Stay at home dads, working moms, and Catholic teaching

Apologetics Social Justice
#1

In the context of researching distributism, I read the following from Pope Pius XI’s encyclical, *Quadragesimo Anno *, No. 71

“to abuse the years of childhood and the limited strength of women is grossly wrong. Mothers, concentrating on household duties, should work primarily in the home or in its immediate vicinity. It is an intolerable abuse, and to be abolished at all cost, for mothers on account of the father’s low wage to be forced to engage in gainful occupations outside the home to the neglect of their proper cares and duties, especially the training of children. Every effort must therefore be made that fathers of families receive a wage large enough to meet ordinary family needs adequately.” (emphasis mine)

Is this criticizing situations in which one of the parents (whether the mom or the dad) cannot, due to work, properly tend to family duties and the education of children

or

situations in which, specifically, the mother, due to work, cannot properly tend to family duties and the education of children?

The first interpretation seems contrived. I think it is the latter (my emotional feelings notwithstanding).

The only reason I included an alternative interpretation, is because I assume that the latter view, might be unpopular even among Catholics, since we live a society in which career women is normal. Traditional values no longer define our society – and many of us were born into generations in which these values had already begun to fade at the cultural level – thus, will not our interpretations sometimes be biased against tradition?

What should be our position about a marriage/family in which out of mere option or preference (not necessity, e.g. poverty, physical disability on the part of the father), the woman works, and the father is the primary care giver of the children?

#2

It seems to me that it is recognizing as evil social situations where the mother is compelled to work. Thus, to the extent the state is complicit in creating/perpetuating such conditions, it is complicit in evil.

I’m not sure where Catholic moral teaching goes on alternative arrangements. My intuition is that, given the distinct roles which mothers and fathers play in the raising of their kids, stay-at-home-fathering really is an inferior arrangement.

#3

A dear friend of mine was raised in the mountain areas of the Philippines, and there were no “gender roles” when it came to taking care of children. Large extended families often lived together; when the baby cries or needs changing or whatever, the person who takes care of the matter may be Mom…or Dad…or a teenaged male cousin…or Grandma, etc. Whoever had a free hand at the moment.

My friend was a stay-home dad when his children were small, and they are the most wonderful, respectful, well-behaved, happy, intelligent children you can imagine. :thumbsup:

Jala

#4

Extended family arrangements are great, so I have no problem with them. And I’m not suggesting stay-at-home-dad arrangements are always and everywhere universally awful, just that on average it is preferable for mom to stay home. This has to do with the symbolic associations of motherhood to love and fatherhood to justice, of motherhood as the executive officer to the father’s captain, etc.

#5

I understand. :slight_smile: I only meant to point out that these associations of mothering vs. fathering are based on societal norms, not on any actual reality of one parent “naturally” being superior or “better at _____” than the other. (Physical breastfeeding excepted. :wink: )

Jala

#6

You have to take into account the society at the time this was written. The norm was for women to run the household and raise the kids. It was seen as a terrible evil to deprive a woman of this because her spouse was not paid a fair living wage.

The real teaching here is not so much which gender is to “stay at home and take care of the household and raise the children” but that the wage earner of the family should be paid enough so the other spouse does not have to work outside the home.

#7

There is no “position.” Jesus told us: “Love your neighbor.” That includes the stay at home father who’s wife works outside the home, the stay at home mother whose husband works outside the home, the husband and wife who both choose to work outside the home, especially the couple or the single parent who have no choice but to work to provide for the family’s needs.

#8

the actual POINT in the original source was that it is wrong to be payed less than a living wage.

#9

Partially. The Catholic teaching is also that a husband and father, with a family to support, should be paid more for a given job than a single person, b/c of said family.

It used to be common for companies to give men raises when they married, and when they had children.

God Bless

#10
#11

It is criticizing how workers aren’t being paid a living wage, BUT at the same time women should be preferred to be at home with children.

Laborem Exercens:

Experience confirms that there must be a social re-evaluation of the mother’s role, of the toil connected with it, and of the need that children have for care, love and affection in order that they may develop into responsible, morally and religiously mature and psychologically stable persons. It will redound to the credit of society to make it possible for a mother-without inhibiting her freedom, without psychological or practical discrimination, and without penalizing her as compared with other women-to devote herself to taking care of her children and educating them in accordance with their needs, which vary with age. Having to abandon these tasks in order to take up paid work outside the home is wrong from the point of view of the good of society and of the family when it contradicts or hinders these primary goals of the mission of a mother26.

In this context it should be emphasized that, on a more general level, the whole labour process must be organized and adapted in such a way as to respect the requirements of the person and his or her forms of life, above all life in the home, taking into account the individual’s age and sex. It is a fact that in many societies women work in nearly every sector of life. But it is fitting that they should be able to fulfil their tasks in accordance with their own nature, without being discriminated against and without being excluded from jobs for which they are capable, but also without lack of respect for their family aspirations and for their specific role in contributing, together with men, to the good of society. The true advancement of women requires that labour should be structured in such a way that women do not have to pay for their advancement by abandoning what is specific to them and at the expense of the family, in which women as mothers have an irreplaceable role.

#12

I think for the most part that mum at home dad at work is grand and all, and should be encouraged as the ideal and held as the norm.

But reality, especially in our widdle, post sexual revolution culture, is quite different. In New Zealand, its quickly reaching a stage where a child is lucky if they have a mum and a dad in the same house, let alone a stay at home mum!!!

End of the day it boils down to the parents, they know the whole story, they know what’s right for them. It should be dad out in the work force and mum at home with the kiddies, but it doesn’t always work like that. Dad might have an injury, or have lost his job, or something else that prevents that normal gender role model.

I do think its a grave evil that so many women are being compelled, almost forced, by a feminist driven mindset into the workforce, that somehow they’re not “real” women unless they have a corporate 8 - 5 as well as 2 kids and a husband also pulling income, kids dumped in childcare as soon as the umblical cord is cut.

I guess it then becomes about what a family thinks it needs vs. what it actually needs. A work mate told me she got her four year old an iPhone4 for Christmas last year - this year its the iPhone5 or whatever the latest contraption is - and the IP4 isn’t even paid off yet!! Cut out all that useless fluff, and I think people would be surprised at just how little they can live on.

#13

What about couples who work in family businesses?
Oftentimes, in the case of Mom and Pop grocery stores or restaurants, the wife is right there along with her husband and at times the children minding the family business. This does not exactly fit into the wife at home and the husband at work scenario which is often touted here as being the ideal.

#14

“to abuse the years of childhood and the limited strength of women is grossly wrong. Mothers, concentrating on household duties, should work primarily in the home or in its immediate vicinity. It is an intolerable abuse, and to be abolished at all cost, for mothers on account of the father’s low wage to be forced to engage in gainful occupations outside the home to the neglect of their proper cares and duties, especially the training of children. Every effort must therefore be made that fathers of families receive a wage large enough to meet ordinary family needs adequately.” (emphasis mine)

Emphasis mine. I think the pertinent part of the above is the bolded part. Emphasis placed on women working is misplaced. Just because a woman works doesn’t mean she and her husband, as a team, can’t see to the proper care, duties and training of children. I think it’s sinful (and extremely insulting) to think women can’t chose to have careers and still care for their family.

Anyway, it’s not like it’s going to change anytime soon. Thank God, opportunties are endless for women, whether they choose to stay at home, or choose to have a career outside (and in addition to) the home. And there’s nothing anyone can do about that :slight_smile:

#15

The modern husband at work and wife at home model is probably only about 100 to 150 years old. It came in with the industrial revolution. Prior to that, the standard model of business would have been the family farm or business. The whole family worked to the support of the unit. The distinction between work and home was not there in the same way - work “outside the home” was primarily the preserve of older children and single young adults.

#16

I have to weigh in on this: it seems like the teaching is acknowledging that women have limited time and energy and that since raising children and managing a household takes so much effort and dedication, it is wrong for the father to not do everything possible to provide for the family so as to reduce the burden on the mother.
As a working mom I scream AMEN to this. My husband and I both work and the stress it has put on me has led to numerous health issues. I want to provide my children with love and a safe, well-ordered environment. That is so hard to do when 8 hours of my day is out of the home and the rest of the time we are just trying to keep up. I love my husband and he is a wonderful father, but the reason I work is because I have the larger salary and the health insurance and no effort has been made to change this. I think the teaching makes sense and I wish it could happen in my home! I have to work to pay bills- and not because I live in a big house or have a nice car, but to meet the financial needs we have.
I know women are capable of successful careers. I have a bachelors and a masters degree and have been successful at work. It means absolutely nothing compared to my children. I would stay home tomorrow if I could. Our children are a sacred trust and our greatest treasures.

#17