Catholic dating website advice

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I heard a young Catholic woman discuss an interaction she had with a young Catholic man via a Catholic dating site.

He told her that her attire in her profile picture was immodest.

Dude—take this advice : if you have any hope of ever connecting with a young woman, regardless of where you “meet” her, do not criticize her clothing as part of your initial conversation. In this case, you lost, bud. Srsly.
And because I’m feeling generous, I’ll give you bonus advice for the long term future: If you ever do develop a relationship with a woman, don’t criticize what she’s wearing.

(Basically, if you don’t like what she’s wearing now, you are not a Match, because that’s not gonna change.)
 
Yes, especially the part about if he doesn’t like what she is wearing, she is not a match. If he doesn’t like what she is wearing, don’t even respond.
 
Yeah, I hope the website has a block button for these kinds of “helpful Hannahs”.

Unfortunately such criticisms are often made by men who are more attracted to the lady’s appearance than they would care to admit. Sadly I know this by personal experience.
 
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I also fear that it fuels a self-fulfilling prophecy that there aren’t any “good Catholic women” out there. A guy sends out a message that he’s hard to get along with and then finds that women don’t want to get along with him.
 
Guys like that would have problems regardless of religion. There are always going to be people with poor social skills who flop at dating and blame it on the entire population of men or women because they can’t accept that they themselves are lacking in social skills.
 
Because for some reason they did not date in high school, they did not really learn the way to interact socially with young women. They are taking ques from some very whack-a-doo websites and will need to do their growing up before they can think about a grown up relationship.
 
More than I experience, it can also be a personality type. I know people who seem to intentionally make themselves unattractive then get upset that people aren’t welcoming.

It’s not just in physical unattractiveness, but in their words and actions also.

I guess it is a form of inexperience and immaturity.
 
Men must avoid pursuing women who dress immodestly!

Secondly, it’s a win, and definitely not a “loss,” to stop talking to women that will potentially lead you to hell through so many mortal sins of lust, complacencies, and fornications, such that you cannot even count the number of sins that you committed the next time that you go to confession (lust from immodest dress, obscene talk, wicked and vile ‘exterior’ acts, etecera).

If only men could go back and “lose,” they’d potentially avoid countless complete separations from God (mortal sins).

By frequently talking with women about “love” (even if the devil at first does not initially present temptations), you risk to lose both your God and your soul.

Constant custody of the eyes is needed for men. Modesty is a must for women!
 
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alphonsus1 said:
Modesty is a must for women!
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We are not to blame others for our sins, a Christian is responsible him/her self for their sins including
alphonsus1 said:
lust from immodest dress, obscene talk, wicked and vile ‘exterior’ acts, etecera)
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Modesty is a Christian virtue that is imperative of all Christians, men and women (bold added).

http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a9.htm#2522

2521 Purity requires modesty, an integral part of temperance. Modesty protects the intimate center of the person. It means refusing to unveil what should remain hidden. It is ordered to chastity to whose sensitivity it bears witness. It guides how one looks at others and behaves toward them in conformity with the dignity of persons and their solidarity.

2522 Modesty protects the mystery of persons and their love. It encourages patience and moderation in loving relationships; it requires that the conditions for the definitive giving and commitment of man and woman to one another be fulfilled. Modesty is decency. It inspires one’s choice of clothing. It keeps silence or reserve where there is evident risk of unhealthy curiosity. It is discreet.

2523 There is a modesty of the feelings as well as of the body. It protests, for example, against the voyeuristic explorations of the human body in certain advertisements, or against the solicitations of certain media that go too far in the exhibition of intimate things. Modesty inspires a way of life which makes it possible to resist the allurements of fashion and the pressures of prevailing ideologies.

2524 The forms taken by modesty vary from one culture to another. Everywhere, however, modesty exists as an intuition of the spiritual dignity proper to man. It is born with the awakening consciousness of being a subject. Teaching modesty to children and adolescents means awakening in them respect for the human person.
 
Please, this is not a modesty thread. It is a dating site advice thread, not a thread to discuss custody of your eyes vs. how women dress.
 
Modesty is not really about clothes, it is about the heart as referenced above.

You may want to start a new topic.
 
My comment was related to the thread. The thread is about a dating site where a man “inappropriately” admonished a woman for dressing immodestly. My reply was that it is a good thing to “lose” (in the original posters words), out on a relationship that could potentially lead you to Hell.

And in addition, like usual, I gave my standard advice on modesty and custody of the eyes (as an aside).
 
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Yes, modesty is more than just modesty of dress (modesty of speech and imagination for example), but nonetheless, dress is still pertinent to modesty.

Catechism 2521:
“2521 Purity requires modesty , an integral part of temperance. Modesty protects the intimate center of the person. It means refusing to unveil what should remain hidden. It is ordered to chastity to whose sensitivity it bears witness. It guides how one looks at others and behaves toward them in conformity with the dignity of persons and their solidarity.”

“It means refusing to unveil what should remain hidden” shows that modesty has to do with dress too.
 
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alphonsus1 said:
And in addition, like usual, I gave my standard advice on modesty and custody of the eyes (as an aside).
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Which is off topic and not the subject of this thread. As someone else suggested, you should start your own thread on the topic.
 
Okay, on topic comment: “women should only post modest pictures on dating websites (which is in conformity with my general modesty advice).”
 
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Regardless, a guy will not make any friends if his interest in posting on a dating site is to admonish the women there.

It’s a lose-lose game. She will resent him and his criticism, and he will have wasted his time.
 
TheLittleLady said:
Because for some reason they did not date in high school, they did not really learn the way to interact socially with young women.
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As a high schooler, I don’t think dating in high school would be a great idea. It would just be awkward. I am perfectly comfortable hanging out with girls my age, but I see no reason to date. I would even say that dating would make social interaction harder for me. Also, dating is ordered towards marriage. I am generally considered mature for my age, but I am not mature enough to be seriously discerning marriage with a specific person. I also know a 20 year old who has never dated, but is quite possibly the most popular and socially comfortable person I know. In short, dating is not necessary to be socially comfortable with persons of the opposite sex.
 
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