Ex Catholic Baptism Question

Hey there.

I was born and raised Catholic and my wife and I were married in a Catholic church, even though my wife is NOT religious.

Our first two kids were baptised, however, I stopped going to church about three years ago and we have moved to a new neighborhood, so I don’t even know the local priests or anything.

Anyhow, we have a third child who is now 4 months and we would like to get him baptised. Tbh, I have pretty much stopped believing, however, we would like to still have our son baptised. It is a nice day for the family, my mom is very religious and would be very upset if we didn’t, it’s also a good thing to do, if further down the line for example if he marries another Catholic, he is baptised etc.

We don’t really have any intention of raising our children as Catholic or sending them to Catholic school. Is this a problem?

Thank you.

In general, priests will not baptize babies when there is not the reasonable expectation that the child will be brought up Catholic.

I believe that would be a problem, and maybe some other posters can weigh in on this. Catholic baptisms aren’t like birthday parties; have them just for the sake of celebration. It is reason for celebration, but they need to be done for the right reasons. In most parishes you’ll need to attend a baptismal prep class anyway, and your intentions not to raise the child in the Catholic faith will be clear as day to the priest.

I’ll pray for your conversion.

:crossrc: Amen to that will pray also!!

If you are an “ex Catholic” why would you want your baby baptized? Do you even know what the Sacrament of Baptism is? :confused:

Sorry but I read this again a little and I just dont understand why you call yourself “ex-catholic” plus your both married thru the Church I mean did you just do this to please your family or your mom as you say?? In all reality to me thats more hurtful to her than anything,because she believes and I’m only guessing here that you love the faith and Holy Mother Church?? Not trying to be mean but just trying to understand the idea of the complexity of your question!? So please don’t jump me for this in no way is it meant to be judging or anything but I just feel there is more to your question or even in your heart that seems to be hiding somewhere??:confused: But in all respect I pray and wish the best for you and your family ok!


What do you mean you’ve “pretty much stopped believing”?

Yes it is a problem, and no you cannot proceed with baptism under such conditions.


The Church is not a social club. Be serious.

yes it is a grave problem
the priest will almost certainly delay (not deny) baptism if there is no evidence the child will be raised Catholic, as to baptize in that case would violate canon law. You also made a solemn promise to God when you baptized your other children to raise them in the faith, which you are now breaking, but that is something you will have to take up with Him.

Quote from multiple authors:

*Do you even know what the Sacrament of Baptism is?

Catholic baptisms aren’t like birthday parties

Yes it is a problem, and no you cannot proceed with baptism under such conditions.


The Church is not a social club. Be serious.*

Cmon people be charitable! This man is obviously deeply struggling with is faith in Christ. Is Love and Charity not the greatest witness to the reality of Christ? :eek:

The Sacrament of Baptism will place Baptismal promises on your child which your child cannot hope to live up to if your child is not raised Catholic. I am not saying this to be mean I am just saying that the chances of learning the Catholic teachings and living by them are slim to nil without the proper upbringing that goes with the Sacrament. This is why in the Sacrament the parents make the promise that they will raise the child in the faith. Therefore it is almost cruel to baptize this child if you will not raise your child in the faith. God bless.

James, being a Catholic is something very permanent. Even if you’ve stopped believing (for now, and God willing you will find your way back to the faith soon), you are still Catholic. And with that comes both great responsibility and great opportunity–or great failure.

If you do not accept and live up to your responsibilities as a Catholic, your failure has more ‘weight’ than the failings of a non-Catholic, because you as a Catholic have the fullness of faith and thus the opportunity to be, to do, the fullness of Christian life.

If a person only had, for example, a small garden, he or she could still grow enough food to feed themselves and others, because they might be very skilled, use every bit of soil, etc. . . but how much easier it would be for such a person to have 2 or 4 or 10 times more land.

Catholics are like the people with lots of garden space. And if they neglect that garden, then they have failed not just themselves but the people they could have helped feed from that garden. . .and since they have a lot of space, they fail a lot more people.

So your child being baptized involves much more than a ‘nice day’ and a nod to the grandma (as a grandmother I appreciate your thinking of dear old mom but dear old mom doesn’t just want the ceremony, she wants you to LIVE THE PROMISE). It involves your being willing to raise your child AS a Catholic with all of the rights and responsibilities. It involves not just making HIM live up to those, but YOU having to live up to it as well.

Think very long and carefully, James. WHY have you stopped practicing? What do you think Catholicism is --which you have rejected–and are you absolutely sure what you reject is really Catholicism? IOW, do you truly KNOW your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and do you really understand that your rejection of Catholicism is a rejection of the One who died on the cross for you, me, and all humanity, to set us free? Have you gotten somehow confused into the kind of relativistic, indifferentism common to so many young ‘educated’ people who think life is just about being ‘nice’, having ‘nice things’, and that nothing else matters either because there IS nothing else or that if --God forbid–the Christians ARE right, that God will give you a pass because it isn’t YOUR fault He didn’t make Himself clear so you could ‘do the right thing’ in life?

Do you want your wife, your children, and especially this little one, to go through life like a ship without a rudder, swayed only by whoever they want to believe to do whatever they want to do?

When your children were little, did you just throw items on a table and let them ‘graze’, figuring they would be able to ‘learn for themselves’ how to eat healthful nutritious meals in order to grow their bodies and brains to the fullest peak? You didn’t, did you? You had to make a lot of effort to start them out right. You had to go back to the basics and then ‘build’. You didn’t let them walk away just eating junk food. You didn’t do the ‘easy’ way.

WHY would you then think that your child’s relationship with God could be just thrown at them years from now, when you’d never made sure that they started with ‘the basics’ and had to work through even with things they didn’t like but which were necessary and good for them (lima beans)? Do you really think that teens and young adults like you are going to be willing to ‘start from scratch’ when it is just so EASY to let things go and ignore God?

Please, for your sake and your families’, go back to square one, like you did with having to let your children learn to walk, talk, eat, etc. Work on that relationship with God. . .it is the most important one you will ever have and it will be the very best thing you could EVER do for your family.

God bless you all.

Belief is a choice. For some reason you chose not to believe. Make a firm decision that you will believe. Faith is a gift, you were given that gift at your baptism.

Visit catholicscomehome.org/

Make an appointment with your pastor and rediscover your faith!

Firstly thanks NickVa for showing some compassion. Secondly do you realise how crazy some of you people sound. I thought following Jesus was supposed to be about compassion and understanding. You sound like a bunch of crackpots.

I actually have no belief in any supernatural phenomena any more. I did a lot of reading including The God Delusion and various other texts. In my opinion, there really is no argument. I suggest some of you people become a bit more open minded and do the same.

The only thing I would say is that a religious upbringing offers children some sort of moral framework to their lives. So what if they believe in God until they are ten or twelve, it’s a bit like Santa Claus. But judging by some of the crazy comments on here, I think my wife and I may take our chances. We are doing ok so far without instilling a ‘fear of God’ into our beautiful loving and outgoing kids.


What was it Jesus said again? ‘Judge not lest ye be judged yourself’. Wise words.

I’m sorry if you feel I was judgemental. But I can only tell you what the Sacrament of Baptism means to us as Catholics. It is not just simply water. Maybe it is best if you ask your mother this same question and see what her answer would be.

Thanks joanofarc. Yeah I feel like I’ve been there done it and got the t-shirt. 13 years of Catholic school. 20+ years of church going. I know what Baptism means to Catholics.

I just want the truth.

You have done lots of reading.

I challange you to read 3 more books.

Frank Sheed “Theology and Sanity”

C. S. Lewis “Mere Christianity”

Scott Hahn “Answering the New Atheism”

Ok Castello. I will get Kindling tomorrow. I’ve heard of the CS Lewis book before.

We just wanted to let you know what you might expect if you approached a priest to attempt to get your child baptized. It does require a profession of faith and promise to raise the child in the faith from the parents; if that’s lacking, you will not likely get the baptism you were expecting.

I hope this answers your question; best wishes!