How to be a better wife

I have been marired almost 12 years and still love my husband very much. We have been through tons together, losing our moms 6 months apart, and trying to raise our 6 year old son.
I know that I could be better when showing my affection. I want to kiss him before I leave for work or at night but isn’t in my routine.
Need ideas on how to be consistent.

Hello Eli,

Some times we need a little enrichment in our marriage, a little tune up. Maybe you and your husband would enjoy a weekend with Worldwide Marriage Encounter. The weekend is designed to enrich what you already have within your Sacrament of Matrimony.

During the weekend you will listen to three couples and a priest talk about topics that may need enriching within a marriage…communication, listening, spending time together as a couple, loving each other even during the hard times or during the ordinary times.

We went on our weekend expecting to have a beautiful weekend together. We knew we would have private time in our room to discuss what the presenters had shared with us. We had no idea that it would continue and bloom - giving us daily blessings. God gave us the beautiful weekend that we wanted and blessings to continue daily. :heart:

For today, make it a mental point to kiss your husband at least every morning and every evening. Set aside a few minutes every day for just the two of you - not making plans for tomorrow - not about your children - just focusing on each other. :hug1:

Rose Mary

Honey, you have just answered your question :stuck_out_tongue:

You want to kiss your hubby at night and before you leave then do it…toss your routine out the window don’t make love a chore – “Okay at 7:10 I’m gonna kiss hubby before I leave” – just go with your heart and kiss him.

Be spontaneous, one night have the kid spend the night over at a friend’s place or relative’s, and cook your husband a lovely meal and enjoy an evening together…maybe go out dancing and have some fun. You know you love your husband and he loves you too…don’t dwell on it just let him know you love him :slight_smile:

Ok, I am young and only engaged but I do have a couple of suggestions that might help.

The first one is every night before bed just spend five or ten minutes talking. We do this every night. We don’t talk about chores, stress at work, or seeing our families, only fun happy stuff. We tell jokes that we heard that day, stories from our childhoods, or predictions about the next week’s football games. We’ve done this since we first started spending nights together, and now that we live together its an every night thing. At first we would do it in the dark before drifting off, now we leave a lamp on so that we can make eye contact. Looking at each other while we do this has made us feel a lot more connected and we open up a bit more than we used to.

My other suggestion is to shower together. I know it may be hard with a 6 year old but if you can manage it it’s really great to have 20 minutes with no cell phone, distractions, problems, etc to just stand in the warm water and talk. Make plans for the weekend, talk about work, whatever. My mom and stepdad always did it when I was growing up, my brother and his wife, who have the best relationship that I have ever seen never shower apart, despite having 4 kids, and my fiance and I do it every day as well. We all swear by it.

Just try to do it everyday for two weeks. That’s how something becomes routine.

One thing that really means a lot to my husband is when I thank him specifically for the things he does for our family. He is a very hard worker and devoted father, and sometimes I forget to tell him how much I appreciate all the things he does, but thanks to you, today I will remember :slight_smile:

Another suggestion, if you pack him lunches, you can slip a little note into it. If he gets his own lunch, then maybe try slipping a note in his jacket or briefcase/toolbox/etc. Even something as simple as “Hope you have a great day” or “Love you, (pet nickname)” will suffice. Lunch notes aren’t just for kids :slight_smile: I would be careful not to use a pet name that co-workers would tease him for if they inadvertently discovered it, though :slight_smile:

Every morning as soon as you wake up (stinky morning breath or not) give him a kiss on the cheek.

A marriage encounter weekend is another great tool for married couples.

Joshua C.

This really depends. Has your husband complained about lack of affection? Maybe he gets enough attention from you in other ways than hugs and kisses?

However, If he was complaining about wanting more affection it’s as simple as small things. For instance, my wife and I sort of give each other love taps on the rear at home once in a while, I will sometimes randomly start rubbing her back while she’s cooking diner (not that she’s the only one that cooks, BTW), or it will be something like randomly grabbing her hand and holding it. We probably only kiss a few times a week but not because we don’t want to kiss more but because we get enough affection through other ways we treat each other.

It doesn’t really matter what we think. It matters what your husband thinks. Ask him.

haha true! :thumbsup:

I shower with my husband every night, and I kiss him constantly. I hug and kiss him before he leaves the house, and I hug him as soon as I see him when he comes home from work. In fact, I walk a kilometer out to the train station to meet his train every single day when he comes home from work, so that we can walk back together.

Once you have done something for about three weeks, you will just naturally do it.

I think little affections are wonderful. I kiss my wife and children when I leave every morning and when I come home in the evening. Just start to make a habit of it.

But more importantly is the internal struggle to be as good a spouse as possible. There are many internal thoughts that one can practice to be a better spouse…patience, humility, being slow to anger. I believe that our marriage is as strong as it is because we forgive each other little things. The house isn’t always as clean as I’d like (it’s usually like a bomb site…we have 4 children), so I have to overlook this somewhat when I walk in the door and roll up my sleaves when I’d rather not to help restore some order. At this point, I know that nagging or an outright fight simply wont chance anything, and only cause further angst, so I offer it to God and focus on what I can do about it. That’s just one example. I know my wife overlooks my many faults too.

But these are sutble things. My wife doesn’t know the barrage of bile that I’d like to unload when I walk through the door to be greeted by kaos. And that’s the point…biting my tongue is the best thing I can do at that time to be a better spouse.

Affections, romantic guestures, etc are wonderful. But good marriages are made great from silent sacrifices that tend to go unnoticed. I guess that wasn’t really your question, so sorry if I’ve gone off on a tanget here.