Sex before marriage.

Hello! My question is… should my girlfriend & I stop having sex? We both want to get married and love each other very deeply. However we wont be able to get married until we finish college. We both prayed to God to find our soulmate and we both believe we were made to be toghether. We were also both virgins and if I ever lost her, I wouldn’t share my body with anyone else.

However we recently have been discussing that we both are aware that pre maritial sex is a sin and are commiting it anyway. We were also both virgns & we are wondering if we need to stop? & if so why (is it a venial or mortal sin)? We both are only sharing our bodies with each other and no one else. I want to be with my girlfriend not only in this life but afterwards too, what should we do?

Pre-marital sex is a mortal sin, and you must stop immediately. If you really love this girl, you’ll ask yourself whether she’s worth waiting for until marriage. How do you know you really love her with the sex clouding your judgment? Stop having sex, go to confession, and see how you feel toward her. Pray about it.

Presumably, you’ve also been engaging in the use of contraception, since you did not mention whether you had a child yet. That too is a grave mortal sin.

Anything is possible with God - you can wake up tomorrow and decide to be a different person if you choose to be.


Take note of the scripture in my signature - it is better to stop having sex now rather than be sent to hell for eternity. You said this is a sin yourself, and you know you’re risking your salvation over it. God certainly does not want that, though He might want you with this girl - that is uncertain at this time.

I totally agree with the poster above. Fact is, it IS A MORTAL SIN ie if you or her die before repenting and confessing this chances are you will go to hell for eternity. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (fornicators will NOT inherit the Kingdom of God) You are fornicating. Prove that you love eachother by stopping, repenting, confessing and not doing it again till you are married.

There is no reason you can’t marry her soon either, lots of people get married in college.

Don’t risk your soul and if you TRULY LOVE HER DON’T RISK HERS EITHER.

Okay, & I do love this girl and she is worth waiting for. I have went to confession already and havn’t commited this sin since then. I will pray about it and see what happens. Thankyou.

Wait, she is not a catholic, she is a Baptist. They don’t have confession…do they? She tells me all she has to do is pray and ask to be forgiven. Will that be enough??

She has a mortal sin on her soul, and she hasn’t gone to confession, right? If a person can simply pray and ask to be forgiven, then why bother going to confession? Perhaps you can be a good influence on her, and bring her to the Church. That would be the ideal outcome, I would think.

You can decide to do what you know is right, or you can choose to ignore it in favor of the easier road. Clearly you know what to do, because you went to confession. And you knew it was sinful. It seems you’re answering all of your own questions :D:thumbsup:

From the perspective of the Baptists, it will be. From the perspective of the Catholic Church, there is a chance she may be forgiven, but she will never definitively know without Confession. This question reveals one of the MAJOR differences between Catholic and Baptist beliefs. From the Baptist point of view, she’s still saved. From the Catholic point of view, her soul may be in grave danger.

I want to do what is right, can I bring her to my church and let her confess? she wouldn’t have to convert would she?

She would. Confession is a sacrament, and one must become a Catholic in order to obtain this sacrament. RCIA is a good option, if she chooses.

Yes, she would have to convert to take part in the sacrament, because she has to fully understand and believe what the Catholic Church teaches. To do that, she would most likely have to go through the year-long RCIA process. Remember, from the point of view of her denomination, Confession is completely unnecessary. She would also have to convert of her own free will and because she truly believes, not because you force her to, or simply as a convenience for marriage.

I would add that if you DO decide to get married in the Catholic Church, that you will be REQUIRED to go to Pre-Cana marriage preparation classes as a couple. There will also be the expectation that your children will be raised Catholic.

I think you’re beginning to realize some of the problems between Catholic and Protestant theology. There are some major fundamental beliefs that are simply incompatible with each other. Many people can work out these differences. Some cannot.

It sounds like you don’t understand your faith very well. Start there. Read the bible, catechism, lives of the saints, etc. These will help prepare you to live a life truly in line with God’s will and will help you to help your GF.

**You are correct…it is a sin just like adultery and that’s why you should stop doing it. Commandments from God are not options. How would you feel if your best friend were sleeping with your girlfriend. If you were married, this would be called adultery. See what I mean?

I hope that continue to grow in your faith and grow close with God as the years pass. As you get older (and wiser), you will come to love God with all of your heart and soul and realize how smart He (God) is.

Good luck and I am confident you know your heart what the right answer is.


Yes, for the sake of your soul and your girlfriend’s soul stop having sex…

Live in continence until you get married

I’m sure you don’t want to go to Hell, and you don’t want her to go there either. You should have a pure soul to approach the throne of the God of Israel. How else could you do it?

If you really do love each other than you can get through this. Get engaged and save yourselves for marriage. That’s the way of the followers of Jesus Christ. And if your relationship cannot survive this then it probably wouldn’t have worked anyway.

Hopefully, she’s the one for you and she will become Catholic and you’ll both live happily ever after. I suggest that you ask God to make His will be done between the both of you.

Your post sounds like you already know the right thing to do, you’ve just got to have the courage to do it and make it stick. It’s great that you’ve got the humility to acknowledge you made a mistake and fell into sin - I don’t know if I’d do as well in your shoes!

Breaking a sinful habit can be very hard, as all of us know, so go to confession and pray often, and comfort yourself with the knowledge that you’re doing the most loving thing possible for your girlfriend and yourself.

Marriage preparation for Catholics assumes that the couple are leading a chaste life, and so you would be obliged to stop if you wanted to be married, in any case.

She does have to be catholic to go to confession, but your comment on “she wouldn’t have to convert” worries me. You mentioned how you are in love with this girl and one day hope to marry her, but you need to be careful if you are not on the same page spiritually (or at least the same book). Being of two different religions makes it very hard to get married (and stay married). I suggest some discussions about the differences you two have regarding religion- although I am sure you have already discussed it to some extent.

Think about it this way. In marriage there has to be complete trust between the two individuals. Not believing what the other person says hurts the trust that a marriage must have and can end up leading to an unsuccesful marriage. Now since she is a baptist she doesn’t believe the same things you do. So when you say that the bread and wine turns into the actual Body and Blood of Jesus Christ, she doesn’t believe it and in turn doesn’t believe you. Same goes with confession. Since she doesn’t believe in the confession that Christ instituted when he told his desciples “whomever’s sins you forgive are forgiven, whomeveres sins you retain are retained” she doesn’t believe you, the Catholic Church, and ultimately the Truth. Now is she a bad person because of this? Not at all. But you need to talk about it with her, since if you are going to spend the rest of your life together you need to discuss these matters of most importance, and be on the same page, if not for your own marriages sake at least for your future childrens sake.

When two people are married they become one. This oneness is skewed when both of the individuals believe different things. I would highly recommend waiting not only til after college but after she goes through RCIA and becomes Catholic before getting married. Pray for her, talk to her, and love her, and she will realize that Jesus came to earth and started a church, and that church is the Catholic Church. Then when you are married in the Catholic Church your marriage will be filled with an abundance of graces, and you can start consumating your marriage through sex.

When you have sex outside of marriage it is a stain that you bring into your marriage. When you allow birth control into the equation, you put up a barrier between you and the other person. You also kick God out of the relationship. It brings baggage into the marriage as well.
I married a non-Catholic. It offended me greatly for a long time that the priest we went to for pre-Cana told us we had no business getting married due to our differences in our beliefs. He wasn’t the one who married us (and I don’t know if he would have). Since then, he has not only converted to Catholicism, he has become a 4th degree Knight, a man hungry for the Word of God and a defender of the Truth which is the Catholic Church.

I agree with those who have written before me. If you play with fire, you will get burned. The relationship you can create when you take sex and the pressure of sex out of the equation will be so worth it!

I think that you knew, before you posted here, what everyone would say. You know that what you’re doing is a sin. In fact, you said it yourself. I second what everyone else has said, and I suggest you spend a lot of time in prayer. It is possible to bounce back from this and continue your relationship without sin, but it won’t be easy.

Please, for your sake and your girlfriend’s, pick up a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and read and study it. Use the index. Read the Bible references. Find out what the Church teaches and why.

And thank God for His mercy in bringing you back to obedience! :slight_smile: