I love the sacrament of Reconciliation and am a firm believer in its graces. That being said, I went to confession today and was not only accused of abusing the sacrament (I’ve only been to this priest 2 or 3 times in my life, how would he know?), but I was also given a penance that I might not be capable of finishing. Without going into too much detail, it was the equivalent of telling an alcoholic, “For your penance, hold this bottle in your hand for seven days, and don’t drink it.” Sure, that isn’t IMPOSSIBLE, but it does more harm than good!
Is it possible to get a penance changed? Or should I follow through with my assigned penance, even though it will be extremely difficult, time-consuming, and very likely not ever get finished? Is there something else I should do? Thanks for any advice.
absolutely no way anyone on this forum is competent to answer your question, which properly belongs to a priest in confession. keep looking until you find a good priest and stay with him as your confessor. and get out of the habit of monday-morning quarterbacking your confessions with third parties, it is not spiritually helpful and potentially harmful. carry out the penance to the best of your ability, but if you can’t do it, simply tell the priest that, and the reason, at your next confession.
Hi Chris. I don’t understand this… you were accused of “abusing the Sacrament (of Reconciliation)”? My initial reaction was :eek: I can’t understand how a priest can say this to a penitent… when it was Jesus HIMSELF who reminded us… that we must forgive:
“Then Peter came up to Him and said, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to thee seven times, but seventy times seven’”. (Matthew 18:21)
It disturbs me greatly to hear that a priest is passing judgment on ANYONE in this way. Am I alone? Does this disturb anyone else? Our priests are NOT in the confessional to JUDGE us. ADVISE us… COUNSEL us… and FORGIVE us, in Jesus’ Name… YES. But not to judge the intentions of our hearts.
I sure hope that you won’t let this incident discourage you from seeking the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Find another priest, if necessary. Or find one you feel confident about… and make an appointment with him. If you’re having particular difficulty in one area (as this priest seemed to “suggest”)… perhaps, you’d get more out of the Sacrament… if you have more “one on one” time with your priest. God bless.
… …Good answer! If we are assigned a penance we think we will be unable to perform, we are quite free to tell this to Father in Confession, and should do so. If we do not realize we cannot perform the penance until after our Confession, we then should attend Confession again as soon as possible and tell Father pretty much what you stated in your OP, or make an appointment with a priest to do so. It does not have to be the same priest as in your original confession.
Thank you for the quick replies. I should have mentioned that I plan to never see this priest again in any way. Any contact with him would only make things worse. Also, I should have mentioned that I’ve been to confession probably a thousand times, and every time has been a wonderful experience. This experience is a real fluke. Since it’s only been a few hours and I’ve already failed to keep the terms of the penance, I think I’m going to hold off for now and ask another priest what to do.
MarieVeronica - Yes, that’s exactly what happened. He implied that I was abusing the sacrament simply because I confessed the same thing as I did the last time. I was as shocked as you are. I agree that something is horrifically wrong about making that accusation. Granted, if I were abusing the sacrament, I would like to know about it so I could stop it! But in this case, I truly believe I was not.
Puzzleannie - I know what you’re saying and I usually appreciate your bluntness…but come on now. Keep in mind I did not mention the sin, or even the real penance I got. I came here because I got kicked while I was down and needed some guidance, and had nowhere else to turn for the moment. When people like me come on here in a vulnerable state, perhaps a more gentle approach would be more effective. I’m not offended, just pointing that out.
First, the advice given by many other posters, about talking to another confessor and not trusting specific advice on this forum, is good advice. This can be a very sensitive issue and we are talking about a person’s immortal soul here.
I am a bit surprised at this priest’s reaction. Many of people struggle with habitual sin, even addictive sins like viewing pornography or heavy drinking. It is an abuse of the sacrament if a man has every intent when confessing to never do this, is taking positive steps to avoid sin, yet falls anyway? I do not believe it is. Instead I call this concupiscence.
I am sorry you had this happen. Please speak to another priest about this penance.
The OP did not tell us the nature of the sin or the nature of the penance or what the priest meant by abuse of the sacrament. Consequently, we have no way at all to judge the priest’s advice or penance.
‘Abuse of the sacrament’ doesn’t necessarily mean repeating the same sin as last time (and how would the priest know what was confessed last time?) It might have referred to repeatedly confessing something which was not a sin. But I have no way to know. That is why he should take puzzleannie’s advice.
Thank you for the quick replies. I should have mentioned that I plan to never see this priest again in any way. Any contact with him would only make things worse. Also, I should have mentioned that I’ve been to confession probably a thousand times, and every time has been a wonderful experience. This experience is a real fluke. Since it’s only been a few hours and I’ve already failed to keep the terms of the penance, I think I’m going to hold off for now and ask another priest what to do.
Good move!..speak to another priest:thumbsup: I am happy that the question you posed, avoiding quite personal details - and hence posing a quite objective valid question, has been answered.
I have been to a priest in Confession who obviously must have got out of bed on the wrong side and was in a lousy mood… and hence I had a feeling for your OP and the objective question you did pose…sometimes we Posters too can sound as if we also got out of bed on the wrong side - and possibly we did …
I agree. I would go to another confessor next time. Nobody should stop you from going to confession.
However, in some cases, where the sin is ongoing like fornication (two people living together out of wedlock), some priests may not give absolution because the person has no intention to stop. The temptation will always be there like the example given of the bottle in the alcoholic’s hand.
This is why its a good idea to follow the advice of St. Teresa of Avila in that, when you find a good confessor, hang on to him for dear life.
Before you go to another priest, pray and reflect a little bit on what this priest told you. It may have deeper meaning for you, than what you’re currently understanding and it might be God is trying to tell you something, through this penance.
Sometimes what might seem like a bad confessor, turns out to be a good one. We just weren’t accepting of what he had to say, at that moment.
I just wanted to add that it is possible to abuse the sacrament–for example, you might say to yourself, “I’m going to commit this sin because I know I can just go to confession tomorrow.” It’s presumptive of God’s mercy.
That being said, I agree with those who said this is a question for a priest.
As already mentioned above, we should pray for a good confessor and pray for the confessor as well. For penance, no matter how bad one thinks his confessor is on that particular day, he/she should trust in God that the penance is for him/her and he/she should take it no matter how unreasonable it seems to him/her. Take it with turst and humility, he/she will come to understand it someday.
It had happened to me, thought I didn’t think it was a bad confessor – I thought for a few sec that the penance was huge – but it turned out it was the best penance I have ever had in my life.
I believe that there is no penance that is unreasonable in this sacrament.
Echoing and adding. Tell the priest exactly what happened, especially the stuff that you didn’t, in good prudence, tell us.
In my attempt to put myself in your position, using my own personal demons, the penance seems like a near occasion of sin We go to confession because we’ve not been strong enough to avoid sin in the first place!
God bless
I’ve read the post thoughtfully, as well as all the replies. I would like to say something here that may have escaped some of you.
When you stated that the priest accused you of abusing the sacrament. What was in your heart at the time of the confession? Were you sincere in your confessing of your sins, what was your attitude? Did you give the priest the idea that you were not going to fight the temptation to do the ‘sin’ again?
The penance did seem harsh but maybe the priest was trying to get you to overcome something here, the temptation that you have to sin again. To realize that one cannot expect the sin to be forgiven only to repeatedly do it over and over without trying to conquer it may be the problem.
Pray for healing, pray for conversion of your heart, pray for the priest. No one has the right to judge. Ask Jesus to help you. Go to confession again, open your heart and soul, be sincere and the graces you seek will come.
Go to confession again, open your heart and soul, be sincere and the graces you seek will come.
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It is not much use presuming or assuming or concluding, presupposing, what might or could have happened. We cannot know, nor is it our business really to know. Father could have been in the wrong for some reason and not necessarily a culpable reason on his part, or perhaps the one confessing was in the wrong in some way and not necessarily culpable either. Perhaps no one was in the wrong at all and it is simply a human misunderstanding and “crossed communication”. We simply cannot know.
If one is in confusion of any kind about a particular Confession, then the way to go is to speak openly and honestly with a priest about it, either in another Confessional situation or by making an appointment…with a priest.
The title of this thread poses a question:
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What to do about an unreasonable penance?
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…and the answer is to speak with a priest about it either in the Confessional or by making an appointment to speak with a priest about it. The performance of a penance from a Confession is intrinsic to the validity of the Confession and only a priest can sort it out if for some reason I am unable to perform the penance assigned…or I am confused about a particular Confession in any way at all.
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…Good answer! If we are assigned a penance we think we will be unable to perform, we are quite free to tell this to Father in Confession, and should do so. If we do not realize we cannot perform the penance until after our Confession, we then should attend Confession again as soon as possible and tell Father pretty much what you stated in your OP, or make an appointment with a priest to do so. It does not have to be the same priest as in your original confession.
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