Billings Method Really Work?

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Agent94

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So I have been trying the Billings method for about three weeks now. I’m really struggling with it. I had mentioned my struggles with my instructor but she doesn’t seem to get it.
I’m having a very difficult time understanding what sensation I’m feeling down there. I think it goes back to my childhood trauma of sexual abuse. I feel very disconnected with my body, well that part of my body. It’s feels very dirty for me to have to think about my private parts. I am trying my best to chart but I’m scared that I’m not understanding my body correctly, like what it’s telling me. I have a 14 month old and a 1 1/2 month old. Maybe in two years I might be ready for another one, but right now if I get pregnant again, I know I’ll have a major breakdown.
What if I just stop charting and just focus on getting better mentally and just completely abstain from sexual relations? My husband has said that three children is enough for him. No more than this, yet he wants to have relations often. Can’t I just deny him for awhile? For the sake of my mental health? Or would that be sinful? Is it better to risk another pregnancy than to deny him his right to my body? I would like to tell him to piss off, but I know I probably shouldn’t for my soul’s sake. What to do?!?
 
There’s a whole lot there. But mostly what stood out to me was your husband wants relations often but is “done” with kids. Sounds like a recipie for failure.
 
TheLittleLady said:
Prayers for you.

Please, seek the help of a Catholic Counselor (your Diocese Catholic Charities should be able to get you a referral).

You may find another method, like STM with wearable tech (a band you put on your arm every night

https://www.avawomen.com/

https://www.temp-drop.com/

would be better for you.
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I would do this but we don’t have the money. The Billings instructor is doing this for free. She’s very generous for doing this. I also can’t do any temping because I get up with baby every 2 or 3 hours during the night and my wake up time in the morning is very unpredictable. I’m also a very restless sleeper, constantly waking during the night. It’s take me forever to fall asleep when I do wake in the night.
 
The Catholic Counselor will likely work on a sliding scale for fees.
 
Hoosier-Daddy said:
There’s a whole lot there. But mostly what stood out to me was your husband wants relations often but is “done” with kids. Sounds like a recipie for failure.
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Yes, I’m conflicted because this is a recipe for disaster. I don’t know what to do.
 
Billings has a free online charting service. I found it very useful. Billings works well, but you need to be motivated.
 
I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling. I agree with TheLittleLady - a counsellor may be able to help you.

With regards to your husband wanting sex - I can’t speak from a Catholic perspective, or a Christian one, since I’m agnostic. But I don’t think you would be doing anything wrong to abstain from sex, especially because of the potential impact it would have on your mental health. I think he is acting selfishly, to be honest, and not prioritising you and your health like he should.
 
TheLittleLady said:
Agree.

Likely some marriage counseling is in order.
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I just realized that I forgot to mention that my husband is Brazilian and only speak Portuguese and Spanish. We communicate with each other through Spanish. I learned Spanish in college. I am living in a rural part of Vermont right now. I can ask but I highly doubt that anyone here speaks Portuguese as a marriage counselor.
 
If you have a newborn, charting is going to be difficult. My symptoms postpartum are all over the place. I’m not sure whether there is a postpartum protocol for Billings, because I used Marquette. But I wouldn’t be able to rely on mucus observations alone postpartum- it’s too random until my cycles start again more predictably.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with abstaining while you learn a method and while you wait to be able to interpret signs more reliably. Your mental health is important, and you need to be able to care for your children.
 
Just in case I can’t find any marriage counselors that speak fluent Spanish in my area, do you know if any good books concerning marriage? Maybe I can get a book in Portuguese too.
 
Agent94 said:
Is it better to risk another pregnancy than to deny him his right to my body?
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Certainly sex is part of marriage, but that doesn’t mean one spouse has a right to sex-on-demand from the other spouse regardless of any other considerations.

You and your husband will need to talk through this and get on the same page. As others have suggested, counseling can be a great help towards that end.
 
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