Dating with an Opus Dei member

Hello everyone, I just ran across this site and very much interested about Opus Dei. Years ago, I have an opus dei friends and even visiting women’s center. Didn’t have much memories why did I stop visiting there, perhaps I felt I was pressured.

Anyway, it’s not the issue. The issue was I was pursued by a numerary opus dei member ( didn’t know then about his situation). To make the story short, we fell in love and were dating. Until I recognized something weird, he didn’t have much time for me, if we meet, it would be only for 1-3 hours , the maximum. I was so sad and frustrated I confronted him about this. Until he told me that he is a numerary member ( I didn’t understand what does it mean) and he explained it. I was so dumbfounded and felt betrayed because I fell so deeply in love with him. And then I asked him to choose. That’s the saddest part because he chose to stay in Opus Dei, and the irony is that I found out he is a director of men’s Opus Dei. Until now, I couldn’t understand why did he pursue me in the first place since he knew his situation? Why did he promised me that we will have our future together, he basically promised me the world​:disappointed_relieved::cry:.Can he just leave the organisation easily if he want to continue living in the outside world? What will be his consequences if he do so?

Your insights are very much appreciated.

Hi Brigitte, it is my understanding that numeraries are celibate? Supernumeraries are those that are married or allowed to get married.

I’m unable to give advice, but right now I’m conversing with a guy online who apparently is a cooperator with Opus Dei. He already asked me if I’d like to meet up, and my response was let’s see.

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Well, he was probably just conflicted about his commitment to you or Opus Dei at the time. I’m sorry you experienced this, but it happens in any walk of life. Move on and look for someone else.


I was warned as a child by my catholic parents to steer clear of Opus Dei.
Everything I have seen in the intervening decades makes me grateful for that sensible warning.

Hi Fin,

Yes that’s what he said, that numeraries are celibate, I understand that. But what I don’t understand is that he pursued me knowing his situation. And thats what hurt me the most, he betrayed me after falling for him.

As a young woman I was pursued and fell in love with a man who was living (unknown to me) with another woman at the time. Was totally betrayed. It happens–even with a religious vocation. He was wrong if he was a numerary of Opus Dei at the time he pursued you. That’s his sin, not yours. Unfortunately you were hurt and will have to shake this off emotionally, learn from it, and move on to a better relationship.

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Thank you Limoncello4021. I am just doing that. I don’t have another option than to move on and looking for a better one. But this one hurts a lot though.

I think it took me 10 years to get over it. Betrayal really stinks. But you will be more wise and stronger going forward. There are good men out there!

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OMG! 10 years?? That’s quite loooonng!!

OP, he made a promise or vow of celibacy and deceived you about that?

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I tend to agree with others that perhaps he may have been feeling conflicted or perhaps truly developed feelings for you but at some point he had to choose between life with you or Opus Dei. It’s hard to say without knowing his whole situation and viewpoint, and his level of involvement and commitment to Opus Dei.

From what I understand, if he was a supernumerary he would have been free to marry. But all the same, it’s still within the framework of being in Opus Dei and having those commitments to it. Opus Dei does require serious life and time commitments and it’s really not for everyone. I personally wouldn’t have been cut out for it, but I’m not going to knock someone else if it truly is something they’re called and want to be a committed part of and it’s suitable for them. I do think they would need to understand just how demanding and rigorous it is, though.

Brigitte, I can only offer that God has something greater planned for you.

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Thank you littleburgy. I do understand how hard was it for him too, he was going thru a lot too. This wasn’t just an overnight feelings, I believed he has had this feelings before he eventually pursued me. But yes, in his position he really had to choose,but wasn’t easy for us both, but we have to let go.

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