Advice, engaged to a mormon?

  • Thread starter Thread starter bill_fitzgerald
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
B

bill_fitzgerald

Guest
I sincerely apologize if this is the wrong thread for this question, I am new here and this is actually my first post.
For some context, I am 22 and was raised LDS, I stopped going to church when I was about 15 and started attending Catholic Mass, I haven’t been baptized or confirmed yet, but I do believe the Catholic Church is true, and planned on going through RCIA this year. Anyway, I am currently engaged to a girl who is LDS. When I proposed, this wasn’t really a problem for either of us, but as time has gone on it has become an issue. We have now postponed the wedding, and haven’t bothered to set a new date. She asked me if I would investigate the LDS church, and meet with their missionaries to ask questions (of which I have many). I have been reading the Book of Mormon (LDS scripture, for those unaware) and honestly just feel nothing but further confusion about blatant contradictions (such as the trinity, even in the BoM God and Christ are mentioned as being one, but lds theology claims they are separate beings entirely, as well as the idea of God being a man, and men being able to become gods atc…) I apologize for the rant, but I am looking for some advice here, do I keep trying to make things work? Or do I call it quits? I really do love her, more than I have loved anyone, but I know she would never convert and wants an LDS temple wedding. And frankly, I don’t want that.
 
Last edited:
You don’t say how long you have been together or engaged, but if you were my son asking me for advice, I would say that this relationship may have served to lead you to clarify your faith belief. If you know you want to become Catholic, and she knows that she doesn’t, I am not sure I would continue the relationship. I think your beliefs are too far apart with not much overlap.
 
I have to agree with Irishmom2. This is a recipe for some trouble. I encourage you to begin RCIA in September. That’s how I entered the Catholic Church two years ago and I love the faith of the one true church. God Bless!

P.S. I think by asking this question here, that you already knew the answer.
 
I think I agree with you about knowing the answer already, maybe I’m just struggling with some denial haha. The Catholic church is by far the most beautiful church I have ever been in, not just in appearance, but in liturgy and tradition as well.
 
My bad, we started dating last July. Needless to say things have moved rather quickly. I appreciate the advice.
 
That is very fast for a youngster. I married just shy of my 23rd birthday and it ended after 13 years. I remarried six years later, am now a Catholic, and approaching twenty years married and happier than ever. I pray for you to make the right decision. Divorce is not something I’d wish on anybody.
God Bless!
 
Advice. If you are a Catholic you should marry a Catholic. Just the sexual issues alone are reason enough. You would have to raise your kids Catholic as well. There are people on these boards and in life that have successful happy mixed faith marriages. But in general it is a huge strike to not share the same basic beliefs on something so important as eternal life. You job as a spouse is to help the other get to heaven. Wise move postponing. If you can deal with this, both decide what your faith will be then move ahead or cut ties that is preferable than to deal with these issues after marriage.
My advice, continue with RCIA and proceed with extreme patience and caution with the relationship.
 
As one who was in a mixed marriage for a very long time, the main reason it worked in my case was because the other person wasn’t that “into” practicing their faith. They believed strongly in Jesus but didn’t have issues with theological differences, nor did they care to attend their own church’s services. Your girlfriend on the other hand is serious about her faith and if you are also serious about yours, this is not a good match.
 
You say you were engaged to marry in a Mormon ceremony. I have some doubts about their honesty to you.

If it’s only a church wedding, not much of a big deal. But, for a temple wedding, also called a ‘sealing’ both parties must be LDS. It sort of sounds as if your fiancée 's church officials are either not taking her seriously, or she’s not taking them seriously. At the risk of sounding overly personal, how old is she? Has she been married before? It doesn’t sound like her church officials are treating her like even a ‘potentially temple-worthy’ Mormon!

The LDS church has been changing, shrinking really, since the advent and expansion of the internet. They went from ‘always following what the church says, to preaching only what is faith-building, to ‘printing the truth about everything’ before anti-Mormon groups beat them to it’.

Have you ever been to the temple? Tried to apply for a temple recommend? If these terms sound strange to you, your family probably hasn’t een taken seriously for years! Since you are planning to join the Catholic church, this all may not turn out to be such a bad thing.

I do sort of worry for your fiancée , however. It sounds as if someone is not telling her the truth about the requirements and rules of her own church! And, these people, most likely, come from this same church!

But, you are the one who asked for help here. Please, make sure what church you are marrying in…well,before getting married.
 
Oops! It seems you do give your own age-22 in your first post. And you refer to the woman you nearly married as ‘a girl’. So, It doesn’t sound as if this is the standard, LDS procedure at all! You’re fiancée, and you yourself, seem to be involved in a well, ', let’s say, not-very-LDS ’ LDS church. Be glad to go to RCIA. At least you’ll be learning from an official source, just what you will be expected to believe, and practice. The actual LDS church is truly having an identity crisis…and the church you’ve been involved with sounds like one of the worst!
 
Sorry, should have mentioned she is 21 and a return missionary
 
Again, first time poster here, so I am sorry for leaving it some details. I had a temple recommend briefly when I was 12-13, but never bothered to renew it after a while. My parents are both highly devout Mormons, and my fathers side of the family goes all the way back to the first converts of the lds church. My mother is more open minded, having previously been engaged to two catholics, but still a firm believer in the lds church. As for my engagement, initially it was only meant to be a church service, no temple sealing, which is why it wasn’t causing too many problems. But lately she had decided she wants a temple marriage. I know I just need to break things off… As much as that pains me.
After all, I would rather enter Christ’s church single then live in a relationship outside of it.
 
Very glad to hear this! Was a little scared of pushing things, but the personage that is referred to as ‘Jesus’ by the LDS is not, NOT, the Jesus of the Bible, which the Catholics, and most other Christian denominations accept. LDS ‘Jesus’ is the spirit brother of Lucifer, not equal to Heavenly Father, and, in some older writings, shares '(equally?) The keys to the kingdom of heaven with Joseph Smith! Imagine! With a human being, a creation of God, and not perfect by any means. I’m so glad you’re leaving all this behind! But, many people, by no means limited to anti-Mormons, or, even non Mormons, are leaving many of these twisted reasoning behind. I truly hope that Mormonism is permitted to die a natural death…they can acknowledge that some things were true and good, but put them together, you get…let’s say it just doesn’t add up!

At least, people seem to know that Mormons…truly believing Mormons…are NOT Christians! Missionaries today are even being taught that, when asked, they should point out that our Savior’s name is in their official title. That’s the best they can do???Yes-but now they’re saying it under the authority of their leaders.

As to your former gf, pray for her, but don’t let yourself be dragged in, again. And, it still sounds as if she’s being treated rather badly by her church. Especially now, knowing that she’s a returned sister missionary…their treatment of her does seem a bit shabby.

But first,take care of yourself. You’ll actually be allowed to ask questions while in RCIA. Questions you wouldn’t have dreamed of asking a Mormon bishop or elder!
 
Last edited:
bill_fitzgerald said:
I really do love her, more than I have loved anyone, but I know she would never convert and wants an LDS temple wedding. And frankly, I don’t want that.
Click to expand...
A fish and a bird may love each other, but, where will they make a home?

She was missionary dating, dating you in hopes that you will return to the Mormon faith.

It is difficult, but, you cannot build a life and raise kids with someone who is polytheistic, can you?
 
It sounds like you just have too much in the way of faith differences for this to work. If it were me I’d call it a day.
There’s always the hope that she’d eventually convert. But you have to think that she won’t, and will always be LDS. The person you’re marrying is the person she is now. Do you see yourself being happy in that marriage ten/twenty/thirty years from now?
The alternative is you could end it now and meet someone who is on the same page as you in terms of faith. That immediately will make marriage much easier.
 
As another in a successful mixed-marrige, ours is built (faith wise), on mutual respect for each others’ faith background. I will go to church with her and the family, and she has no qualms attending my church, as it’s a place she enjoys attending.

What makes mixed marriages tough is if neither of you are in a place of compromise or respect for the others background. From my experience that’s a must, unless one is basically not practicing.
 
TC3033 said:
As another in a successful mixed-marrige, ours is built (faith wise), on mutual respect for each others’ faith background. I will go to church with her and the family, and she has no qualms attending my church, as it’s a place she enjoys attending.
Click to expand...
But you and your wife are both Christians, you both have the same concept of who God is, the Trinity, salvation and so on. A marriage like that with the respect can work and often does.

But a Catholic and a Mormon, they don’t even speak the same language theologically. If she remained a faithful Mormon she would never stop trying to get him to go back to the LDS. She’s been taught her whole life her place in heaven is solely dependent on where her husband ends up.
 
I was married to a Methodist woman for 8+ years. She even went through RCIA. She undertook it on her own accord, but never fully embraced it. I can tell you, despite the similarities between our denominations (much closer than RC and LDS) the differences are what regularly came to the forefront.

It seems that you are one of the fortunate Catholics to have the zeal of a convert. You seem to have had a rather poignant “call” to the Church. I’d encourage you to pray for discernment. I’m guessing you’ll be praying “as a Catholic” in your heart. That should carry some weight.

In my experience, prayer is always answered…you just have to listen for the answer. It might not be the answer you want, but you’ll get an answer and it’ll be unmistakable.
 
I was a Mormon for 57 years. It was mostly pain and misery. I was baptized Catholic just over a year ago. It’s been the best year of my life. Stay on your Catholic course. You won’t regret it. Don’t look back. I hate to say it, but it sounds like the formula for a disaster if you marry her.
 
Yeah, unfortunately I have to agree with you. Thank you for the perspective! I can only imagine being a member for over 50 years, just thinking about that makes me shiver a little.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top