What is your opinion towards premarital sex

What is your opinion towards premarital sex?

Why is it forbidden?

My opinion doesn’t matter. What the Church teaches is that sexual intercourse is a total and forever gift of self that is a lie in any context other than marriage.


Great Answer Betsy!

Our bodies are to be temples of the Holy Spirit. St. Paul indicates that sin of the body is serious compared to sins outside the body.

The Boundaries of Sexual Relations -Marriage

The passion, warmth, beauty, and fire of sexual relations are like that of a burning fire in a fireplace. Once outside of their natural boundaries, both sexual relations and fire will destroy the individual, people around them, and everything you have and own. This is the devastating effect of sexual passions outside of the natural bonds of marriage.

All sexual relations outside of marriage work toward weakening and eliminating marriage as an institution. Anything that weakens and causes the destruction of marital bonds ultimately works towards the destruction of the well being and character of children and ultimately of our society at large.

Why is this so?
Sexual passions before marriage creates self-centered gratification, using people to meet ones own selfish sensual desires. Women and men can become sexual commodities to be bought, sold, and traded, all to meet this self-gratification. One streetcar becomes as good as another, miss one, there will be another in fifteen minutes.

If we do not learn to control our passions before marriage, there will be no reason to expect that our passions will be controlled after marriage. Hence, pornography to entice one’s sensual pleasures and marital affairs run rampant in today’s society, all working to tear marriages apart.

If we are participating in self-gratification of sexual relations prior to marriage, we are engaged in using people to meet our wants, and selfishness–the exact opposite of what marriage is all about. You see, marriage is meant to be self-giving through self-sacrifice. We end up marrying the wrong person because we were blinded by sexual activity, never truly learning what our partner was like before marriage. We marry wrongly because we marry with an attitude of what’s in it for me and when the relationships grows tired or weary, we bail out for another streetcar.

Consequently all sorts of diseases are spread, many of which are incurable, meaning we carry them for life and hand them on to our partners and worse cause physical harm to our offspring-- our babies, our children. Finally, some sexually transmitted diseases causing sterilization and some ultimately cause death.

Scripture is clear on this. Without true repentance, this self-centered gratification leads to the death of the soul for all eternity.

1 Cor 6:9; neither the sexual immoral- fornicators nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes, nor homosexual offender nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards, nor slanders nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. Eph 5:5 Be sure of this, that no fornicator or impure man, or one who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Also see: Leviticus 18:22-25, Romans 1:24-26; 1 Cor. 6:15-19; Flee from sexual immorality. … Sins sexually sins against his own body. 1 Cor. 10:8; We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did- and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died. Col. 3:5; 1 Thes. 4:3; Rom 1:29- For pro creation; Gen. 1:28; Mat 19:4-6; For Spiritual unity; Gen. 2:24;

There is A Question That Must Be Answered!!!
The news media portrays sexual immorality as ok. Many of our schools portray sexual immorality as a matter of choice. Our entertainment industry glorifies sexual immorality. Recreational sex is the “in” thing. This is the philosophy, the religion of Humanism.

If the Church does not teach right and wrong and why, who will??

Can you please explain it more clearly? I don’t totally understand. Thank you.

My opinion differs from that of the Church, but since you asked, I’ll provide it. I think that it can be fine as long as both partners are in some way committed and care for one another.

God bless you Betsy!

Further to Betsy’s reply, the CCC says:

2391 Some today claim a “right to a trial marriage” where there is an intention of getting married later. However firm the purpose of those who engage in premature sexual relations may be, “the fact is that such liaisons can scarcely ensure mutual sincerity and fidelity in a relationship between a man and a woman, nor, especially, can they protect it from inconstancy of desires or whim.” Carnal union is morally legitimate only when a definitive community of life between a man and woman has been established. Human love does not tolerate “trial marriages.” It demands a total and definitive gift of persons to one another.



It undermines the institution of marriage, therefore affecting the upbringing of offspring. Mortal sin.


My opinion is that sex is way too special to throw around with someone I’m not going to marry. Maybe I read one too many romance novels, but I place a high value on waiting for marriage, because I want only to share that experience with one true love, not a series of partners. When I was a little girl, I didn’t dream of jumping from one bed to the next. I wanted a fairytale, and seeing Catholic couples around me who had marriages like this only made me realize it’s not a myth. If I ever get married, that is how I want it to be–the way God intended it to be.

Even when I was not a practicing Catholic and did not see anything wrong with premarital sex, I still thought the idea of waiting for marriage was a beautiful custom. It is the patience and giving of oneself that I think makes it so special. This is the opposite of sex as promoted by our culture–sex is all about me, my wants, my needs, mememe. Such selfish attitudes toward anything are completely and diametrically opposite to Christianity, which is characterized by the selfless giving of Christ’s life on the cross.

These are just my thoughts on why premarital sex is a bad idea. I’m sure some wiz here can pull up copious quotes and links from Scripture and the Catechism to get official church teaching on this. :slight_smile:

This is a lovely post. I will share with you that, while neither my wife nor I are Catholic (yet), neither of us have been intimate with another other than each other. We are now married over 20 years with an blessed relationship. That fidelity before and during our marraige is something special and has added another dimension to our relationship. Its a wonderful bond.



What Betsy said. Sexual intercourse by its very nature is an intimate union of two persons. By its nature it is ordered toward the conception and bearing of children. So, by its nature, it can be and is an expression of love which brings forth children. Children need these two parents bound in a permanent union to survive and thrive until maturity.

That’s the nature of the action. There’s a lot bound up in it. The act itself speaks commitment. It is a bodily recitation of wedding vows, which is why the verbal recitation of wedding vows needs to precede it. Otherwise, the act is a lie, and a hurtful lie.

Here are some reasons why pre-marital sex is a mortal sin:

  1. Human law provides the minimum standard for humans to live by. In other words, what is the most that humans can get away with without destroying themselves? God’s law is exactly the opposite. God holds us to the highest standard possible. In other words, what behavior would be needed in order to achieve an absolute perfect society? We don’t change God’s law to suit us because we fall short. We don’t even change God’s law because it’s impossible for humans to achieve. Instead, we adapt because we should always be striving for the ideal. With that stated, what kind of behavior do you think God would expect of unmarried couples?

  2. Moral behavior also requires that we have the highest respect for human life possible. As such, we should never do harm, short of self-defense. Pre-marital sex, no matter how careful, always has a risk of pregnancy. This could lead the mother to another mortal sin through abortion. The couple is also putting a potential human life’s entire future at risk by not being prepared to accept the responsibility to raise it or be prepared to do so in advance. It might have to grow up in a single parent or unstable household, finances would not have been prepared, and so on. The fact that a couple could potentially put an innocent life at risk is the highest form of selfishness and is completely irresponsible.

  3. Despite years of scientific study and philosophical debate, no one knows precisely when the soul enters the human body and human life begins. As such, Catholics are required to take the safest route and assume the most conservative answer, which is that life begins at the moment of conception. Birth control can cause the failure of a fertilized egg to implant, thus causing an abortion. Someone could be the unknowing partner to unintentional murder. Some might also choose to use the morning after pill, which does essentially the same thing, but on purpose.

  4. Pre-marital sex always presents the possibility of sexually transmitted disease. It would be a grave sin to infect someone with a dangerous disease, and some diseases, like HIV, can be transmitted even through condoms. People might not even know they have them. HPV has no symptoms, and yet can cause cervical cancer. How many times have people believed themselves to be in a monogamous relationship, only to discover that their partner is cheating? Over 50% of the population has been cheated on at some point. How many had suspicions beforehand?

  5. Promiscuity leads to more promiscuity. By sleeping around, it decreases the special bond that one has when they are exclusive with a single partner. They want to explore the lustful side of sexuality more, unimpeded by feelings. It increases the possibility of cheating during marriage, and has helped to contribute to our skyrocketing divorce rate. Why get married when I can just sleep with someone and move on? People get obsessed with the initial sexual attraction, and never move on to the more intimate phases of relationships. When the fireworks stop, they simply dump their lover, find someone new, and recapture the feeling again. You always hear in the movies about “fear of commitment”. Well, a LOT of this is due to the fact that people think they have a good thing going. Why would they want to limit their sexual fun by committing permanently to someone?

  6. During pre-marital sex, one is treating the partner like an object of pleasure, rather than an object of love. (This can occur EVEN INSIDE OF A MARRIAGE, by the way…) Rather than using sex for its wondrous purpose, which is a special unity that offers the possibility for the creation of life, we detach from that purpose, and use it solely for pleasure. To be sure, sex is pleasurable and provides fun and great intimacy for couples, but it is meant to be a unique bond that strengthens the family unit, rather than fracturing it through promiscuity. By giving into lust, a couple is exploiting each other for selfish purposes, even if the bond of love is there. The minute that sex becomes just about fun, the couple begins to test those boundaries to see how much fun one can have. These boundaries are difficult to resist, and one can find themselves in trouble very fast. Even inside a marriage, when you are not open to life, you are taking one of the most special gifts of God, which is actually being allowed to participate in the process of creation, and rejecting it as if it is worthless.

So, why is pre-marital sex bad? It could lead to abortion, it could lead to the creation of a child with a family completely unprepared to raise it, it can transmit disease, it is selfish, it weakens the family, it provides a mentality for divorce and lack of commitment, it is exploitative, and is the misuse of a hugely unique gift from God. Does that help?

JimG’s post is an excellent explanation.

To expand a little more, when two people engage in sexual intercourse, they tell each other with their bodies, “I give myself to you completely, and forever.” In effect, intercourse itself creates a marriagelike bond between the man and woman. The two become one. Outside of marriage itself, to speak like this with one’s body is a lie. Look at the pain and suffering that occurs when a couple breaks up after having been intimate. They have become one body, fused together, and now they are ripped apart - like separating siamese twins without anesthesia. How can people who go from one sex partner to another survive this kind of pain? God does not desire this for us. He has given us marriage as the one place where sex unites permanently as it is meant to and does not cause harm.

Within marriage, sex can speak truly and be a beautiful expression of love and unity, as well as the way to bring children into the world, children who have the benefit of two loving parents.


Just a question; why did promiscuity become the “norm”?

I am in college, and it’s “not natural, dude” for me to** not** want to have sex with several women. Since when was is partners, rather than partner? And how on this earth did the idea of an open relationship begin?

These answers all lie in the context of sociology, most of these “norms” started appearing in the 20th centuary. Why? Because it became a “norm” to not practice your faith and shun God.

excellent post. Honestly this is all you really need to read to understand. If you still don’t, there are plenty of books and such on the topic and on the Church’s view. Just search around on the forum.

Not only that but just look at the facts and statistics, Higher divorce rate, risk of pregnancy, risk of fatal diseases, selfishness through sexual gratification and pleasure alone. That alone should be enough of a reason to wait.

Yes I know it’s tough and I even failed to live up to it 2 times but I’ve re-commited to God and have been a second virgin for about a year. However I lost mine in a deep relationship where I thought love existed but it turned out after I gave myself to her she left 2 weeks later for another guy. this was a 5 month relationship.

I was devastated. I have such learned my lesson the hard way and through experience which really re enforces the church’s teaching that it is BEST and the ONLY best way is to wait for marriage. Not only that but it is a mortal sin and justifiably so if you don’t.

I think in a relationship, as far as physical intimacy, things should not go past kissing. Thats just my opinion though. There are so many more intimate things you can do with your boyfriend/girfriend that don’t require physical things. Like movies, bowling, games, or even just taking a walk. Those are the things you should focus on in a relationship before marriage.

Let me know if you have any questions

Someway committed? Care for each other? How best to do this outside marriage?

It is a sin, against the sixth commandment. God’s commandment is enough.

Marriage is Like Christ and the Church

Ephesians 5:22-32
22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

24 But as the church is subject to Christ, **so also **the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, **just as **Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;

29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

30 because we are members of His body.


32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

**Hebrews 13:4 **

**4Marriage is to be held in honor **among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

How do you become “united” or “one flesh”? .

Genesis 1:22
God blessed them and said, “**Be fruitful and increase in number **and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth.”

How do you think they’re going to “be fruitful and increase in number”? Do you realize He was speaking to a husband and wife?

1 Corinthians 7
1Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man **not to touch a woman. **

2But because of** immoralities**, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.

1 Corinthians 9
9But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Jude 1:7 **
7just as Sodom and Gomorrah and the cities around them, since they in the same way as these
indulged in **gross immorality and went after strange flesh, are exhibited as an example in undergoing the punishment of eternal fire.

"strange flesh" not "one flesh"

The Bible is God’s written word. Many verses show that sex outside of marriage is wrong. It’s not an opinion its His Law. And His church continues to teach it.

Read Leviticus 18 if you don’t believe He gave “rules” with sex.

**Luke 10:16 **
16"The one who listens to you listens to Me, and the one who rejects you rejects Me; and he who rejects Me rejects the One who sent Me."

When we hear the bishops’ teaching on the faith, we hear Christ Himself.

This answer is for Et Cetera:
You proclaim that premarital sex “is fine as long as both partners are committed and care for each other.” Where do you find the commitment? Where are your marriage vows? If you proclaim that you care for one another, than, why not marriage? You know as well as I do and the reader’s that it is a mortal sin!!!
I am sorry, but I totally disagree with your statement and think you need to meditate on what you are "sinfully doing.’ Just because you think it is fine is not what the church teaches. Why do we have marriage? Be fruitful and multiply. If you really cared that much for one another, you would get married. You are coping out the easy way. No matter how you look at it, you both are living in “sin.” And if you are a practicing Catholic, you would know this. According to you, we do not need to be married, let us all live together, have sex, and be happy. Don’t you think you might be hurting each other by living together? I totally disagree with you that there is “no” commitment in living together. May you someday know what you are doing is not in accordance with the teaching of the Catholic Church.

I already stated that I know my views are not in accordance with Catholicism. You can easily be committed to another person and care for him or her without being married. After all, do you only start to really care for the other person after you are married? Also, you ask why wouldn’t one just get married. To that I reply: Why should one get married if all is well?