Serious Doubts/Confusion About Church Teachings: Part 2

If you saw my last thread, you’ll know I’m a little shaky right now in my faith. Maybe a lot… I don’t know. I could never even think about forsaking my belief in God (I would inevitably come back to it anyway; I know myself too well to think otherwise), I don’t know how else love and truth are to be understood except through Christ my Lord, and I have to hold that the intimate, romantic encounters with Christ in the sacraments can be nothing less than expected of such a merciful, benevolent God. These things, then, I believe in: God, Christ, and the holy Catholic Church. Yet only recently have I begun questioning just what this means.

A while back, I started being honest with myself about something… something difficult. I’d been aware of it on some level since as far back as I remember, but it only piqued in fifth grade, I only confessed in sixth, and it’s only been a legit faith crisis since just recently (here in my eighth grade year, ready to go off to high school). Somewhere in the summer of my sixth grade year, after making strong advances on a close male friend, I could no longer deny my sexual orientation. For a while, it was fine and good to live chastely, relationship-free, and “pull the whool over everyone’s eyes,” so to speak. I tried conversion therapy. I tried just pushing it out of my mind. I tried everything.

Right now, I’m sort of infatuated with a close friend. I… fight so hard to keep myself from doing something stupid. So hard. Still, I’ve done pretty decent in this fight, and really until lately, it hasn’t been a huge, huge issue. Then, all of a sudden, I realize how badly I want to be able to be in some kind of relationship with him. How much I think about him. It’s not dirty. It’s not what so many Christians try to make it to be. It’s just knowing that he feels the same. It’s… confusing me. The Church’s position on this makes sense and I agree with it (or at least, I THINK I do). I defend it even in front of my pro-gay friend who tells me to “go for it”. But no matter how rational it is, I can’t treat this whole thing just like a theological matter–it’s something more than that to me. It’s real, it’s something I have to live with! And when I hear Christians (Catholics are better about this, I’m so glad) talking about this, it’s like to them it’s nothing more than some “issue,” not something people actually have to deal with…

I read about David and Jonathan, and I’ll admit, I think it’s romantic. What they had. I may be misinterpreting, but it seems so pure and so beautiful. So does, for that matter, this to me. It’s so hard to understand HOW this can be wrong. I get the whys that the Church gives so eloquently. But when I’m around him, when I think about him, it’s hard to think of how this could be anything less than… right… What am I missing?

There’s some part of me that feels like I was just born at the wrong time. Like someday the Church will gradually move towards acceptance of this. I know it’s not kosher to say, but after all, she HAS gone from affirming things like special creation and literal readings of the Scriptures and negative views on the nature of sex and the salvation of non-Catholics, etc., etc., to more “palatible” teachings. It happened in small, gradual transitions over time, as her understanding of these matters “evolved.”

I’m not yet an official Catholic (long story; short version is that my mother, a Southern Baptist, doesn’t approve) and so participation in the sacraments isn’t YET an issue. But right now, it’s painfully clear that with respect to the Church’s guidelines on reception of the Holy Eucharist, this is an either/or deal. I want Christ–so badly! But I don’t understand why it is I must make this painful choice. Even less do I understand having to confess week after week these desires.

I’m not looking for affirmation; trust me, I know better places to go for that. I’m not looking for theological rationale (necessarily); I’m well-versed in that. I’m looking, most of all, for prayers–and also for people who can talk to me about this in a real way–not as though it is some “issue,” but who can try to relate in some way with similar tough choices. I need some stories about overcoming. I need some encouragement. I need a reminder of the happiness that Christ offers.

Anything even close to such a description…

I will pray for you-again and again.

You sound so lost but be brave and face yourself with God’s armor-Himself!

Pray to the Holy Spirit just before you read the Holy Scripture and read the Bible daily. Read it slowly and crosscheck all references that you do not understand.

The Eucharist is not rec’vd or given in a romantic way-keep meditating and this will become clearer to you.

Do not act on your feelings re : your best friend-Just trust me on this one-most people have felt attracted to someone of the same sex-but will never in a million years admit it.

You’re going to cringe-then laugh about this someday.

Praying for and wishing you the Peace that only Christ can give.

God loves you just the way you are-His Love is unconditional.Trust always in the Mercy of Jesus.

Talk to your mom about Jesus and ask her to pray daily with you.

Hi, I hope that the following might be of some use to you. I will keep you in my prayers, please keep me in yours. :slight_smile:

**Adolescents & same-sex attraction **This was written on a now defunct blog by a young High School teacher.

"In my experience in youth ministry and teaching, I’ve come across several young adolescents who experienced confusion about sexual orientation… . Sometimes it doesn’t even relate to an experience of same-sex attraction (SSA). It can stem from poor body image satisfaction, poor social interaction, and depression. Aside from the current social phenomenen of gay chic (the prevalence of gay tv characters), its not uncommon for young people to consider their sexual orientation after being having romantic movements rebuffed.

In the case of boys, it is not uncommon for experiences like showering with other boys after sport, to prompt the question. Its natural to be curious about other people’s bodies, and looking at another guy’s wang doesn’t make you gay. It means you’re curious. But hey, if you get caught looking at another guy, to see how you “measure up” then you’re labelled as being gay; and labels disable.

Its also not uncommon for people to either have had an experience of same-sex attraction or even to act on it (especially when under the influence of drugs or alcohol). However these experiences and attractions to do not necessarily mean you are homosexual.

Its common for us to have role models, and in our appearance-obssessed culture, its not uncommon for people to choose role models more for their physical characteristics that their moral ones (case in point: Paris Hilton). Having a same gender role model is good; but basing your admiration for them upon their appearance can lead to awkward questions, and a kind of homosexual cognitive dissonance: If a guy had pictures of Kelly Slater (surfer) around his bedroom, its probably because he admires the surfer, but one stray comment at school, or at home, or on the bus, or wherever, may convince him that having posters of a guy is “gay.” “…And if just having the posters is gay, and I admire the guy in the poster, does that mean I’m gay? Oh God, I must be!”

Part of the “gay advertising” that so permeates our culture (and I’m not referring to the media) is that if you like another person of the same gender (or if you’ve had an experience) then you’re gay. Case closed.

However, life isn’t that cut and dried. Especially during adolesence, which above all else is a time for testing many different boundaries (physical, emotional, social) to see “where” you belong, its easy for someone to succumb to the idea that since they’ve had an experience of SSA, then they’re gay.

For me, as I’ve said before and in other places, that’s the danger in pushing young people to “come out” and self-label as being gay. Doing so involves accepting everything that comes with being homosexual: persecution, flamboyance, promiscuity, and social alternativism. If that’s who someone is, and they make an adult discernment about it, then fair enough. But for young people still developing and cementing their identities, taking on a gay persona can be horribly traumatic. It can ruin - or jeopardise - vital relationships (especially within the family) and friendships. It can lead to a head-on run into practices that can jeopardise your physical, psychological and spiritual health. But most of all, it runs the risk of concealing the real person; eg. “Ryan” disappears and only “Gay Ryan” is left. This is dangerous at any time of life, but during adolesence, when the search for identity is most potent, it can become very destructive and lead to people being psychologically under-developed, or - in other words - the real person isn’t realised.

Here’s the deal: God loves us no matter what; even when we sin. So experiencing SSA doesn’t mean God loves you less; neither does adopting a homosexual identity and lifestyle. Remember that God is our Father, and like our regular fathers, God wants the best for us. And unlike our physical fathers, God always knows what actually is best for us, and he’s written this on our hearts. We need to be attentive and listen to what He is saying. He loves us, He wants us to be healthy & happy; but most of all He wants us to be Holy: and that involves spiritual purity. Experiencing SSA is not a definite obstacle to holiness, but acting on it - just like acting on other sexual temptations - is an obstacle to holiness. This is especially true when the “gay identity” is contrived and fabricated by a young person confused after experiencing SSA…

Personally, I believe that among the many reasons for the “rise” of homosexuality lay the modern deconstruction and amalgamation of masculinity & feminity as well as the crisis of fatherhood we’re experiencing. We need to offer real support to each other: we need to be real examples of holy men and women; of our vocations; of chastity; and of love."

You might like to check out these site and this article.

Out of the closet and into chastity – David Morrison

Dreadnought’s blog**
John Heard experiences same sex attraction and he may be able to answer your questions if you email him.

Courage is an international community of men and women committed to following the magisterial teachings of the Roman Catholic Church. Courage’s mission is to provide spiritual support for men and women striving to live chaste lives in accordance with the Catholic Church’s pastoral teaching on homosexuality. The site not only provides extensive information on the organization and its work and events, but also offers a number of online resources. These include a good section on related Church teachings, several e-mail discussion forums, and a section for youth.

Well, yinekka beat me to it. I was going to recommend Courage too. I hear great things about them.

I also think the issue may stem around Truth and authority. I can recommend HIGHLY a talk by Fr John Corapi on “Concsience Freedom and Truth”. Very great! Go here: Please let me know what you think.

But right now, it’s painfully clear that with respect to the Church’s guidelines on reception of the Holy Eucharist, this is an either/or deal. I want Christ–so badly! But I don’t understand why it is I must make this painful choice. Even less do I understand having to confess week after week these desires.

  • Your temptation is not a sin. What you do with it is! Lustful thoghts, and actions are sinful. Just like if I were to (and I have in my old nature) lusted over Women, etc. etc. The desire is not the sin, it is the reaction to that desire! Under that premise, no actions=no sin=Eucharist.

I will pray for you my Brother. :gopray2: God’s Blessings on your search. :signofcross:

In Christ’s Love,