R
robodo
Guest
My situation concerns my current girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend, and my family. I dated my ex-girlfriend for about 3 1/2 years. We didn’t have the best relationship. Much of our time was spent bickering and trying to make up. We shared some physically intimate things but did not have sexual intercourse.
She came from a broken family. She had several relationships prior to mine. She became very close to my family during the time we dated, almost like a daughter. Things didn’t work out for us. I just knew and felt strongly that this was not a very loving / God centered relationship. We had a “mutual break-up”. There were tears shed and feelings hurt, but we both felt the relationship was going nowhere. It was not violent. She took care of some unresolved issues with past boyfriends.
I can’t recall if we talked about staying in touch during our “break-up”. Regardless, we did communicate with each other, listening to each others lives. I remember feeling turmoil in my stomach talking to her. I felt subordinated to her. I did not know what to do with my feelings. I knew she was still good friends with my family. I did not condone her dealings with my family. I probably encouraged it. About a year later, she had met some good Christian people and had a conversion. She seemed to be a different person. At this time, I considered her a friend in Christ. I knew 100% that we would never get back together.
The issue. My current girlfriend and I met online through St. Raphaels.net. I told her about my ex-girlfriend and her relationship with my family. She seemed quite amazed and shocked to know that my ex-girlfriend was hanging around with my family. She told me how she felt about it, that traditionally speaking, it’s not a good thing to have the ex-girlfriend in the picture. I never really understood that situation. I’m trying to understand more of a traditional take on the separation from ex-girlfriend thing. However, I am a person who does not like to hurt peoples feelings and doesn’t like to make ripples. I thought, it will be fine… just accept my ex-girlfriend and everything will work out. My family will come to love you just the same. To make matters worse, my ex-girlfriend was at my family for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Coincidentally, I brought my current girlfriend home too, so that was a messy situation. That hurt my girlfriend. We’ve “talked about” getting together with my ex and talking. This never happened. My ex-girlfriend asked me what I wanted. Of course, I feel like I should honor my current girlfriend. I sided with her, and asked my ex to not come around my family.
I decided to get counsel from several people. Half think it’s not a big deal that my family is still friends with my ex-girlfriend and half think it that it is disrespectful to my current girlfriend. I’ve talked to 2 priests and one is more lenient while the other one is very traditional and says that I must do this if I love my girlfriend. My parents will come to love and respect me more after I make a decision that my ex-girlfriend should not come around my family any more. What this traditional priest said made sense, yet I have grown up trying to not hurt anyone, turn the cheek, not make waves with people. I’m not a confrontational guy most of the time. On Palm Sunday of this year, I asked my ex-girlfriend and her fiance to meet my girlfriend and I at the Cathedral. I basically told her not to see, communicate with, or interact with my family with the exception of her wedding. This was more of a one-sided conversation but she did contribute to it.
To make matters worse, my ex-girlfriend and her husband called me last week and said that my family is very upset, that they don’t understand why I’m doing this, that this is not the person they know, that they should be able to have friends with whomever they want. When I heard this, it really hurt me.
Is there anyother way this can be resolved? What would have been the most prudent thing to do?
ps, my niece (4yrs old) had a sucessful liver transplant. A benefit has been planned for the end of June. My family wants my ex-girlfriend and husband to help with it. What do I do with that?
She came from a broken family. She had several relationships prior to mine. She became very close to my family during the time we dated, almost like a daughter. Things didn’t work out for us. I just knew and felt strongly that this was not a very loving / God centered relationship. We had a “mutual break-up”. There were tears shed and feelings hurt, but we both felt the relationship was going nowhere. It was not violent. She took care of some unresolved issues with past boyfriends.
I can’t recall if we talked about staying in touch during our “break-up”. Regardless, we did communicate with each other, listening to each others lives. I remember feeling turmoil in my stomach talking to her. I felt subordinated to her. I did not know what to do with my feelings. I knew she was still good friends with my family. I did not condone her dealings with my family. I probably encouraged it. About a year later, she had met some good Christian people and had a conversion. She seemed to be a different person. At this time, I considered her a friend in Christ. I knew 100% that we would never get back together.
The issue. My current girlfriend and I met online through St. Raphaels.net. I told her about my ex-girlfriend and her relationship with my family. She seemed quite amazed and shocked to know that my ex-girlfriend was hanging around with my family. She told me how she felt about it, that traditionally speaking, it’s not a good thing to have the ex-girlfriend in the picture. I never really understood that situation. I’m trying to understand more of a traditional take on the separation from ex-girlfriend thing. However, I am a person who does not like to hurt peoples feelings and doesn’t like to make ripples. I thought, it will be fine… just accept my ex-girlfriend and everything will work out. My family will come to love you just the same. To make matters worse, my ex-girlfriend was at my family for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Coincidentally, I brought my current girlfriend home too, so that was a messy situation. That hurt my girlfriend. We’ve “talked about” getting together with my ex and talking. This never happened. My ex-girlfriend asked me what I wanted. Of course, I feel like I should honor my current girlfriend. I sided with her, and asked my ex to not come around my family.
I decided to get counsel from several people. Half think it’s not a big deal that my family is still friends with my ex-girlfriend and half think it that it is disrespectful to my current girlfriend. I’ve talked to 2 priests and one is more lenient while the other one is very traditional and says that I must do this if I love my girlfriend. My parents will come to love and respect me more after I make a decision that my ex-girlfriend should not come around my family any more. What this traditional priest said made sense, yet I have grown up trying to not hurt anyone, turn the cheek, not make waves with people. I’m not a confrontational guy most of the time. On Palm Sunday of this year, I asked my ex-girlfriend and her fiance to meet my girlfriend and I at the Cathedral. I basically told her not to see, communicate with, or interact with my family with the exception of her wedding. This was more of a one-sided conversation but she did contribute to it.
To make matters worse, my ex-girlfriend and her husband called me last week and said that my family is very upset, that they don’t understand why I’m doing this, that this is not the person they know, that they should be able to have friends with whomever they want. When I heard this, it really hurt me.
Is there anyother way this can be resolved? What would have been the most prudent thing to do?
ps, my niece (4yrs old) had a sucessful liver transplant. A benefit has been planned for the end of June. My family wants my ex-girlfriend and husband to help with it. What do I do with that?