At the beginning of a relationship, how often should yousee your girlfriend/boyfriend

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FanofB16

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Hi.

I’m hopefully at the beginning of a relationship with a beautiful woman who who is devoted to God.

We have been out twice - once for coffee and then for lunch and a bit of shopping.

I’m hoping she will agree to lunch and the cinema in two weeks time.

That would mean at the moment, we see each other once every two weeks with some email/text correspondence in between.

What do people think of this? Is this about right at the beginning of a relationship?

When should I have a conversation about where things are going between us?

I am 28, but have never had a girlfriend, so it would be really helpful if you could give me advice on my questions or any advice in general.
 
I think that if you feel this is right and a comfortable pace, then it’s good. It really depends on both your schedules and how far apart - distance-wise you are as well as what kind of pace you are comfortable with. I think once a week is good to start out with, but since you are just getting to know eachother, it appears that this seems fine.

When you feel things are getting more serious is maybe when you should have the conversation. I think, though, that it may come naturally. When my husband and I were dating, we gradually talked about everything that would further our relationship and set a standard. Of course, we were in college and exclusivity meant that the guy asked the girl “out,” so that was set after a couple weeks of seeing eachother and hanging out on an almost daily basis and a week apart (for a school break where I spent a lot of time in Adoration asking if this is what God willed). He had no idea about conversations that would lead to marriage - assuming most things were talked about after engagement. I, on the other hand, was quick to ask where he wanted to go in life, what kind of dreams he had, what kind of family he wanted, where he wanted to live, etc. All “subtle” topics that never mentioned marriage explicitly (I let him bring that up) but were necessary to be discussed in order for me to see if he was a potential spouse. If we were polar opposites, I would have said goodbye and not gotten myself emotionally entangled in a relationship that was going nowhere (I had made that mistake a couple times before). I will add that we were engaged after 3 1/2 months and married a year later, so our dating/engaged relationship went by fairly quickly and that is not for everyone.

I think each couple is different and you should do what is comfortable to you and her. Go with the flow - it will move naturally and you will desire to see her more often, I’m sure if you really like this woman. 🙂
 
Hi there,
speaking from a woman’s perspective I suggest not to ask her to the movies (or anything that involves being alone together). It would be best to be in places where you are among people, and seen by people. Going shopping, having coffee/lunch/dinner together sounds great because you’re among people, or atleast seen by many people. Also, do things with her that involve a group setting. I’ve been doing a lot of reading up on courtship and I think it is great! I think as a Catholic, courtship really is the term we should be using. Here’s more info on it:
  1. revolutionoflove.com/soapbox/courtship/courtship.htm
and
2. catholic.com/chastity/Q3.asp
 
FanofB16 said:
What do people think of this? Is this about right at the beginning of a relationship?
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For me, it wouldn’t be enough. I’d be more interested at least once or twice a week, but everyone is different.
 
FanofB16 said:
Hi.

I’m hopefully at the beginning of a relationship with a beautiful woman who who is devoted to God.

Devotion to god is a very good start:)

We have been out twice - once for coffee and then for lunch and a bit of shopping.

I’m hoping she will agree to lunch and the cinema in two weeks time.

Why in two weeks time?
** And I don’t agree with the other poster who ruled out going to the movies. If you go to a popular movie and sit in the middle, you will not be alone.**
** But I would ask this woman if she is comfortable going to the movies. Make it clear that if she is not, that you won’t be offended… and have a second choice ready so she doesn’t feel like she ruined the date.**

That would mean at the moment, we see each other once every two weeks with some email/text correspondence in between.

Are you comfortable with that amount of contact for now? Is she? It is much more important to a budding relationship that the people involved can be open and honest with eachother than how often they see eachother or other specifics.

What do people think of this? Is this about right at the beginning of a relationship?

I think that all relationships are different just as all people are different. What matters is that is is what feels right to you and this special lady.

When should I have a conversation about where things are going between us?

If you are talking openly and honestly with eachother, I believe that conversation will happen naturally.
** If it were me, I would want to know what the other person’s intentions were in regards to dating. If she is looking to find a future spouse, I doubt she’ll waste her time or yours if things progress and just don’t seem right.**

I am 28, but have never had a girlfriend, so it would be really helpful if you could give me advice on my questions or any advice in general.

I know that in today’s society it must be hard to be 28 and not have had a girlfriend, but I consider you lucky! You can now devote your time and energy to courtship and use the life experiences and maturity you have gained so far to your advantage. Dating in your teens and early twenties is not what it’s cracked up to be! If I could go back in time, I think I would have waited until about 25 to start dating.
I will pray for you and your girlfriend so that each of you strives to do God’s will for your lives and that if you are meant to be together that you will have a long and hapy life together.
Malia
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That sounds like a great pace to me! Everybody is different, but when a guy wants to see me every day right off the bat, I feel like he is demanding my time rather than enjoying my company. I’d be very impressed if a guy gave me that kind of space and time between dates in the beginning of a relationship. He would come across as secure with himself and respectful of me. But I’m me, and I know that some people feel ignored if they don’t see their honey every single day. It really depends on the girl.

As for the “where things are going” conversation… it depends on what your aim is. I personally get a little scared if a guy brings out the “wow you’re wonderful and I hope to marry you someday” conversation too early in the relationship (though too late is obviously bad also). I think it’s nice if the guy makes it clear that his intentions are to look for a bride, and let the girl know little by little how much he admires specific qualities she has. It can be hard to strike a balance between talking too little or too much about marriage or “where we’re headed” in the early stages of a relationship. My advice is try to avoid the extremes of being possessive or non-committal, and shoot for the pleasant middle ground of being a knight trying to win his dear lady’s hand.

You might not have experience in the dating world, but you sound like you have a good head and a good heart. I think it’s awesome that you’re wise enough to ask for advice in these matters. God bless!
 
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