Can I receive communion?

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AnneBOK

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Hi -
I am new here so I am not sure if I am posting this in the correct forum. Please forgive me if I am not.

Here is my situation/question:
At a much younger (and less wise age) I married outside the Catholic church (Baptized Catholic as an infant - received first communion at 15 - never confirmed). I was not active in the church at the time and the wedding was a “quickie” in Las Vegas that lasted less than two months and ended in divorce. My husband was definately NOT Catholic and had been married several times before) I married a few ears later (for all the right reasons, but still not in the Catholic Church) and was widowed a few years later (I had a three year old daughter at the time from the second marriage). I re-married when my daughter was ten and am still married to that same wonderful man. He is not Catholic and has no interest in joining the church (or any other) and my daughter is a high school gradutae who goes to church at a protestant church of her choice. Now I find myself yearning to come home to the Catholic Church (have felt that way for several years now) and wanted to know what I need to do in order to be able to receive Holy Communion again. Since I never received and annulment fro my first marriage is this even possible? I honestly do not even know if the man is alive (I have heard conflicting reports a couple of times several years ago). I absolutely cannot contact him even if he is alive - he stalked me and was violent and I will not put my family in danger because of him. There would not even be the possibility of a witness to any part of the marriage as we eloped and were together so brief a time. I am now in my mid 40’s and really have no way of anyone confirming any of what I have stated here (as fas as the abuse, stalking etc).

I have received conflicting inforation on whether or not I can receive Commuion…I have been told the following by different people along the way:
  1. no way under any circumstances can I receive Communion since I married outside the Catholic Church after my divorce unless I get an annulment from my first marriage and my husband agrees to either join the church or we take “marriage classes” and have our marriage blessed…Good luck getting my husband to agree to THAT 😦 He supports me in what I want to do as far as church, but he does not want to be involved at any level.
  2. I was told that I CAN receive communion even now as long as I go to confession and my husband and I live as “brother and sister”…The ironic part is is that we already live that way due to a variety of medical conditions…We support eachother in so any ways, but we do live a celibate life…
What to do?? My heart would be so full if I could receive Communion this Easter - it would be like a new beginning to me.

BTW - I have also been told that I can use the “Internal Forum” to resolve the annulment and marriage issues and receive communion…I was told this by priest but I wanted to know if this is true or not…

Thanks in advance!
Anne
 
Very confusing story, and every situation is different, please see your priest right away, chances are it is much simpler to unravel than it sounds. If you were Catholic at the time of first marriage, it was probably not valid because not in the Church and no dispensation, and man had previously been married. Please see the priest who can help you navigate this. It depends on a lot of things, and only by telling him the full story with all the facts of your marriages, and current husbands previous marriages, if any, can he advise you. Even if a full investigation and annulment proceedings are necessary, which just from the facts related here does not seem so, if abuse etc. were a factor they would take that into account and protect you. Really pointless to speculate, please see your priest.
 
AnneBOK, as well studied as many of us are here in the forums, there are none of us here to really delve into this type of personal question. If you feel you have already gotten several conflicting responses elsewhere, well you haven’t seen nothing yet. 😃 You will find even more varied responses here which will most likely still leave you with your question unanswered, and leave others wondering what people who respond are smoking. 🙂

The only answer I feel that can be given is to go talk to your parish priest, or to the person in charge of the marriage tribunal in your local diocese so that you can get a solid authoritative answer from someone who can actually work with you on this issue.

You will be in my prayers.
 
I can understand that you are being called to be nurished by the Eucharist. Your pastor can direct you to the proper place. In our diocese, you can also contact the bishop’s office directly and be given information on a canon lawyer that brings cases to the tribunal. In many cases it does not have to go that far. Don’t worry about the fellow you don’t want contacted, they will know what to do.

Good luck and God bless,
Deacon Tony
 
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AnneBOK:
Hi -
I am new here so I am not sure if I am posting this in the correct forum. Please forgive me if I am not.

Here is my situation/question:
At a much younger (and less wise age) I married outside the Catholic church (Baptized Catholic as an infant - received first communion at 15 - never confirmed). I was not active in the church at the time and the wedding was a “quickie” in Las Vegas that lasted less than two months and ended in divorce. My husband was definately NOT Catholic and had been married several times before) I married a few ears later (for all the right reasons, but still not in the Catholic Church) and was widowed a few years later (I had a three year old daughter at the time from the second marriage). I re-married when my daughter was ten and am still married to that same wonderful man. He is not Catholic and has no interest in joining the church (or any other) and my daughter is a high school gradutae who goes to church at a protestant church of her choice. Now I find myself yearning to come home to the Catholic Church (have felt that way for several years now) and wanted to know what I need to do in order to be able to receive Holy Communion again. Since I never received and annulment fro my first marriage is this even possible? I honestly do not even know if the man is alive (I have heard conflicting reports a couple of times several years ago). I absolutely cannot contact him even if he is alive - he stalked me and was violent and I will not put my family in danger because of him. There would not even be the possibility of a witness to any part of the marriage as we eloped and were together so brief a time. I am now in my mid 40’s and really have no way of anyone confirming any of what I have stated here (as fas as the abuse, stalking etc).

I have received conflicting inforation on whether or not I can receive Commuion…I have been told the following by different people along the way:
  1. no way under any circumstances can I receive Communion since I married outside the Catholic Church after my divorce unless I get an annulment from my first marriage and my husband agrees to either join the church or we take “marriage classes” and have our marriage blessed…Good luck getting my husband to agree to THAT 😦 He supports me in what I want to do as far as church, but he does not want to be involved at any level.
  2. I was told that I CAN receive communion even now as long as I go to confession and my husband and I live as “brother and sister”…The ironic part is is that we already live that way due to a variety of medical conditions…We support eachother in so any ways, but we do live a celibate life…
What to do?? My heart would be so full if I could receive Communion this Easter - it would be like a new beginning to me.

BTW - I have also been told that I can use the “Internal Forum” to resolve the annulment and marriage issues and receive communion…I was told this by priest but I wanted to know if this is true or not…

Thanks in advance!
Anne
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At this point you should consider not receiving Holy Communion. Because your Marriage is not recognized by the Church. From what you posted it should be a short process to Convalidate the Marriage. IF the man you are currently legally married to is free to Marry ( no prior marriages in his past?) Your first is a Lack of Form because you were Baptized Catholic. Your Baptismal certificate should resolve this. The second is resolved by the death certificate. Speak with your pastor. It may take a few to several months to get everything resolved. Nothing I say here is of course official and only your pastor and the tribunal can give you a clear official answer. Keep coming to Mass and you soon will be able to receive once again…
 
Thank you all for your responses. Somwhow I just knew I would be told to talk to my priest 😉 That, however, is easier said than done as I have tried to approach him with this and have had, let’s say, a less than friendly response…Maybe I will try another parish…This is extremely difficult for me to talk to a priest face to face about…
Anne
 
Don’t be afraid Annie. While your priest would be ideally the one to talk to, if he is superbusy or “unengageable”, you could most certainly contact your diocesean Tribunal (which your priest would do anyway if you spoke to him), and start the paperwork. When you do, if you have any questions about the questions or just get overwhelmed etc. please feel free to PM me (I’ve been through a decree of nullity myself) if you want a shoulder to lean on or an encouraging word. God bless.
 
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AnneBOK:
Thank you all for your responses. Somwhow I just knew I would be told to talk to my priest 😉 That, however, is easier said than done as I have tried to approach him with this and have had, let’s say, a less than friendly response…Maybe I will try another parish…This is extremely difficult for me to talk to a priest face to face about…
Anne
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You need to make an appointment for this. It’s not something to speak with him about after Mass or when you run into him at the parish. There is nothing wrong with speaking with another priest, see if you can find one who is a canon lawyer.
 
I think some wise advice has already been posted . There is no need for further comment on the individual situation, and we commend you, Anne, in prayer to have courage and remember the mercy of Christ.

But I will comment on “internal forum” since it is misunderstood by many, including well intentioned priests.

A number of authoritative rulings have stated that it is not possible for the divorced and subsequently remarried (apart from the case of a decree of nullity or dissolution by competent Church authority) to receive Holy Communion unless they live in a brother-sister arrangement. This is what is properly meant by the “internal forum” solution.

Here are the sources for the future use of those who want to read them and know about this in greater depth. Each can be obtained accurately from the Vatican website.

John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation* Familiaris consortio* (1981), paragraph 84.

Canon 915 of the Code of Canon Law (1983).

Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1650 (1992).

Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, “Letter to the Bishops of the Catholic Church Concerning the Reception of Holy Communion by the Divorced and Remarried Members of the Faithful” (September 14, 1994), n. 4.

The Declaration of the Pontifical Council for Legislative Texts, “On Communion for Divorced and Remarried Persons” ( June 24, 2000).

Familiaris consortio summarizes the point well, so I will cite it: "Reconciliation in the sacrament of penance, which would open the way to the Eucharist, can only be granted to those who, repenting of having broken the sign of the covenant and of fidelity to Christ, are sincerely ready to undertake a way of life that is no longer in contradiction to the indissolubility of marriage. This means, in practice, that when, for serious reasons such as, for example, the children’s upbringing, a man and a woman cannot satisfy the obligation to separate, they “take on themselves the duty to live in complete continence, that is, by abstinence from the acts proper to married couples.”

The bishops of Pennsylvania have discussed the internal forum in a well developed statement. See pacatholic.org/bishops’%20statements/truth.htm.
 
Tantum ergo:
Don’t be afraid Annie. While your priest would be ideally the one to talk to, if he is superbusy or “unengageable”, you could most certainly contact your diocesean Tribunal (which your priest would do anyway if you spoke to him), and start the paperwork. When you do, if you have any questions about the questions or just get overwhelmed etc. please feel free to PM me (I’ve been through a decree of nullity myself) if you want a shoulder to lean on or an encouraging word. God bless.
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Thank you! You may be hearing from me 🙂
Anne
 
If there is no sexual intimacy, there is no sin. Go to confession for EVERYTHING that has occurred in the past and, again, if there is no sexual intimacy (of ANY KIND) there is no sin. (What do YOU think the mortal sin is that you are committing?)
I’m 99.99% sure on this one.

Blessings,
Angel
 
Angels Watchin:
If there is no sexual intimacy, there is no sin. Go to confession for EVERYTHING that has occurred in the past and, again, if there is no sexual intimacy (of ANY KIND) there is no sin. (What do YOU think the mortal sin is that you are committing?)
I’m 99.99% sure on this one.

Blessings,
Angel
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To be honest, about the mortal sin, I am not sure( I never actually mentioned it in my post). What I am concerned with is the divorce, remarriage no annulment issue :confused: And the concern is really only because of what I have heard along the way (the Church says this is ok and that is not…) But remember, when I was growing up a divorced person could not receive communion under ANY circumstances (at least that is what we are taught). I know that is not true, but it IS hard to forget some things that were drummed into this brain of mine :o . I have always been the kind of person who is much much harder on themselves than any other person could ever be…I was hopin this would change with age but it has not. What I do keep remembering though is how I felt when I was receiving Communion; I felt whole.
Anne
 
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AnneBOK:
To be honest, about the mortal sin, I am not sure( I never actually mentioned it in my post). What I am concerned with is the divorce, remarriage no annulment issue :confused: And the concern is really only because of what I have heard along the way (the Church says this is ok and that is not…) But remember, when I was growing up a divorced person could not receive communion under ANY circumstances (at least that is what we are taught). I know that is not true, but it IS hard to forget some things that were drummed into this brain of mine :o . I have always been the kind of person who is much much harder on themselves than any other person could ever be…I was hopin this would change with age but it has not. What I do keep remembering though is how I felt when I was receiving Communion; I felt whole.
Anne
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The mortal sin and, therefore, the inability to receive ANY sacrament (from the beginning of “divorce”) was not the divorce. It was the intimacy with the “new” wife/husband. Then the sin is adultery,(unless there was a church annulment for the first marriage and a new marriage with a new spouse)

There is no sin for leaving a bad situation - but, if the church does NOT issue an annulment, the penance is either the unmarried state (living as brother and sister) or the inability to receive the sacraments. Not both.

God bless you for your obvious concern on this situation.

I used to cry - a lot - about everything. A little wierd. Then some wonderful, holy woman told me that my tears were for those who could not, did not cry for their sins.

You may consider your concern as a gift to God for those who have no concern for His word. You may be saving souls, if you can offer it for them, and dismiss it for yourself.

Blessings,
Angel
 
Hi Anne,

It is best to call your rectory and make an appointment, but if you are not getting a response, try calling the diocesean office. Most dioceses have an office dealing only with annulment and other marriage problems.

God bless you–this may be resolved easier than you think.

Star
 
Yaay!
I just got a LOVELY e-mail from my parish priest (whom I have actually never met, due to the fact I am new in the city I live in) - very caring and hopeful 🙂 I am making an appointment today to meet with him and talk everything over. This is a HUGE stp forward for me. I approached a priest in a different parish and got a less than sensetive/caring response - it left me in tears for days. Now they are tears of joy - not sorrow 👍
Anne
 
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