Allowed sexual activity within marriage


I’ve seen lots of confusion over what is sin and not sin within marriage, so I just wanted to give some quotes about this matter.

The best person to ask such question is Jason Evert

Catholic Answers, just ask for Jason Evert:

“Many Christian marriages are breaking up, as if their unity in Christ was no more binding than the attachments of a secular marriage. Moreover, many Christian marriages are struggling to survive. One practice that contributes to the weakening of marriages is oral sex as part of foreplay in sexual relations. By oral sex, I am referring to oral-genital contact between spouses. There is no authoritative teaching of the Catholic Church permitting or forbidding oral sex as part of foreplay preceding normal marital sexual relations. Pope Pius XII taught: “The Creator Himself…established that in the [generative] function, spouses should experience pleasure and enjoyment of body and spirit. Therefore, the spouses do nothing evil in seeking this pleasure and enjoyment. They accept what the Creator has intended for them. At the same time, spouses should know how to keep themselves within the limits of just moderation” quoted in The Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2362). The question is: “Is oral sex as foreplay ‘within the limits of just moderation’?” There are reasons to maintain that it is not and is therefore damaging to true marital love.”
. . . .

Nihil obstat: Rev. Robert J. Buschmiller, February 1, 1996
Imprimatur: † Most Rev. Carl K. Moeddel, Vicar General and Auxiliary Bishop of the Archdiocese of Cincinnati, February 5, 1996

Traditionally, the Church teaches that a married couple may engage in oral sex foreplay, but this should always lead to a climax through vaginal sex. Oral sex is not to be used as an alternative to vaginal sex, as a form of birth control.

Cordially yours, Fr. Matthew Habiger OSB

Question 112 – Christopher West’s Teaching on Sex in Marriage

Here are the quotes and references from Christopher West:

“…but it’s not inherently wrong if the wife climaxes as a result of oral stimulation, so long as it’s within the context of a completed act of intercourse…. Furthermore, while there’s nothing wrong per se with oral-genital contact as foreplay to intercourse, such expressions require the greatest degree of purity and reverence….”

Good News About Sex and Marriage, p. 93

“…if the wife, despite their sincere efforts, was unable to climax during penetration, it may well be the loving thing for the husband to stimulate her to climax thereafter (if she so desired). In this case, such stimulation is not inherently masturbatory since it is within the context of a completed act of intercourse.”

Good News About Sex and Marriage, p. 91

Hi ***,

Thanks for the email. In terms of expressions of sexual affection with
marriage, the church does not forbid couples from using oral or manual
stimulation as acts of foreplay that lead up to intercourse. But, spouses
must take into consideration the wishes of the other. For example, a wife
may not at all feel comfortable with certain forms of sexual affection,
and her husband should respect that. While foreplay can involve different
forms of affection, the sexual act must be finished in the natural way,
through vaginal intercourse. The man should not climax in another way. In
fact, in Love and Responsibility, JPII said that it’s virtuous for the
man, as much as he is able, to try to time his climax with hers. Now, this
is not necessarily always possible, because a woman may climax more than
I hope this helps. Although I have not read it, I understand that the book
“Holy Sex” by Gergory Popcak delves into these matters with clarity and
God bless.
Jason [Evert]

Hi ***,
You’re very welcome.

It is permissible to have intercourse when the woman is not fertile, such as during pregnancy or after menopause. This doesn’t mean that the couple is not open to life, because their actions are still ordered toward procreation. After all, they’re not doing anything to deliberate interrupt or sterilize the sexual act.

Secondly, to purposefully ejaculate outside of the woman is a grave sin. In the OT, Onan is struck dead for it. However, if it’s an accident, it lessens the guilt of a sin. But, a couple should do their best to avoid such an accident.

God bless.
Jason [Evert]

I would just add this

Questions and Answers on Catholic Marital Sexual Ethics

Summary of Catholic Sexual Ethics

May the Marriage Bed be Immaculate

Sexual Sins within Marriage

May the merciful Jesus bless you:)

What silliness. It shouldn’t be taken seriously. It’s been discussed before on this site:

That’s not from the Catechism of the Catholic Church!! That’s from a man who, along with a clever web designer and domain name, has managed to post his own interpretation (which varies from what the Church teaches on many things) and is attempting to pass them off as the Catechism. Sometimes it’s hard to tell when the domain name looks like it’s the “real deal”. My personal feeling is that it is quite deceitful to do something like that to push your own agenda across. How many other people thought this was really the Catechism and was from the Magisterium? I hope others are not deceived by it.

That is NOT an official page of the Church or the Catechism. It is quite deceptive and cunning of the person who created that page to use a web domain name that would make it appear it’s the Catechism of the Catholic Church. That person created a website to promote a personal (and rather skewed) interpretation of the Catechism and other Church teachings and is trying to pass them off as the Catechism. Please be very cautious when viewing such misleading sites. It’s best to avoid them altogether so you are not deceived by such things and led astray from the Church’s true teaching.

This is the REAL Catechism of the Catholic Church online:

Im feeleing as my wife doesnt want to have sex? She tells me that we should only have sex to make life. Its very fustruating! Is it wrong that im feeling this?? Out of one month maybe 3 times. Very fustrateing. We were not like this before. We have always been practicing christians just got a little more deeper into our faith. I konw to people leave the catholic faith becuase of this i dont ever want to think like this. i need some advise and help in finding something to show her its ok to have sex.

“Secondly, to purposefully ejaculate outside of the woman is a grave sin. In the OT, Onan is struck dead for it.”

Having read that particular passage several times, and taking into account that the English translation might be a little more limited than the original text, I’ve always thought it sounded like a weird line to base an entire theology on. The Old Testament rarely just means what it says on the surface; there’s usually way more to it. Was Onan really struck dead simply for ejaculating outside Tamar’s body, or was he struck dead for refusing to beget a child who would still be viewed in his father’s eyes as his brother’s kid and not his own? If that’s the case, I would think it would be more of a case for spouses with pre-existing children to treat each other’s kids as their own. Plus, did anyone care if Tamar wanted to sleep with him? Maybe she was grieving over her dead husband and refused to let him touch her, and Onan was struck dead for pleasuring himself without her involvement. If that’s the case, I would think it’s more of a case for not masturbating than for not having oral sex.

I have a similar question on this subject. My wife is 50 and after 6 kids another pregnancy would likely cause her to bleed to death (she almost did that with the last one). Therefore, we have cut back on our activity quite a bit. However, recently she gave me what could be called a two minute oral tease which we didn’t not continue to climax nor had the intention to. In other words, we were not doing it as foreplay to the act itself or even to end in climax at all. It was just a short interlude which practically ended right after it began. Is this mortal sin?

You should contact Jason to be sure, but it sounds like it is only acceptable preceding sex, and no male climax through foreplay allowed.

I heard of a couple that had to turn to a Josephite Marriage (no sexual relations) because it could kill the Mom if she became pregnant again.

Not all of those are catholic teaching.

Thanks for your replies.

I only checked out that one, but it managed to both contradict itself and most of the Church teachings I have seen quoted here on the forums.

I was scared, for a second I thought it was official doctrine! :bigyikes:

[sign]me thinks ill stay out of this one[/sign]

I think a Josephite marriage is the best way in our circumstances, but right now we’re struggling with the will to carry through with it.:confused:

If you are seriously thinking about that, I would highly suggest you get a spiritual director. You might also consider sleeping in separate beds (two twins) if that helps.

Prayer is also a unitive act

Is it ok for the husband to use his hands to arouse the wife?

Why wouldn’t it be? And not to be graphic here, but I can’t imagine any women just jumping into bed with their spouse and being physically ready for sex without caressing, kissing, etc. beforehand…without that sort of loving exchange, it’s simply mechanical. Not a good thing in any marriage.

I am not God so of course we can only go to his word.I have never come across anywhere in the bible that says no to oral sex.God created sex for our marital pleasure.I would encourage you to read song of solomon.Reading between the lines I feel it is clear that there was oral sex being enjoyed.Maybe this “no oral sex” is Catholic teaching but I always go to the word.The sodom reference was more about the homosexuality going on and other perversions such as insest not sex within marriage.The God I love says ok to oral sex(in my opinion).He doesnt want me to feel shame and he encourages us repeatedly to enjoy each other physically in marriage.