Absence of the Presence of God in a Disturbed Soul? :(

Catholic Living Spirituality
#1

Well, where should I start? I have never felt God’s presence in my life. The strange thing is there has never been a day in my life when I haven’t thought of God or my place in this world… I keep asking myself like St. Augustine when God is going to show me the truth so I can truly experience a conversion and love God with all my heart, mind and soul.

I feel completely separated from God and am aware that sin can cause that darkness of separation from God… but, what I don’t understand is the following.

The thing that many times gets me angry is that I have suffered from depression since I can remember, have had all the blood tests done looking for a chemical imbalance (none found) and was told it is probably psycological from past trauma.

I can’t even get myself to take meds because I had a severe adverse reaction to medication causing me to hallucinate and imagine crazy things landing me in the hospital for a week.

What scares me the most and I will just put out there for all is that I haven’t worked in several years due to my depression and live with my mom. My mom isn’t getting any younger and if I should lose her I will for sure end up homeless on the streets. What terrifies me is that because I don’t have a solid foundation of faith in God I will give in to despair and lose God forever. It is not a comforting thought… especially when there is no other family or friends that you can reach out to.

I wish I could be a Spiritual Vagabond like ** Saint Benedict Joseph Labre** and not care come what may, just trust in God.

I think that if I had faith… then nothing could disturb the peace in my soul and I could handle anything, but, as things are now I just am in a constant state of separation from any feeling of God.

What does one do when you have had a lifetime of depression, meds don’t work and talk-therapy doesn’t help one to move beyond the symptoms of depressive thinking/feeling?

How can you feel God when you live in a constant depressive state? I read in the writings of a lay Mystic “Charles Rich” that a soul that is disturbed does not have God residing within it.

This has been haunting me for a while… If this is true, then until I am no longer disturbed in my soul I will never find peace within and feel God’s presence. It is very dismaying and often causes me to despair.

At times I just feel my life is rapidly passing me by with no sense of purpose. I have heard it all… You have to have faith in God, continue praying and one day you will be rewarded in heaven, you can’t despair or you are not showing true faith and trust in God…

Easier said than done…Many people have told me that they have never met someone who suffers daily as I do from depression and most of the time people just give up and don’t know what else to say.

I feel useless in life… a burden to my mom and feel like I will never be worthy of having God’s presence in my life because I always live with my soul disturbed by a depression that is endless.

I have gone to Confession… try to nourish my soul through daily spiritual reading, go to Mass… but, then something happens that drives me deep into a massive depressive state and I just don’t have the energy for anything.

I have read the Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence, The Way of the Pilgrim and other writings on how to pray and keep God unceasingly in ones heart and mind, but, am stuck in this miserable day to day existence.

Anyway, I don’t know what else to say… I have unburdened myself alittle.

Thanks for listening and for any thoughts/comments.

God bless

#2

When was the last time you had an enjoyable experience of anything at all? Is there anything you enjoy now?

#3

Understand that all mystics mean what they say, but we don’t always know HOW they mean them. They know what they’re talking about, but on a very deep and personal level between them and God. What do I mean?
Well I mean they’re not theologians, so their explanations of things aren’t always going to be precise.

Now from my understanding, despair is a serious sin. Why, I used to wonder.
Well it’s a lack of trust in God.
Sounds like you already know these things.

I wonder, have you asked Mary what She thinks? She wants to help so much, but perhaps it is not our will to be helped because we believe too much in our own will power and not the power of God’s will.

You may be in a dark night (see St. John of the Cross’ Dark Night of the Soul) of which God is purging you of impurity. It may also be that God wants to use this suffering (this gift) for the betterment of not only yourself, but perhaps your mom as well, and the whole Church.

A suffering soul is a powerful soul, satan knows as much and will not cease attempting to plunge us into despair.

You’re desires to experience God in a deep, heart-felt conversion experience are of course noticed by Him!

And a question that only you can answer must be asked:
Do you seek the gift or the Giver? God’s grace or God?
(This is not an attack in any way, just a point to ponder as I have no idea one way or another)

My sister suffers from depression and the rest of the family suffers for it because she has not yet wanted to get out of the puddle and allow Jesus to heal her.

But that’s just a side note.
I want very much for you to understand that Jesus Christ is madly in love with you. The things He’s given you are yours, and no one else’s. Personal gifts from GOD. The Crosses He sends are extra-ordinary gifts.

Do you receive the Eucharist daily? If not, I strongly recommend that! (I have recently been doing that, and I can’t explain the clarity that comes from the whole God for the whole person in communion)

Please also understand, that God derives far more joy in residing in you when you do receiving the Blessed Sacrament.
Do not deprive Him of that joy!

Jesus is the way (out of despair)
Jesus is the way (into Heaven)

In the love of Christ,
Mordocai

P.S. The Rosary is indespensible! Cling to those beads as your chain of hope!

#4

I don’t know much about depression nor have I read anything by Charles Rich so I can’t comment on him. But I can say this: if Charles Rich teaches what our mystical Doctors teach, then I’d say “disturbed” and “depressed” have two entirely different meanings. Hopefully this clarification will give you some comfort.

When the Saints speak of a soul being “disturbed” what they’re talking about is our sin and selfish clingings to things of the world that pushes God out and leads to a profound loss of peace in the soul. It’s these repeated, habitual acts of the will that I would hope Charles Rich is talking about that leads a soul to become “disturbed.”

So this would seem to be something that’s totally different from depression. The Saints speak of things that are within our control to change, but we choose not to. Depression, on the other hand, would seem to me to be largely beyond one’s control.

Hope this helps some . . .

Dave.

Also, the mystical way is the way of suffering. Even Brother Lawrence - who you mention - and who seems to speak only of continual light and joys went through a profound period of suffering that lasted for years. The perpetual state of peace that he writes about - that lasted 40 some odd years - did not come until he emerged from the darkness of the Night of the Spirit that preceeded it.

#5

[quote=Maryam]I have read the Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence, The Way of the Pilgrim and other writings on how to pray and keep God unceasingly in ones heart and mind, but, am stuck in this miserable day to day existence.
[/quote]

Hi Maryam-

I spent my lunch hour today at Adoration and offered my prayer for your intention. It just so happens that I usually read a passage or two from Brother Lawrence while at Adoration. Today, in a remarkable coincidence :slight_smile: , my bookmark happened to be placed on his letters offering consolation and advice to those suffering from physical ailments.

Here’s a couple of extracts that, hopefully, can provide you some comfort:

[quote=Brother Lawrence Letter 15]“We must restrain our minds from wandering away for any reason whatsoever. We must make our hearts a spiritual temple where we continually adore him. We must keep constant guard over ourselves, not to do, say or think anything that might displease him. When we are attentive to God in this way, suffering will no longer be anything but sweetness, balm, and consolation. I know that, to reach this state, the first steps are very difficult, and that we must act purely in faith.”
[/quote]

[quote=Brother Lawrence Letter 16]“The most painful sufferings do not ordinarily seem unbearable unless we look at them from the wrong perspective. Further more, when we are convinced that it is the hand of God at work in us - that he is a Father full of love who allows us to endure humiliation, pain and suffering - all the bitterness is taken away, and only the sweetness remains.”
[/quote]

Tough but inspiring words to be sure. The key to understanding Brother Lawrence, IMHO, is to recognize the radical abandonment and self-renuciation of his “way” that was born of an heroic sense of hope. In this regard, his teachings are so much like St. Therese and her Little Way.

Brother Lawrence was brought to the brink of despair in his Dark Night of the Spirit - abandonment and hope are what saved him:

Maryam - it seems like you’re fighting a battle on two fronts: spiritual and physical. I certainly hope you are availing yourself of all medical remedies for your depression . . . and I hope the words of Brother Lawrence provide at least some comfort for the spiritual aspects.

What he says is hard . . . but he speaks nothing but the Gospel. While he might have practiced what he preached to a level beyond what most of us will ever attain - he nevertheless provides a wonderful model for us all to emulate - even if we do so imperfectly: Pick ourselves up each time we fall . . . don’t beat ourselves up over our condition . . . hope eternally in our Lord’s infinite mercy . . . faith, faith, faith.

My prayers are with you . . .

Dave.

#6

Maryam

I have a little understanding of depression, fortunately I have not suffered greatly. I too long for spiritual comfort - but I can’t find what I need. Personally, I never felt that I had felt the presence of God in my life either. I have 2 children and while I knew God created them I didn’t “feel” God. I had a rough time in my life awhile ago and I think God started it. (Keep that in mind) Nothing can cause someone to long for comfort more than losing what comfort they did have. (If that makes sense to you)

I take my medicine and that helps me make it through. Maybe you could try a different type of medication - there are so many different types. I do believe that you need some sort of companion during this time. Is there a priest or a counselor that you can talk to? I have found that just having someone to “vent” my fears and doubts to help me greatly. Processing through the thoughts and doubts helps alot.

One other thing is that I don’t see “disturbed” as meaning sinful. Yes it can mean that. But I can be disturbed over my sick child - and there is no sin there.

Take care

#7

You might try reading the Psalms, you will see that you are not alone in sometimes thinking God has abandoned you, or isn’t paying attention.

Also, maybe your prayer life needs to loosen up. I personally was 42 years old before I realized I can pray directly to God, tell him how the situation looks to me, instead of talking to other people about the problem, tell Jesus.

If you can go before the Blessed Sacrament somewhere, just sit there quietly, don’t even say anything, unless the Spirit moves you – just be in His presence, if you think He isn’t in yours.

And, in life, focus more on the good things than the troubles. Think about good things that happen, and give thanks for them.

#8

** 5-decades-a-day** The only thing that I like doing is reading and painting religious art. Reading more than the painting because I am my own worst critic about my art. I like to make copies of icons.

** Mordocai ** Well, I understand what you mean in Mystics not being as precise as theologians in describing spiritual things. Thinking of it in this way I guess the soul being disturbed description from the lay mystic can have a different meaning than what I have come away with.

I have a very strong devotion to Our Lady of Perpetual Help and always ask for her unceasing prayers to Our Lord to have mercy on me… That she keep me under the mantle of her protection and guidance.

I try to go at least 2 or 3 times a week to church… If I am having a bad week, then I am lucky if I can drag myself out of the home for Sunday mass. I do try to confess every 2-3 months and although I don’t pray the Rosary daily as I should, I pray it several time a week (I know I should do it daily, but, sometimes I can’t concentrate on it well).

I don’t know if this is my Dark Night of the Soul, I have suffered from depression my whole 33 years of Life, I don’t know anything else. If it is a purging… then I hope it will be over soon or to have the strength to bear it so I can function properly/work if it is God’s will of course.

Dave In putting things that way then I guess since my depression is beyond my control then if this in itself is not a disturbance of my soul due to habitual sinning, then it helps me feel at ease alittle bit more.

After 33 years… I sure hope that the 40 or so years of peace Brother Lawrence finally experienced soon comes to me. I am burnt out from a constant depression.

Thanks for the Brother Lawrence quotes… that is why I love his “Practice of the Presence of God” so much. I hope to at least have 1/8th of his level of experience and love for God one day. :slight_smile:

And THANK YOU so much for spending your Lunch Time in Adoration for my intention I appreciate it with all my heart. May God bless you greatly.

homewardangel I had adverse reactions 2 times with meds. The first time I ended up in the hospital with heart palpitations, hallucinations and suicidal thoughts causing me a weeks stay so my body could detox.

The second time I had heart palpitations again and was seeing dark shadows moving around me. :eek: So, I refuse to take any medication unless I am in a clinical setting under medical supervision. Since I don’t have a chemical imbalance as tests have shown I think that is why I have such horrible responses to meds.

And I am glad for your description of disturbed being also a sense of caring for ones loved ones. :slight_smile:

** Pauli** I think I will go to Adoration more and just be still with God and see what happens, it can’t hurt only help me. As for the psalms I will try and get into prayerful reflection while reading them.

I do often have “talks” with Jesus… I guess it is just a matter of the Spirit choosing the right time to move me in the way God wills for me to finally feel it.

** Thanks to all of you for your thoughtful responses… :slight_smile: :slight_smile: God richly bless you with many graces. **

On a side note… Hijacking my own thread LOL…

I went to Manhattan today to St. John the Baptist Church run by the Franciscan Friars…They have a shrine and prayer garden for Padre Pio there as well as two relics of clothes that Padre Pio wore.

Here is the link in case anyone wants to take a look at it:

padrepioshrine.com

I confessed to a Franciscan Priest, spent time in devotion at Padre Pio’s Shrine and then to Adoration for a time. They have a room especially devoted to Our Lady of Perpetual Help and I spent a long time there with her.

I am attending RCIA in New Jersey for Adult Confirmation classes, but, am not happy with it. The time given for classes late evenings at 7:30pm on a weekday is not good for me being that I live in a bad neighborhood. Its not good to be walking around at night in my area at this time and I don’t feel at ease with the way the classes are run.

So, I am looking to take RCIA classes at St. John’s and will drop in on the classes they have Sunday monrnings just to see.

This church just draws me in for some reason and alot of homeless people come to sit in this church and I know many try to escape the cold, but, church will always be a refuge for both the body and the soul.

Please pray that I will go through the whole RCIA process and that my depression will not cause me to drop out of it. There are times when for weeks I will be home in bed with no energy for anything.

I thank you all in advance for the prayers and will ask God in my prayers to bless all of you.

#9

Footprints

One night I had a dream—
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
And across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times of my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times
in my life there is only one set of footprints
I don’t understand why in times when I needed you most,
you should leave me.”
The Lord replied, “My precious, precious child,
I love you and would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you.”

author --unknown
or maybe Mary Stevenson

Ms. Maryam,

This poem has always helped me get thru difficult times. It always remindes me that we are never alone, even when at times, feel like we are. Our Lord is always with us.

#10

May God BLESS YOU for your patient suffering.
If I may relate somethign remotely similiar. There is a possibility that I might be bi-polar. If I am, ok. If I’m not, then that’s more significant. Anyway, if I am, I look at this as a suffering. I asked the Lord to take it away (these emotional ups and downs) if they are indeed physiological. Physical sufferings are one things, but why mental sufferings?

I find them to be more beneficial, since we tend to feel so helpless about them…
And indeed, the reality becomes more and more real: God IS our help. And Mary is Our Lady of Perpetual Help. God Bless you for your devotion to Mama Mary. She loves you so much you know. :slight_smile:
Let this be your constant prayer: Lord HELP ME.

Have you read the 15 promises of the Holy Rosary? Check 'em out!

Mordocai

P.S. I find we gain the most merit when praying is VERY difficult. Like I’ve heard Fr. Corapi say, it counts the most when each prayer is a mouthful of dust. You’re in the desert now, look how far you’ve come! More importantly, never lose sight of where you’re going! Remember when Saitn Paul said 'I consider the sufferings of this time pale in comparison to the glory that awaits us in Heaven." I pray that Jesus Christ encourages you with all the love and mercy of His Sacred Heart and heal you of all infirmity! Unite your pain to His. Ask Him to nail the pain to the cross.

#11

Walking_Home The Footprints is something I remember from childhood when my father bought me at around the age of 8 yrs. old a clock plaque that had the Footprints poem on the side. So, I have always loved it for a long time and it indeed is very visual in its wording making you reflect on life, its problems and God’s relation to one. :slight_smile: Thanks for posting it.

Mordocai Oh yes… I know very well Mama Mary is Our Lady of Perpetual Help. If you look closely at the EYES of copies of the original Icon of Our Lady of Perpetual Help, it just draws you in… :slight_smile:

I have read the 15 promises of the Rosary as I am a member of the Rosary Confraternity. :slight_smile:

I like what Father Corapi had to say about prayer being like dust in the mouth… If that is true then I have desert full of prayers that have come out! lol I feel such dryness in prayer at times, but, I read in Father Dubay’s book The Fire Within that one must not discount prayers said in dryness and that perserverance in prayer is important. So, I must keep on.

Thanks again for your post and God bless you richly.

#12

First of all, there are so many medications out there I am sure that one of them might be tolerant for you. If you find the right one perhaps things might get better.

You mention you like to paint and such and although I am not sure I would be willing to guess you have above average intelligence and your paintings are probably very good. At least from the people I know it seems like anyone who is gifted in some way be it intelligence, music, or artistic ability, they all seem to suffer from psychological or emotional problems.

Perhaps this is all for a reason. If people are given these talents and special abilities be God then God probably wants them to use them for the good of the world and let God work through them. Perhaps you can paint these icons you said you do and then they will be great for churches or for homes and then you are letting God work through you. Without the bad stuff then you might not realize the need for God. Maybe you just enjpy the geat talents you are given and then go on to make millions or something and have no need for God. I wonder if Kurt Kobain would have still blown his head off if he incorporatd God at least partially in his music or then gave all the money he had away to the people that needed it with the exception of what was necessary for him to live a comfortable life. I am just hypothesizing but although your sistuation the way you describe it seems to be worse than most, perhaps there is a blessing in discuise in it. Offer up the suffering to God and pray for the ret of the world. In your moments of releif when you are up to it, use your talents whatever they may be to do God’s work in you.

On a side note, I myslef although not as bad off as you, suffer form depression and anxiety and am gifted with numerous talents in comparison to others. I could write a lot more about my situation and what I plan to do in my life but the point is if I didn’t have this problem of depression and anxiety, I’m not so sure I would be as close to God as I am and since there are times when all is well and those times usually are in some way associated with living a Catholic life, then I relaly think that once I fully figure out what God wants me to do in life and then go on to do it, the negative aspects will diminish and mot of life will be happy. Oh, and in regards to everyone else. Well they have to suffer too since they have to work way harder than gifted indiviuals to accomplish the same things and some just can’t do it no matter how hard they work. And life is filled with suffering for everone no matter who you are.

#13

Maryam,

I really feel for you. I’ve been where you are. I felt God’s presence, but I still didn’t think he loved me because I was depressed and anxious, feeling like I was doing something wrong. I tried taking medication as well and I had back spasms and suicidal thoughts (paroxetine). I recently came off of my medication cold turkey with no problems (even though doctors don’t recommend it). It has been almost a week now. I felt as though God wanted me to do this as an act of my faith in Him. In my opinion, if antidepressants make you feel more depressed, don’t take them.

God pours out such grace in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. You mentioned that you went, and it didn’t seem to help. Don’t let that discourage you from continuing to go. God freed me from my depression/anxiety last week when I went to my first confession. I have not been the same since. Thanks be to God! God spoke to my heart after I went to confession saying: “Your faith has made you well.” I remember going to my counselor earlier that day before my confession and told her that I believed God was going to heal me in confession. Ask God to help you believe in yourself, that you can come out on the other side, and then help others when you do.

It is easier said than done. It’s very hard to imagine that you’ll end up being different. Just know that you can’t do it on your own. I’ve tried to do that, and it hasn’t worked.

My mom and my brother are depressed also. I told them this, and I pray that they’ll be drawn closer to God.

A prayer that I would highly recommend for you is the Rosary of Liberation. I tried praying it, and it made a difference in the middle of me praying it. God sent some friends over to console me. I can’t find the website right now. If anyone else knows off hand, that would be great. I’ll keep looking for it, but I’ve got to go soon.

Peace

#14

wjp984 I appreciate your speaking on me taking other meds that may be better, but, after landing in a hospital for a week and having my family suffer as they watched me lose consciousness from the meds I refuse to take any meds until I am under a supervised medical setting.

I agree that many artistic persons have a greater level of sensitivity to the world around them… Van Gogh being a good example of this. I wouldn’t put myself on the level of talent that he is… but, maybe there is something to an artistic personality. I think artistic people tend to create things from an other-worldly place within them.

lovely2008 Thanks for your kind words. I wish I could of had at least one experience of the presence of God as you had. I am not talking about apparitions, visions or some great miracle… JUST a conversion of my heart through the grace of God.

It is great that you already felt a healing would take place during Confession… we should all be blessed to have this knowing of a healing beforehand.

I had not heard of the Rosary of Liberation before. I looked it up on the net and I kept coming across a book on this by a Regis Maiso, but, no general information on it as to how it is recited.

Thanks for your reponses.

God bless

#15

Maryam,

I asked my friend about where we found the link. Here it is:

padrepio.org.uk/jan%20message%202004.htm

I’ll keep you in my prayers.

Peace

#16

Check out www.padrepio.org. It is in Barto, PA. Me and my wife stumbled upon it one day while driving. I had been thinking about going there, and then one day I was there. Weird.

Anyway, they have all sorts of Padre Pio relics. His clothes, his ornamentals, etc. I got a relic rosary with his blood. I think they have the actual house he grew up in, and the room that he lived in while a priest. I believe they are the actual rooms and not reproductions.

It is an amazingly peaceful, and religious place.

#17

Maryam,

Like many here, my heart goes out to you too. I have suffered from depression, probably for 8-9 years now off-and-on, although I did not recognize it as such until about a year and a half ago when things just got bad enough that it demanded I stop and take notice. It has kept me from being a normal college student for basically 3 semesters, and I’m struggling to have a “normal” semester now. I feel like I’m coming out of it, but every decision to get up and go to class can be a hard one to make. Sometimes, even the decision to get out of bed and take meds is the hardest part.

I would really encourage you to find a new doctor-therapist who can assess your past history and prescribe something, perhaps, of a different family. As you have found, the wrong meds will mess you up and make you feel worse. But finding the right one (or combination, perhaps) will help you to feel more like “yourself” and help bring you to the point where counseling, self-help, spiritual direction will be more meaningful. Just think…every time you try a drug (under supervision) that doesn’t help, your odds improve that the next one will work!

There’s a few books that I found really helpful to me…maybe check them out from a library or something:

• Feeling Good and it’s companion, The Feeling Good Handbook, by David D. Burns, are pretty good. He actively challenges you as you read (almost like mind reading) about the way you think, and suggests that the way you think ultimately determines your mood.

• Let Your Life Speak, by Parker J. Palmer, is often recommended for vocational discernment. But actually, the last half of the book describes his journeys through depression, and I connected with a lot of that.

• The Good Listener, by James E. Sullivan, was very consoling. It’s written from a strange perspective; most of the text is not the author telling a story, but rather You the reader talking back to someone else.

In reading your posts, a couple of scripture passages came to mind, again something that I like to hear every once in awhile. Read them slowly!! They are:

• Romans 8:28-39
• Revelation 12:7-12

Peace,
chemicalbean

#18

perhaps you do have God and just don’t realize it. How many people have the time or bother to acknowledge God as much as you do? I know you are probably are expecting some sort of relief or jsut feeling that God is with you but perhaps he already is. Set your mindset in a way that allows you to know how God is with you such as knowing that when you are sufering you can offer it up as a prayer for the good of the world. If you don’t think of your conditon as such a negative thing then it won’t be as bad. Again I really think you should get some of your icons blesed and then perhaps sell them for charity. Do something with your time and force yourself to do it. I dont care what biological conditions there are that cause depression or anxiety, it all comes down to choice in the end. It might be painful emotionally and such but one can certainlky fight back and throw himself in a pool or something jsut ot get the body moving. I think you get the point.

#19

wjp984 It’s not a matter that I don’t know God is with me… My belief that there is a God is as natural as breathing. The matter is a feeling of separation from him… an absence of feeling him.

Painting icons is a feeling thing for me… Whether I am in the mood to paint. I could never make a living from it because at times I will go for one month without the desire to paint. But, I know what you are trying to say in finding something I enjoy to distract my mind.

Those who suffer from depression life-long know how it drains ones will and desires. I can’t just throw myself into the pool or force myself to do something. Depression doesn’t work that way. Most long-term sufferers of depression hate to be told “be positive, just push yourself and you will be better” LOL ,but, I know you mean well. :slight_smile:

chemicalbean It is good to have hearts that are touched in understanding and mercy, since they have their source in God.

Since I am not working I don’t have medical insurance and don’t have the money to pay for therapists.

I am on “Medicaid” which only covers general treatment, it won’t cover specialists. I don’t even qualify for an HMO w/Medicaid because I don’t have kids. The stupidity of this is beyond reason… So for me to get an HMO I guess I have to have 5-6 kids.

Most doctors/specialists here in NJ do not accept Medicaid because Medicaid will not cover the doctors fees should I need a procedure done at a hospital.

I have even tried Catholic Charities, but, counseling is mainly in a group setting and not individualized.

That is why so many homeless people who suffer from mental illness fall through the cracks and end up on the streets because of bureacratic red tape and stupidity. And this is a very real possibility for me in my future.

I don’t mean to be a wet blanket on your suggestions or the suggestions of others. It is just there are alot of different variables in my situation. BUT, that does not mean that you or others should stop making suggestions! :wink:

I don’t know if I can ever change the reality of my depression… but, I can ALWAYS try to better my relationship with my GOD.

I don’t expect anyone here to help me find some miraculous way out of my depression, but, concerning Spiritual help in terms of feeling a separation from God I am sure it is a something many can identify with. :slight_smile:

I will look into your book recommendations and will prayerfully and slowly read the Scripture passages you noted…be sure of that. :slight_smile:

epower In one of my posts I had talked about my visit to the Padre Pio Shrine at St. John the Baptist’s Church and they have TWO relics of Padre Pio there (a pair of his gloves and a sock).

So… I have gone to be with Padre Pio in prayer. :wink: I had not heard of the shrine in PA, but, maybe one day I will take a trip out there. Thanks for the link.

The link to the shrine I went to I will post again here:

padrepioshrine.com

lovey2008 Thanks for the link!!! :slight_smile: I will try and pray this Rosary of Liberation today. Thank you for your prayers too.

Thanks for all the posts and God bless.

#20

maybe I am just lucky then since even when I am the most severely depressed to the point where I want to just lie in bed and don’t want to live I can still function if I truly want to at at the bear essential need. Meaning, I get that report turned in on time; now I may lie in bed until 10pm the night before it is due, but I know waht needs to be done and stay up until 7am and do it and usually score high. Since I have a plan for my life and what I think God wants me to do and how I am going to be a benefit to this world, no matter how bad things get, I have that purpose to keep me going. God does not screw up in shaping our lives the way they are. You’ll find comfort eventually and come to realize what it is that God wants you to do although we can never be positve about it. However all I am saying is try not to think of your situation as such a negative since most people arent; able to acknowledge God or pray etc. as much as you can with your depressed state of mind so that is a blessing that you can do so. I don’t care how bad it is, jusdt thinking if not knowing that is all meant for a greater good should cheer you up at least a little.