So am I not married?

I just browsed over a blog about valid marriages. My husband and I were not married in the church. He was baptized catholic but never made his sacraments. We were married at our city hall.

My question is, what makes us less married than anyone else? Where in scripture did it require anyone to get married inside of a church? I don’t mean to sound snarky, but this has me upset. I’ve never read a single scripture indicating such.

Your husband had an obligation to marry in the Catholic Church or to receive a dispensation to marry in a non-Catholic ceremony. If this is the first marriage for both of you, he can easily remedy this situation by making an appointment with his local Catholic pastor and discussing convalidation or radical sanation.

Christ gave the Church authority over its members, for example Paul gives instructions on who Christian marriage. The Church has the authority to require its members to follow its law on marriage.

This is not a reflection on you. Your husband is the Catholic, and therefore he had an obligation he did not meet-- perhaps he did not know since he was not raised receiving instruction in the faith. You celebrated your marriage in good faith.

I encourage your husband to talk to the local parish priest.

Link to the catechism on marriage, here’s only a small part, you may want to read the entire section:

'Mixed marriages and disparity of cult

1633 In many countries the situation of a mixed marriage (marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic) often arises. It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors. A case of marriage with disparity of cult (between a Catholic and a non-baptized person) requires even greater circumspection.

1634 Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. The temptation to religious indifference can then arise.

1635 According to the law in force in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage needs for liceity the express permission of ecclesiastical authority.137 In case of disparity of cult an express dispensation from this impediment is required for the validity of the marriage.138 This permission or dispensation presupposes that both parties know and do not exclude the essential ends and properties of marriage; and furthermore that the Catholic party confirms the obligations, which have been made known to the non-Catholic party, of preserving his or her own faith and ensuring the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Church.139

1636 Through ecumenical dialogue Christian communities in many regions have been able to put into effect a common pastoral practice for mixed marriages. Its task is to help such couples live out their particular situation in the light of faith, overcome the tensions between the couple’s obligations to each other and towards their ecclesial communities, and encourage the flowering of what is common to them in faith and respect for what separates them.

1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: "For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband.“140 It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this “consecration” should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith.141 Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.”

You should also read section 2360 to 2391.

The issue is were you properly educated and informed on how the Catholic Church defines marriage and it’s obligations. Did you enter with the idea that it is permanent regardless of what transpires down the road, including infidelity etc. In some sense it would be unfair to state your marriage is valid in the Catholic definition if you were raised to view it in a different light, i.e. could be ended through divorce.

What Would Jesus -]Do/-] Say?

It’s about following the law. Jesus gave Peter the power to bind and loose.

Citizens of a state are bound by its laws. Members of a Church are bound by Church laws.

There are certain rules for valid marriages in the state just as there are rules in Church. For example, the state says that both parties have to be of a certain age (usually 18) or get parental consent (sometimes they can get consent if they are both over 16, sometimes if the girl is pregnant, etc.; rules vary by state), they must file the appropriate paperwork, pay the fees, etc.

Catholics need to marry in the Church or receive a dispensation to marry outside the Church. They also must promise to do everything they can to make sure that their children are raised Catholic. Many parishes also require marriage preparation and NFP classes.

If it bothers you, you can always talk with a priest about getting your marriage convalidated so the Catholic Church recognizes your marriage as valid. I suggest you do this because you seem pretty upset about this… :thumbsup:

I suspect that is because the scripture writers ‘assumed’ marriages to be officiated in synagogues or early Christian churches. I don’t think marriage services were percieved as any other than of a religious nature in those times.

Your husband IS a baptized Catholic who has not received his First Eucharist or confirmation? He needs to go and speak to his priest as soon as possible. Why are you posting this message? Is he asking for your children to be baptized now?

The Church has rules about what constitutes a valid marriage for it’s members. In order to be considered married by the Church, it’s members must follow those rules. You didn’t follow the rules.

That said, your husband, while baptized, has never practiced Catholicism. You, yourself, are not a Catholic. Given these facts, why do you even care what the Church, let alone some blogger, says about marriage?