O.K. - I really need some advice byond “pray” (I have done that for quite some time and I truly believe that God helps those that help themselves) -
I have some good news and bad news. The good news is that my doctors seem to be coming to the consensus that it would be o.k. for me to possibly try to get pregnant and hopefully be successful. The bad news is that my husband doesn’t seem too thrilled about the situation.
I’ve been on some form of birth control most of my life - (I don’t want to get into the rights and wrongs of birth control - I spoke with a Priest about it and because of my health situation, I was o.k.ed to take a.b.c. without having it considered wrong by the church) - I have kidney disease and have not been able to carry a pregnancy to term yet. The Doctors said lets wait and see if you begin beoming well enough to possibly handle trying to carry another fetus possibly to term. I think we had both thought that this time might never come -or that I’d be able to find Doctor’s willing to aide me with my health problems. My husband is not very close with the Church right now - much of this due to my not being able to carry a pregnancy to term and some of the other awful things that have occured due to being pregnant. (Kind of the whole - why would you let my wife get pregnant and not want her to have a baby -)
I’ve never had a problem getting pregnant before, but staying pregnant becomes the real battle. I’m fully prepared to need to be on bed rest for smoe time. I feel like I’ve saved some money, but I don’t know if it’s really possible to truly save enough money to feel like we have enough - ever. My best friend has told me, “no matter how much you save up - you’ll always feel like you need to save more - you’ll never feel you have enough - or by the time you do, you won’t be fertile anymore!” - So right now, my husband doesn’t seem that thrilled with the idea of us trying to have a child- I think part of it is also that we’ve gotten used to it just being the two of us along with our cat- we’re god parents to many kids as well as having some related children - like a nephew and a neice. I guess I really thought that when the doctors began saying it was o.k. that he would get excited- he seemed to get excited when we got pregnant a few years after being married but nothing close to that is happening now. Believe me, I’m scared to death about not being a good enough mom but what scares me even more is to get to be over 40 or 45 and have no children. He’s really great with kids too. It seems like one prayer has gotten answered - only to have me need to make another prayer. I don’t want to push something on my husband he doesn’t want. I love my husband dearly and I would never get pregnant on the sly (on purpose)-( I’ve gotten pregnant enough while on various forms of birth control and NFP) Before someone asks, we did talk about kids before we got married - we had wanted to try to have 4 - we kind of dreamed of 2 girls and 2 boys-we never dreamed of what kind of problems could occur. I’ve tried to mention that although things will change, we will still have time for some of the things we did before- plus we have my parents just a few hours away and I know my parents would help out (I’ve asked my mom)- I say this because I’m fairly certain one of the reasons he’s not thrilled about this idea is because I don’t think he wants to give up the life we have together-just the two of us and our cat and seeing someof our God Children or others occaisionally - we’ve gotten used to being able to spend money pretty much as we please and take holidays when we want- I am praying about this and have been- I know part of it is that even though the doctors believe me to be well enough, we have had some very close calls when I’ve been pregnant and then becoming deathly ill. But some of the times were when I didn’t even know I was pregnant - so I hadn’t the chance to even have my OBGYN check me out. Those scared me too and I don’t particularly want to go through anything like that again. I wish I could give him a garuntee that all would be well - but none of us can make that determination. Please without telling him “let’s just stop using birth control and if God wants us to get pregnant than I will…” (although I understand this statement is true, I don’t really believe he puts much stock in that argument.) I’ve gone ahead and gotten some things (because I don’t know how long I’ll have the o.k. from my docs - )- like an ova cue fertility tracker and some other tests for fertility. My OBGYN wants me to see a fertility expert as well. But if my husband won’t get behing me and support not just me but us then I don’t see any point in even trying. I’m trying not to look bummed around him. I guess I always thought he’d be the one talking me into trying to have a baby. I don’t want to say something untrue or wrong like “I’ll take care of the baby, you won’t have to do much” because that’s not true and I wouldn’t want it to be even if it could be. I wanted to have children for us - and I thought that God would eventually want me to have kids - if He didn’t then why have I gotten an o.k. from just about every doctor? I have a hard time believing that God would let me get the o.k. just to find I can’t take advantage of it. Sorry for going on so long but please help and pray! Also, if part of it is financial (which I know it is) please pray that I can find a job or make a go of the home based business I’m doing now - THanks again and God Bless - and if there are any husbands out there that might have been kind of like this, than plese let me know (I’ve been told by one that when he first saw his little girl, he melted and he knew he was meant to be a father- I don’t want to have to have a baby in order for him to feel this way - I mean I want him to want to be a father prior to me delivering!)