I’m a married father of two. For about two or three years, I have felt progressively more and more called to the Diaconate. I have discussed this at length with my wife, and she supports me. I also discussed it with a previous spiritual director (priest), and he supported me completely. But…
I’m still such a terrible sinner. I pray, I regularly receive all the Sacraments that are available to me, I see a spiritual director frequently, but I still fall badly. The sins that I commit are not little white lies or occasional gossip, they’re big ones. Sometimes I can go for months without doing anything too stupid, but other times I get into a funk and it takes me awhile to pull myself out of it. I think I’m doing all the right things, but I thing God wants it to be difficult for me for some reason.
My question is this - and I understand you’re not all spiritual directors - but do you think that a person who still commits mortal sin should avoid becoming a Deacon? I’m afraid that I could do something stupid and create scandal for the Church, which is something that she really doesn’t need right now.
I keep telling myself that if I keep working at it, eventually this will all be behind me and I’ll be ready for the Diaconate. But each year passes, and I seem to be the same old me. Maybe I’m not called to something like this after all? Thank you all for your comments.
We are all sinners. Maybe God is calling you to become a deacon because you can grow closer to Him and then you can take your knowledge to help others overcome their sinful behaviors. It seems that you are in good place if your wife supports you and your SD supports you. Have you tried calling the Vocations Director? Maybe he can help you figure out what to do. Going to Adoration will also help you if you don’t already go regularly.
take courage brother, we are all sinners. we are all called to something in life. if you think God is calling you to the diaconate, discern and pray. That being said Jesus in his infinite wisdom instituted the sacrement of reconciliation so that we can recieve pardon for the sins we commit, but we have to be TRULY sorry for our sins to be forgiven. my previous statment also means we have to honestly commit ourselves to not falling into our sin again and again. evaluate your life, find what triggers you to commit the sins you commit, and pray for the grace and courage not to sin. two saints that i find are helpful are St. Ambrose of Milan and St. Anthony of Padua.
Listen to your heart and discern if you are truly called. If being a sinner disqualified people, we would not have any clergy.
The only thing I would give special attention to is the nature of recurring sins. If they could bring scandal to the Church then I would be concerned. This might be something you could set as a goal to conquer well before ordination.
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