Female orgasm; within marriage?

Hey everyone. :slight_smile:

My wife and I have been happily married for almost half a year and we were just wondering whether or not it is okay for her to have an orgasm outside of intercouse by, e.g. caressing of the genitals and so forth?

If anything needs further explanation please feel free to ask!

Unfortuneately…what is bad for the gander is also bad for the goose in this case.

During foreplay/marital embrace…YES! Outside of that…NO. Marital embrace must be included somewhere in the mix either before or during the embrace. Not sure about aftwerwards…I hope so, as we don’t always have perfect syncronization. Hope this helps.

Thank you, that pretty much answers my question! :thumbsup:

Any sexual contact has to be made with the intention of having valid intercourse where the man finishes inside the woman. So, any stimulation of either person’s genitals that does not lead to the man’s seed being deposited in the womb (of course not counting those with fertility issues) isn’t following the rules.

Thank you mccrow! :slight_smile: - That makes complete sense, and we have been doing so too, we just wanted to make sure! :thumbsup:

But it needs to be added that, if actual intercourse is achieved with the man’s sperm being deposited within the woman, and if the woman has not, um, “finished”, then there is no moral wrong in being led to orgasm by her husband or even by herself, as part of the overall act.

Orgasm in a woman serves a different function than in men and can be achieved multiple times. In fact, the chance for successful implantation of a fertilized egg is enhanced by the health of the womb which is kept in good condition by adequate blood supply and muscle tone. Orgasm in women causes greatly increased circulation in the pelvic area and keeps those vital organs healthy, including fallopian tubes and ovaries.

The more orgasms for women the better for the marital closeness and fertility for the couple. Men’s orgasm are different as they only have the purpose of delivering sperm and need to not be wasted outside the vagina. There is no moral impediment to multiple female orgasm in the marital act whenever she has them.

I’m not so sure of that.

Any stimulation on your own is masturbation. Doing it at the end after husband has finished even with him doing the stimulation might not even be a good idea. This is why it’s probably a better idea to take care of the wife in a way that both can climax during intercorse or for her to finish first.

Remember the whole idea of the act (from a physical sense) is to build up to the possible pregnancy and more than likely anything after that possibility is probably outside that scope.

Orgasmic contractions draw deposited sperm up into the uterus. So if you’re only thinking about increasing odds for pregnancy, you’d want the woman to climax after the man. Pretty sure self-stimulation would always be considered a no-no, but I see no reason a man can’t help his wife “get there” if she didn’t climax during intercourse. Besides, how long do you see goodwill between spouses lasting if he constantly “leaves her hanging” and tries to justify that as Church teaching?

I can’t think of anything better-designed to make a wife see her husband as selfish and inconsiderate.

I’m not saying it’s wrong but it seems to be in the gray area to me and also why I mentioned that couples need to work things out so she either finishes first or both at the same time.

My point is fondling without potential of a pregnancy is wrong (without eventually resulting in intercourse), then why would it be OK afterword when you are not working toward a possible pregnancy? Seems like the situations would be the same, neither is being done to complete the union for reproductive aspect. I know there is more to the marital act than that but it would seem on the fringe to me.

How are you not working toward a potential pregnancy if you are facilitating the entry of more sperm into the uterus?

This is just basic biology. Especially when the woman is on her back, orgasmic contractions cause her cervix to dip down, repeatedly, into the pool if semen deposited by her husband.

Still seems to be on the fringe to me. Unless you have something scientific to show a significant increase in pregnancy rate, I’m not sure it’s believeable. I’m not going to go into too graphic detail but the idea of stimulating a woman after the man is done also presents potential problems with concieving.

Uh, how?

Well, certain stimulation can cause some seed to not be in the right place anymore…as delicately as I can say.

From m.psychologytoday.com/articles/199601/the-orgasm-wars

They discovered that when a woman climaxes any time between a minute before to 45 minutes after her lover ejaculates, she retains significantly more sperm than she does after nonorgasmic sex. When her orgasm precedes her male’s by more than a minute, or when she does not have an orgasm, little sperm is retained. Just as the doctors’ letters suggested decades earlier, the team’s results indicated that muscular contractions associated with orgasm pull sperm from the vagina to the cervix, where it’s in better position to reach an egg.

The marital act serves a other purposes, according to the Church, than pregnancy. The act doesn’t start with orgasm on anyone’s part and need not end at orgasm, either. The unitive purpose of sex is just as important as the procreative aspect.

As another poster pointed out, the woman’s orgasm post male orgasm is quite useful in terms of pregnancy and certainly part of uniting the couple. And, in fact, often leads to another session of intercourse.

Now that can’t be bad thing, can it?

Like I said, there are reasons that it could also reduce the chance of conception as well.

I’m not saying it’s wrong or sinful or anything like that I’m just unsure about the whole idea and I certainly wouldn’t want to do anything to diminish the untive act for women. This is definitely a complicated situation as far as being morally correct.

I think we can all agree that ideally both the man and woman would reach climax about the same time (though not always practicle) and that self stimulating to finish is the same as masturbation.

You asked for something scientific, and I gave it to you. You do realize that coordinated orgasms are largely Hollywood fiction, right? Most women can’t perform that way for anatomical reasons. Let’s just say clitoral placement varies widely and leave it at that.

I like how Julia May thinks… :smiley:

Song of Solomon…represent! :wink:

Yes, I’m fully aware that it’s not common. I am married after all. :o

I’m a Catholic guy but not unaware of what makes a woman tick. :wink:

I don’t think so. But I could be wrong. Can you specify?

This is definitely a complicated situation as far as being morally correct.

I can see we really come at this issue from different perspectives. As a priest once said to me: “Within the marital act, there is no reason a Catholic couple should not have a whompin’ good time in bed.” To me it is very straightforward, as long as the act is open to conception and unitive nature between a Sacramentally married man and woman, everything else is simply between them. Whatever they like, because it’s all okay to just do stuff together because it feels good.

I think we can all agree that ideally both the man and woman would reach climax about the same time

No, I don’t agree. Look, I’ve been alone now for, well, a VERY long time, but my memory is quite vivid. Sometimes together, sometimes whatever. Personally, I liked to not be busy when he was so I was paying complete attention to what he was experiencing. (Sheesh, this is getting a bit - anyway) so there is no ideal. It’s about what the couple likes and wants. And that might change from one day to the next or morning to night.

and that self stimulating to finish is the same as masturbation.

Well, no, I can’t agree with that either. It can be mutually stimulating, sometimes as foreplay (remember, she can have numerous orgasms and should). The more stimulated he is, the more powerful his orgasm is, and that means more sperm closer to the hoop as it were. Sometimes just as continuous action. And can be helpful both unitively and reproductively. And also a lot of fun for them both.

I think I have covered this issue as thoroughly as it needs to be from my perspective.