Best prayers to ask God to change someone's heart

Does anyone have any suggestions for how to pray for God to change someone’s heart? I know that ultimately it is best for His will to be done in all situations, but can we also pray for a person to have a change of heart on a matter?

Example: if someone is thinking of having an abortion, we might ask God to give them a change of heart…or perhaps to soften their heart, to choose life instead.

I am hoping that God will soften the heart/change the heart of the man that I love – that he will recognize that he also loves me. Is this a valid thing to pray? Or is this somehow asking God to violate human free will?

Thanks :slight_smile:

I don’t believe it is violating free will to ask God to change someone’s heart. He may or may not answer your prayer. And the other person may or may not respond to God’s prompting.

Having said that, since it seems you love a man who does not return that love, you might consider praying for yourself, i.e. what is God’s will for you? Perhaps this is not the man He has chosen for you. I would be inclined to ask God to heal my broken heart and to conform it to his will for me…or even to pray for both things, i.e. change the man or change me whatever he wills.


I second WaitingForJesus’ advice, and would also add that you can pray by way of “fasting.” You can give up something for a day, or perform some virtuous discipline for a while, or volunteer work, or whatever for the sake of your intention. You just make an act of the will that you would like to offer that work of grace to God for your intention.

As well, it can be very painful to not have returned the love that you would like to give from someone. And I am sorry if this has caused you trials or anxieties. While offering your prayers and intentions for this cause may be in line with God’s will, I would recommend keeping an open and humble heart, if this prayer should not be answered in accord with your desire. All that being said, I hope and pray that your prayers are answered in accord with God’s will just as you intend. May holy angels and Our Lady’s intercession help with this cause. :o

[quote=sydney28;10582881 Is this a valid thing to pray? Or is this somehow asking God to violate human free will?

Yes it would be violating a persons free will for God to change a person’s heart to satisfy you.

The thing is, either the person has an attraction toward you, or they don’t and God can help you to be more attractive, but He won’t change the person’s heart to fulfill your desire.

It may be that this person you love is not the person for you, and should they accept you into their lives, it could end up very bad.

Reminds me of a song about a man who after years had gone by, met the woman he had once loved and prayed to have as his own, but never saw his prayer answered, “thank God for unanswered prayers.” She had grew into someone the man could never have stayed with.

It may be the case with this person you have affection for. Pray for God to change your heart if he’s not the right one.


On the one hand I agree with what has been said already. If this person is not the person God has chosen for you, then you would be doing yourself a disfavor by persuing him until you get your way.

On the other hand, my wife pursued me for 5 years before I finally came around and married her over 20 years ago. To be sure, we have had our ups and downs during the past 20+ years but overall we have had a very good marriage, despite the fact that I converted to Catholicism in 1999 and she has yet to set foot in a Catholic church.

If this man is the person that God has for you then by all means pray and hang on. Just be prepared to be disappointed. God will NEVER over ride another person’s freewill to satisfy the desire’s of another person.

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I understand the pain that unrequited love can bring.

The thing is, this man really may not love you. I think praying for yourself would be the wiser choice.

Hugs. It’s hard, we know this. :slight_smile:
God Bless

Thank you for the replies. I’m certainly open to God’s will, and I’m not closing off my heart to anyone God may put in my path.

The man I love is my best friend…he would say the same thing about me. He views me as his best friend, but does not see how valuable our friendship would be in a marriage.

I have also considered fasting to strengthen my prayers. When I first met this man, he was an anti-Catholic agnostic. After one year of fervent prayer and a lot of patience, he came into the Church last Easter. I know prayer changes things, and I think it could change his heart to be more oriented toward seeing me as more than his best friend.

But if not, I do recognize that God will not show you gold and then give you silver. It’s hard to imagine being more compatible with someone else than I am with him, or having as close of a friendship with another man, but I, of course, am open to His will.

Wise choice.
I wouldnt pray that God “soften his heart to see how he much he is in love with me” but rather, “God, I love this man. Thy will be done, and help me to discern Thy will”

God Bless

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Yeah! I tend to think that that is a good way to pray! Alway pray “Thy will be done.”


I went through this. I loved someone more deeply than I thought I could, and we actually dated for more than a year. When we broke up I was devastated. I spent a year certain that God would make him “see” he loved me too. But he just didn’t love me. The heart wants what it wants, and generally, if someone says that they don’t see a relationship developing, that’s not going to change. That’s just life, however painful, and you will survive.

I would swear that so many people are still single nowadays because they have trouble letting go of the relationships in their minds that aren’t in reality. And so many divorces occur because people force relationships that they should have let go of before marriage. If God put this type of love in your heart, he will fulfill it. Be peaceful and try to see it as a precursor to a more extraordinary love to come.

I have some mixed feelings about praying that someone will fall in love. To me that is a bit tricky. What I think might be best may be a bad thing for me in the end. Since God sees every thing, our whole life before we even live it, isn’t it best always to ask him to present us with someone who will indeed be best for us that we may not even have met yet.

I’m looking at this whole event more in the light of prayer than in the light of human passion which may and does get tricked. One dosen’t have to be a religious with vows to do this. It really is important that every person think of God’s power and foreknowledge in all the important decisions of life. That is the way success is made, to rely on Him who knows and loves us more than we know and love ourselves, and then to trust His divine providence to lead us to success.

This may not be what you want to hear, and I understand that. But you will be happier if you choose Him to decide for you.

Just some considerations.

I’ve struggled with this very issue myself. After much soul-searching, I’ve come to the conclusion that there is nothing “wrong” about asking God to change someone’s heart, He’s in the business of doing that, after all…

However, it must be done the right way. You have to realize that you don’t know everything about the situation and the future, and that you may be wrong regarding your interpretation of what His intentions are in this matter. Even if you see tremendous greater good that could possibly come from this relationship (a fuller conversion on his part, for example), it doesn’t mean that you’re necessarily correct, that there isn’t an even greater, greater good God has in mind, or that the man will ever respond to even the most earnest entreaties from God in his heart.

All that said, if you believe that God has put this man in your life and in your heart, and you don’t believe He’s called you to stop praying regarding this, then by all means pray. I will pray for you as well (and I ask that you keep me and my own intention in your prayers, too). Listen to God’s voice in you…He will tell you if this is a time to stand and persist or a time to let go and stop praying. In my own family and circle of friends, I seen five near-miraculous conversions of heart - marriages, relationships, healed friendships, and the like. Yes, people make their own decisions, but God can certainly guide and inspire us in our actions, emotions, and perspectives, and I don’t see anything wrong with asking Him to do so (as long as it’s done in good faith and appropriately).

While undergoing my own spiritual evoution regarding a similar situation, I’ve come to understand the following “tips”:

  1. don’t make an idol of the other person (make them so important they consume your every thought and desire)
  2. don’t make an idol of the relationship you desire with the other person (making it so important it consumes your whole being, or you treat it as an end in itself)
  3. don’t make an idol of not being alone or of being married (same caveats as #2)
  4. ask God to touch the other person’s heart and help them fulfill the role in your life that He desires for them (and vice-versa)
  5. ask God to soften both your hearts to the workings of the Spirit
  6. ask God to change them and change you
  7. ask God to remind the other person each day of the best and most attractive things you have to offer and that have been part of your relationship in the past (whether or not they find themselves inspired to see you in a different light will be entirely up to them)

I’ve found this article somewhat inspirational. Sometimes, God is waiting for us to surrender to Him before he answers the prayer (this definitely happened in two of the five examples I mentioned above). Not surrendering in order to get it (because that’s not really surrendering), but really, truly, giving it to Him. It’s very hard to do, and I’m not quite there yet with my own situation, but I know I will need to get there eventually…I pray for that, too. “Lord, help me to want what You want…”

There is a st Jude novena you pray it for 9 days
St. Jude we have problems in our relationship. Beg almighty God to give us the light to see ourselves and eachother as we really are. Help us to grow daily in self-knowledge and mutual love while at the same time developing our potential to love and be loved.

Help us St. Jude to see and root out every manifestation of selfishness, vanity, and childish selfseeking those hidden enemies oflove and maturity. Show us that by learning to love and being filled with love we may compliment and nurture eachother as we share our lives together.AMEN.

Say novena 9 times a day for nine days and then publish. Novena has never been known to fail.
I know how it is my boyfriend closes his heart every now in then … These types of people usually have a lot of past hurt n pain stored in them. Pray for god to heal his pain. best wishes and you are in my prayers as well. Keep the faith.

Just say novena 1 time a day for 9 days

Just happened to find this post and must say I am not alone the way I feel.was actually searching an answer for my prayer and found this post so strikingly similar to mine.
Prayer does change things to an extent that one could not have thought of it being possible.Pray as much as you can and beg GOD to listen to you.
I believe when a person walks into your life it is for a reason .If he wasn’t meant for you then he would never be friends with you in the first place .It happened .Then you have had your lovely time together why ?? it was destined.its you who realized the importance of marriage amongst the two of you, He shall too realize it soon.Else why would GOD make you go through so much and in the end show you some other guy .It is all GOD’s plan and you are being put through a test . One day he will be your friend will be your husband and it is bound to happen but certainly going through all the hurdles and a lot of pain.Trust me happiness is not far away , its just around the corner and GOD will not let you down .

Pray first for a change in your own heart. Pray that you love God’s will above all things and that you desire it. Pray that you have enough detachment from this world and it’s trappings so that you may freely and willingly go wherever God wants, love whoever God wants you to. Pray for the ability to trust God’s plan for yourself and for others. Pray that you will be happy with whatever God chooses for you.


The Psalm says to delight ourselves in the Lord and He will give us the desires of our hearts. It sounds that you have already been praying for God’s will. Just keep on praying and with trust, let God know the desires of your heart.

You and your best friend seem to be a good match as life time partners. Sometimes a “friend” relationship for so long is hard to break into a romance. Could it be that he also has the same intention but does not know how to break the ice? Why cannot you talk about the possibility? Since you both are Catholics and you are best friends to each other, why cannot you pray together about this?

Of course you would pray first, think it through, asking for the Holy Spirit’s guidance before bringing this up to him. But if you do not let him know your thoughts, how would he dare to change the relationship even if he wants to? I hope things work out for you and God bless!

**Proverbs 21:1 **
The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases.

The king’s heart could be directed like a stream flows to wherever the Lord pleases. An ordinary man’s heart could also be directed as the Lord pleases. :slight_smile: