1yr later...revelations about my marriage

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Lilimo67

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I posted here a year ago about my marriage and received some good advice. Without going into too many details about the revelations, I would like to ask how does a marriage survive when one of the spouses is not interested and will never be in communicating about anything !
Easter Sunday at my in-laws revealed that I either accept my husband is permanently unavailable & I remain in a marriage with an absent partner or I move on .
I never realized how is low self esteem is behind some of our issues. This with being passive aggressive and his issues with gambling as I posted all about here last year , has made the weight of this marriage so heavy to keep going .
Im seeing a catholic priest next week to seek guidance . But for now , I ask, If my spouse refuses catholic counselling to save our union ( I fear he will only go to put up a good front then he will stop) what is left for me to do?
 
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Lilimo67 it’s good that you will be speaking to the priest.
Please God his guidance will help you.

Your husband doesn’t appear to be personally committed to the marriage but please God he will be inspired to consider your concerns because you have the courage to take steps to address the problems.
You don’t mention whether your in-laws reacted, or spoke to your husband about facing the responsibilities of marriage.

We have no control over someone else’s will, eg, your husband’s soit’s no possible to second-guess his response to your initiative. For the moment, my prayers for you, for the priest’s insightful wisdom, and for your husband’s unselfish willingness to follow through on his vows.

How mature his understanding of what marriage means might seem to be deficient.
But you can only deal with your own hurt and isolation at this time, as you only have the resources of your own will and health, not his.

You will receive good advice from other posters. From me, mostly prayer.
May God bless you, and your marriage.
 
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The church will never try and force you to stay in a marriage that your partner has no intention of working on. Speak to your priest, and get his advice. That your husband would want to remain married to you, and place no obligations on himself sounds strange, indeed!
 
I think if your husband has a problem with gambling then you should make sure that your finances are separate.
 
That’s what I need to know and why I’m seeing a catholic priest. thank you ,
 
Meet with your priest, get into counseling yourself, see if Gamblers Anonymous has a support group for spouses/families of those with gambling addictions. If not, Al-Anon is for families of addicts and I’d be headed to a meeting today.
 
Writing him off is not really the right thing. You seem to have reached the conclusion he would fake the counseling without even giving it a fair shot.
 
Definitely not. We’ve been married 16 yrs.
never any sign of this behaviour.
 
I’ve been looking at your posting history, and there seem to be three or four issues that keep dropping up:

A general malaise concerning your marriage;

Your husband gambles;

Your daughter doesn’t get along with your husband;

Your elderly aunt, whom, after a long thread, and lots of advice, you seemed to not want to move in with you…but, within a few months, according to your own, original threads, was already moved in!

All I can think of this is…what do you want?
 
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Seems like such a mess doesn’t it? But really , I still am so grateful for my life .
After 3 months of caring for my aunt ,I let her go. I knew i didn’t want to be around her toxic behaviour.
My daughter dislikes her father because she sees the anger and short fuse and that frustrates her to no end. Ever since she was 4.
I have and will continue let my faith lead me In the path I’m meant to take. Hubby is well aware that if we don’t communicate from this moment on then we must take separates paths.
 
Lilimo67 said:
My daughter dislikes her father because she sees the anger and short fuse and that frustrates her to no end. Ever since she was 4.
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Your daughter needs to see a counselor. Her view of how a man is supposed to treat his family is being formed, has been going on since she was a toddler. Without intervention, the chance is very high that she will marry someone who treats her the same way or even worse. Get help for your daughters sake.
 
Sorry I took so long in responding. Sounds as lf you’re doing the right thing. I actually answered one of your older threads, as it sounded that you might have been ending your marriage, or thinking of it, mostly for your daughter’s sake. I was concerned that you might end up blaming her, but your solid answer tells us that this is not so! Hope your resolve stays firm, and you follow through with your plans!
 
Thank you Legend
I’m choosing to focus on healing the marriage instead of focusing on all the wrongs …
This time around., hubby is finally on board to do the same.
 
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