Is it a sin to get an erection and not have sex?

I need some real guidance on this question. I have mastered my pastlife and sinful ways very well. Because of this my senses are extremely extremely sensitive. I can feel a sensation in my penis just from the slightest touch of a hug from my wife. This forces me to be mean to her because I have to hold myself back from getting an erection because from what I understand it is a sin to get one and not have sex with my wife. I am mean to her because that is how I have mastered all my impure thoughts, by telling them “no” in my head and I very rarely have even the slightest impure temptations. I do not wish to be mean to her but she does not want to have sex on the spot at any moment. If it was up to me then I would just give her the hug she asks for and have sex, that is fine by me. What should I do, give her a hug, or listen to her really well and let myself get an erection and then let it happen and try my hardest to build her up and get her excited too and hopefully have intercourse with her. Or should I be mean to her so that I never get excited? I’ll listen to whatever advice you can give me but for now what I think I am going to do is just let myself get the slightest erection and then say something really smooth to her so that maybe she gets horny too. If I don’t succeed in having sex with her then possibly the sin is on her?

It is not a sin to have an erection and not have sex. Getting an erection is an natural as sneezing when your nose is irritated. there is never, BTW, an excuse to be mean to your wife.

Concise, to the point, and oh yeah…dead on accurate.

One cannot stop the birds from flying overhead. One can stop the birds from making a nest on your head.

To be aroused by your wife is normal. Don’t let that natural arousal it lead you to sin.

Maybe you should discuss this with a priest. Are you and/or your wife Catholic? What you are describing is not a sin in the least, it is natural. First off, it is great that you have conquered some of your past sins. I wonder if the underlying problems from them are not still there, though. If you have trouble controlling impulses, that may be another issue that you need to get help for.
Please do not be mean to your wife or cut off affection from her.It is normal for a husband and wife to be affectionate outside of having sex. If you don’t trust yourself not too be able to control yourself, you may have an addiction or impulse problem. Let your wife know the constant temptations and confusions you are having.
I really do suggest talknig with your wife and then seeing a priest or Catholic counselor to discuss this.

Since every male can get an erection from about the age of 3 if not earlier, and it happens for the rest of his life, it’s hardly sinful in itself.

It’s a normal male neuro-vascular function.

Thanks for the lead you guys, but I have some more questions, because I don’t want to be misled.
So am I mistaken in believing that it is a sin to get an erection from something you wife does as simple as a hug and not follow it up with intercourse…Then if that is not sinful why would it be sinful for my wife to give me oral sex without me ejaculating and stop without me and her having intercourse.

MercyMia, it sounds like your judging me…or it could be I’m judging you.

Having a spontaneous natural response (erection, lubrication) is far different than masturbation or mutual masturbation or intentional stimulation of the genitals when removed from the marital act.

What you are describing is oral stimulation NOT oral sex. Oral stimulation is acceptable as a form a foreplay, so long as the husband’s ejaculation is inside his wife’s vagina…not her mouth. Ejaculation (NOT erection) outside of the wife’s vagina is always a sin.

BTW…I don’t think MercyMia’s post sounded judgmental. I think it was very well put and informative. She was trying to help…not hurt you. :slight_smile:

I hope you guys are right, but the thing I would really like is some kind of reference that states what you are saying. Is there anything in the Catechism or anything. The way I see it is that the hug is foreplay. I know you guys are trying to help and you are by having this discussion from me, but I want proof. If it can’t be refered to something in the Catechism then it probably isn’t true.

Only you can know if YOUR hugs are really masturbation.

I think of a hug as two people who either face each other or are side by side, wrap one or both arms around the shoulders or waist of the spouse and give a squeeze. One can hug in the middle of a crowed city street or in front of your grandparents and no one will bat an eye.

You will never find something in the Catechism that says “hugs are not a sin”.

The Catechism defines masturbation :

**2352 **By *masturbation *is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.”

Your problem kind of reminds me of this video for a Christian Side Hug.

Maybe you can switch to a side hug until you are able to handle a front hug better.


Ok, well… An erection, even an easy one, is completely natural. And it’s no reason to be mean to your wife! If she asks what’s poking her, tell her it’s a pocket knife. :thumbsup:

I honestly don’t see how hugging or kissing your very own wife can be sinful. :shrug: The only way it would be sinful is if you knew hugging/kissing her led to you mastrubating outside the marital act. If it does, then hugging/kissing could be an occasion of sin. You will need to sit down with your wife AND a priest and have a talk of whether or not it would be sinful in your circumstances to continue to hug/kiss your wife. My guess is that the priest will say no…:wink:

Those guys are pretty good…

Well I guess that sums it up Kage. What I was looking for in the Catechism is something that says any erection must be followed up with intercourse. I still don’t know but you guys helped out by leading me further along towards the truth. For instance, this is the best way to put it. If you knew you were going to get an erection from giving the sign of peace to your wife in church you wouldn’t do it, so if you know you are going to get an erection from giving your wife a hug at home but still can’t have sex at that moment, why would you do it. Don’t think a my situation as a problem, this is a situation that you grow to as one becomes more and more through confession, prayer, and Holy Eucharist, and the grace of God. If anything say a quick prayer for me and my wife, prayers are worth more that a milliion dollars.

A hug is not foreplay. I hug my kids everyday so if that were true…ew… If it’s a friendly “hey honey how was your day” hug, then there’s nothing wrong with it. If it’s a “hey I’m going to grind my pelvis into yours under the pretense of hugging” then tell your wife to stop it. Don’t be mean, just let her know that it’s not cool to be a tease. We had words for girls like that in high school, you know. If your wife is purposely turning you on when she had no intention of going through with it, then that’s not nice. Not nice at all.

An erection is not a sin. Once again, my sons get erections. It leads to some very humorous conversations, but it’s not sinful. Now, what you DO with the erection could be sinful. If you have sex with your wife, that’s not sinful. If you masturbate to get rid of it, it is. If you do nothing, I promise you it will go away on its own. It might not be comfortable, but it will, eventually, go away. We have four kids, we have a very small house. There is not always an empty room available. So, you do the math, but my husband can attest to the fact that an ‘unfulfilled’ erection might not be the greatest thing in the world, but it doesn’t last forever. :wink:
BTW, side hugs are dorky.


One thing to think about, are you giving your wife a hug because you care about her and want her to know that with a simple gesture or are you hugging your wife because you want an erection? I think you know which one is moral :slight_smile:

Priests aren’t infallable. For instance today a priest I was discussing this and other stuff I know is wrong about something. He said that in some occasions it is Ok to lie. NEVER. It may not be a mortal sin but it is still venial. The example he used was that if in the Nazi camps you were hiding two Jews in your house and they came to the door and asked if you had any Jews. The priest said its Ok to lie and say you had none to save their lives. He is wrong. You tell them, Yeah I’ve got 2 Jews in here and your gonna have to kill me first. Then you become a martyr or possibly the soldier will just walk away. Never lie, even if you are getting raped, don’t say I won’t call the cops if you let me go, if you are lieing. NEVER

I’m hugging my wife because she said, “Ted come here and give me a hug.” LOL