Boyfriend’s Porn Addiction Update

[bumblebee]

Hello. I hope this isn’t weird, I’m sort of doing this for closure I think because so many of you on here have me advice when I was first looking for help.

Quiet honestly I did not listen to most of what was said to me. I didn’t like that it felt like everyone was saying break up with him now. I was really sensitive and I don’t know what I was looking for but i didn’t like the responses I got. And low and behold not too long after—I wrote the initial post in March and it was the end of April—he broke up with me. There were a lot of factors involved that when I left the relationship I felt like I was used and I felt severely lied to.

But because the root of the breakup was the porn addiction and the effects that had on everything, for the sake of his privacy I feel like I can’t talk about any of it with someone. I feel stuck in that like. Yes I have prayed about it all. I’ve talked to Jesus in length about everything but. There’s something in me that just wants a person to be there and listen.

It’s been a few months now post breakup and I’m doing well I think. There’s little things that still bother me but I’m healing. For example he told me he loved me and then after the breakup we spoke once after Mass and he told me that he didn’t mean it so that was fun to hear.

Thank you to the people who regularly check the forums and thanks for helping me out and letting me know what I needed to hear then.

 

[Trishie]

I’m sorry you went through so much pain,
of betrayal,
of confused feelings,
and then of breakup,
followed by a callous final admission that his declaration of love was also a lie.

It sound like you are doing your best to recover. God bless you for your courage.

God grant that at the right time you will find someone truly worthy of trust, who will genuinely love you.

Thank you for sharing these difficult developments with us, and for you kindly acknowledgement of those who tried to help even when some of what was advised hurt you.

Hugs and prayers

 

[bmaj]

I’m also very sorry to hear what you’ve been going through, bumblebee. Unfortunately all the lies seem to be a common aspect of a porn addiction. At least they were in the case of my husband. I think part of the reason is the extreme embarrassment involved with the issue even though much of the secular world condones porn. The addict often lies to his partner to avoid more of the same embarrassment, possibly because deep down inside they realize it’s truly a sin. I feel your pain in not having anyone to speak to regarding what you’re going through. I didn’t either, and for the same reasons. When CAF had it’s former format, I was in an online support group here of other girlfriends and wives going through the same thing, and it was extremely helpful to me. Unfortunately, the new CAF format doesn’t seem to allow for that type of support group. It saddened me a great deal to learn that because it was so necessary and beneficial. If you ever wish to “talk” with someone about what you’re going through, please feel free to send me a private message. And that applies to any other women out there, too, who might need a “safe” listening ear or advice from someone who’s been in their shoes. May our Lord’s peace and love give you comfort always.

 

[Legend]

Yes, I remember when you posted on this the first time, some thought you were being too much ‘drawn in’ to the situation…he really have been speaking to someone who could actually help him. Like a priest, counselor, or older male friend who’s strong in his faith! Please, don’t be drawn in again! If he keeps insisting, you should break off the friendship…you don’t need this!

You can always peak to your confessor, or, actually , any priest. You don’t have to give his name, and anyhow, a priest is bound to be confidential.

 

[bumblebee]

Thanks. I really want to speak to a priest, but I am nervous because the priest I am most comfortable with and have been going to for spiritual direction knows him very well too. idk

 

[Retsel]

Is there a way to see her original posts?

 

[bumblebee]

I think this would work: Boyfriend's Porn Addiction

 

[Trident_H]

I’m very sorry to hear things went south. I was sort of hoping you’d dial back in and tell us we were on the wrong side of the fence on this one. You seem like such a decent type it’s hard to imagine a guy would treat you this way after all the support you gave him.

I appreciate you giving us an update because I’ve been wondering how things went.

Please feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk. Some of us get together on Discord too.

Peace Bumblebee. I really hope next time around is full of a lot more positives for you.

-Trident

 

[Hawkmaid7]

Hey gal,

I’m sorry for your loss. Truly. I know that pain too well, took me a year to get all the way over him, but hey, you know what? You can make it too. Definitely talk to people (not him) and don’t be afraid to cry, just don’t give up. Don’t let him crawl back to you, not like that. My guy at least did mean it when he said he loved me, this dude needs…well, I won’t get too violent, heh. Anyway, @TridentH is right, we got your back if you let us God bless you dear!

Hawk