Hi fellow believers,
I am coming to you at my absolute wit’s end, because I need as many prayers as I can get, and I need some advice and support.
Short version, my husband and I have been married 13 years and have three kids. In that time he has spent over 3 total years unemployed and has had at least 5 different jobs, if you don’t count the ones he quit within a few days.
I was an idiot when I married him and didn’t really “get” that this was his MO and a really, really big problem. He is very fun to be around, life of the party, always has a great story to tell. Handsome, smart and funny. BUT HE CANNOT STAY AT A JOB. I now see that this is a pattern and not a one-off or bad luck.
In every job he has gotten (he is in higher-level IT), there is some reason, never his fault, that it doesn’t work out. The first one, I bought the story that the boss was intimidated by my husband’s ability and fired him so that my husband couldn’t take his job. The second one, they didn’t appreciate his genius and just wanted him to be a “yes man” - so that didn’t work out either and I got suspicious. Since then, over the years it has just been a series of lost jobs, always blaming others, never looking at the role HE plays in these job losses. Frankly, he is cocky and arrogant and in most things in life, has a hard time seeing himself as anything but perfect. But lets be real, the common denominator here is MY HUSBAND. Everyone else is able to maintain employment, even if the job isn’t wonderful.
My husband expects to have the perfect job where everyone sees how brilliant he is. He wants to be in charge of everything, and gets furious when his ideas are shot down or they go with someone else’s vision. He is very critical of his coworkers and management, and thinks anyone who doesn’t do things HIS way is a loser and a moron. And yet, we are on the brink of financial disaster and I have had to resort to selling humiliating MLM products from home as a way to get by.
This is no way to live and I need my husband to step up and be a man and support his family. I am very close to taking the kids and moving in with my parents who are out of state. They can’t believe how selfish and lazy my husband is and are encouraging me to jettison him. My sister and brother-in-law have made it clear that my husband is persona non grata and is not welcome in their home, for they take the position that he has abandoned his role as provider and protector of the family and left me and the kids vulnerable. Right now, we don’t have health insurance and RARELY do because he can almost never stay at a job long enough to earn that benefit. It’s ridiculous.
My husband says that everyone is against him and that the problem is that too many people are “sheep” and just go along with corporate (he hates corporate!) instead of using his revolutionary ideas. I don’t think he’s insane, in a clinical sense, he’s just got zero personal insight and makes a million excuses.
We argue a lot and a few weeks ago I told him, “I don’t care if you hate your job, I don’t care if your boss is an idiot, you need a soli paycheck and you need to step up as the breadwinner. I am doing my part by caring for the children, the home front, our awful finances, and all that goes along with that - and no, no one appreciates MY genius either. It’s just life and you have to get it done. SO, Suck it up!” Frankly, him slithering and slinking around the house while he SHOULD be at work makes me crazy and I want him out, out out.
I have prayed and prayed over this. His selfishness made us have to pull the children from Catholic school and I still hold that against him. He says he doesn’t want to be a stay home dad. I have been out of the work force for 11 years and could probably not get into a career where I made decent money at this point. WHAT CAN I DO?
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