2 different people in a marriage

[Mcn66]

We are 2 different people with 2 different ideas on marriage,
Mine is having someone to grow old with in faith and love and mutual respect . His is that marriage is a place to come home to after a day at work , to eat, rest, then do it again the next day. It’s been like this for over a decade. How can we survive till death do us part?
How can we survive If he refuses, and has, to communicate.
He said the choice is mine to decide how to move forward .
So I stay married and leave him alone or I ask him to leave and break my vows that I meant 100%.
Reaching out for all of your thoughts , please .

 

[TheLittleLady]

To me, these two ideas are not incompatable.

My husband is the safe place I come home to after a day of work, we eat, we rest and we get up the next morning to face the day. We have done this for decades, and will do it til death us do part. We respect each other, we love each other, we even LIKE each other much of the time, and we have both grown in faith over the years.

If communication is a problem, book a Retrouvaille weekend. Look at some solid Catholic books about marriage.

The first one I suggest is Matthew Kelly’s “7 Levels of Intimacy”. I will ask you a question that this book asks, what is your story? How did you two meet, decide to love each other and decide to marry? What did you do for fun back in those days? Do you still have fun together?

 

[Tis_Bearself]

If the person is disrespecting you then it’s a problem. Otherwise, it’s a reasonable expectation as LittleLady said to have a spouse be somebody you get to rest, be “safe” and spend your downtime with before you have to go back to the daily grind the next day.

I don’t think your initial post really captures what is going on between you. I also think it would be better for you and all the other people here who post about their marital problems to go to a marriage counselor and get some professional help rather than just vent to a bunch of Internet strangers who don’t know you and are only hearing one side of the story from the spouse who posts here.

 

[Mtatum1958]

Retrouvaille, Marriage Encounter, and books such as the one by Matthew Kelly, are just tools that can be used. They require some level of commitment by both spouses (sometimes minimal and begrudgingly) to have a positive effect. Without that, prayer and professional counseling can help one spouse.