Chastity and single Catholic adults

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MichelleTherese

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My fellow Catholics, it’s time to take back our society and resurrect the virtue of chastity! There is no excuse for single adult Catholics to be sexually active and/or contracepting, nor living with lovers. This is absolutely unacceptable and the excuse of “it’s the fault of our society and the music and tv shows” is old and worn out. It won’t fly when we meet God face to face. We reject God when we are involved in sexual impurity.

As single Catholics we are expected to embrace the virtue of chastity. As we all know, this is easier said then done. Why the lack of support? Why the silence? Why do we turn our heads and ignore what’s going on?

I have been trying to get single Catholic adult chastity into the limelight of the Catholic media but I’m just one unknown person. There’s plenty of support out there for Catholic kids and teens and I think that’s GREAT. But meanwhile we Catholic adults are told, “Why don’t you read those nice books about chastity in the kids’ section? They’ll still apply to you. It’s all the same.”

It isn’t “all the same”. Adults face different challenges and problems and have far less accountability then kids. It’s much easier for adults to fall.

Why are single Catholics watching sex-soaked TV shows and listening to impure music that does nothing but extol the greatness of immorality? Why do we dress in skimpy body-baring clothes? If we are called to chastity, why do we allow such things to be a part of our lives? How do we expect ourselves to be chaste if we allow these weeds to infest our lives? We are to avoid those things that tempt us, yet we welcome them with open arms. We stay silent while friends and loved ones wallow in immoral things. Why? Are we cowards that can’t speak up anymore? It’s all about God, not about personal pleasure and fulfillment. We are called to be Saints!

Rather then sit on my haunches and whine, I want to make things happen. For the glory of God and for those of us whose souls are in danger of being lost because of sexual impurity. A huge percentage of single Catholics that I know, or know of through friends, are contracepting, sexually active, and usually living with lovers. Is this the holiness we are called to?
What can we do? A lot! We can write letters to all of the Catholic magazines, TV stations, and radio stations requesting that single **adult **chastity be specifically addressed on a continual basis. We can write books, booklets, pamphlets, and articles addressing this issue. The gifts of art and music can be used as well! Just imagine the the wonders that those of us who are good at speaking in front of groups can do. The message of chastity can spread like wild fire through various ways, if and when we get off our duffs and make it happen. This isn’t about judgment. This isn’t about being Holier Then Thou if we happen to be the ones that are chaste. This is about getting the message out that we are to be chaste. This is about support and education and the making of Saints. There’s no reason or excuse to sit back and wait for someone else to do the work. Someone else will do the work if we fail to: Satan. He’s been doing a really good job thus far, don’t you think?
If you are already chaste: when temptation washes over you like a tidal wave and you are drowning, what do you do to get out of it?

If you aren’t chaste, and you are brave enough to say so, what do you need to help you, to support you? What can we do for one another when we struggle with chastity, or we have fallen? What will help pull us out of impurity and into chastity?

Anyone, chaste or struggling to be chaste, Any ideas? Thoughts? Testimonies? Support? Questions? Complaints?

Let’s make something happen.

God bless!
 
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MichelleTherese:
My fellow Catholics, it’s time to take back our society and resurrect the virtue of chastity! There is no excuse for single adult Catholics to be sexually active and/or contracepting, nor living with lovers. This is absolutely unacceptable and the excuse of “it’s the fault of our society and the music and tv shows” is old and worn out. It won’t fly when we meet God face to face. We reject God when we are involved in sexual impurity.

As single Catholics we are expected to embrace the virtue of chastity. As we all know, this is easier said then done. Why the lack of support? Why the silence? Why do we turn our heads and ignore what’s going on?

I have been trying to get single Catholic adult chastity into the limelight of the Catholic media but I’m just one unknown person. There’s plenty of support out there for Catholic kids and teens and I think that’s GREAT. But meanwhile we Catholic adults are told, “Why don’t you read those nice books about chastity in the kids’ section? They’ll still apply to you. It’s all the same.”

It isn’t “all the same”. Adults face different challenges and problems and have far less accountability then kids. It’s much easier for adults to fall.

Why are single Catholics watching sex-soaked TV shows and listening to impure music that does nothing but extol the greatness of immorality? Why do we dress in skimpy body-baring clothes? If we are called to chastity, why do we allow such things to be a part of our lives? How do we expect ourselves to be chaste if we allow these weeds to infest our lives? We are to avoid those things that tempt us, yet we welcome them with open arms. We stay silent while friends and loved ones wallow in immoral things. Why? Are we cowards that can’t speak up anymore? It’s all about God, not about personal pleasure and fulfillment. We are called to be Saints!

Rather then sit on my haunches and whine, I want to make things happen. For the glory of God and for those of us whose souls are in danger of being lost because of sexual impurity. A huge percentage of single Catholics that I know, or know of through friends, are contracepting, sexually active, and usually living with lovers. Is this the holiness we are called to?
What can we do? A lot! We can write letters to all of the Catholic magazines, TV stations, and radio stations requesting that single **adult **chastity be specifically addressed on a continual basis. We can write can write books, booklets, pamphlets, and articles addressing this issue. The gifts of art and music can be used as well! Just imagine the the good that those of us who are good at speaking in front of groups can do. The message of chastity can spread like wild fire through various ways, if and when we get off our duffs and make it happen. This isn’t about judgment. This isn’t about being Holier Then Thou if we happen to be the ones that are chaste. This is about getting the message out that we are to be chaste. This is about support and education and the making of Saints. There’s no reason or excuse to sit back and wait for someone else to do the work. Someone else will do the work if we fail to: Satan. He’s been doing a really good job thus far, don’t you think?
If you are already chaste: when temptation washes over you like a tidal wave and you are drowning, what do you do to get out of it?

If you aren’t chaste, and you are brave enough to say so, what do you need to help you, to support you? What can we do for one another when we struggle with chastity, or we have fallen? What will help pull us out of impurity and into chastity?

Anyone, chaste or struggling to be chaste, Any ideas? Thoughts? Testimonies? Support? Questions? Complaints?

Let’s make something happen.

God bless!
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Agreed. I think the key is staying chaste is to stay away from pornography, filthy movies, filthy music and ect. Also a big key is to pray often. Take an Adoration Hour at your church and God will help out. Remember, if you let garbage in, garbage will come out! Just my thoughts.
 
Excellent point! Now, can you take that same idea and write an article for your Parish bulletin before next Sunday? Ideas are great, action is better.
 
AMEN Sister!

Chastity is NOT the same for adults as it is for children…and our issues are MUCH more complicated. Our society is built on double standards and fed by lack of support for morality. The silent majority give acquiescence to the sins against chastity every day.

I actually said something about it to a friend of mine who alluded to her “need” for sex. She is an ex-Catholic who did not understand the faith and even now doesn’t understand the Christian church she has been attending.

I actually spoke FOR chastity, and told her what’s wrong with relations outside of marriage…morally, psychologically…physically…etc. She actually disconnected with me, called back a few minutes later and changed the subject.

People don’t want to hear, but therough this forum (in general) I am gaining the strength to just say what I think about moral issues. As someone on EWTN pointed out the other day, life is too short to worry about what other people think when we speak for our own beliefs rather than just listen to theirs.

I for one am so tired of hearing about all the gay partners pretending their lifestyle is moral, the shacked up couples pretending their choice is moral, and all the people pretending that abortion is completely OK because the results of their actions are inconvenient to them.

I pray that we all find the strength we need to stand up to societie’s pressures, not only in our own lives but for the benefit of the souls around us every day.

God Bless!
 
Get the temptations out of our lives: Get rid of the TV!!!
Check the USCCB Reviews before going to the movies.
Monitor what you read.
Don’t wear clothes that make you feel, look, or act like a sex object.
Dress modestly and act modestly.
Recognize your singlehood as a vocation.
And get used to being called a geek 😃
It is not easy. Not by far. Out of sight, out of mind. At least to a certain extent. The less we are around nudity, sexual innuendo, even romantic tension, the better off we are. Personally I find I am tempted if I even stray into the world of romance novels. A good murder mystery where there isn’t any sex is fine, but nothing where the clothes come off. And hang around with people who share your values, people who know what you stand for and respect it. And share your faith respectfully. Live it.
 
I know someone who is Catholic and considers herself a “spiritual” person. She was married at 30, divorced a few months later, and then the marriage was annulled. Now, 20 years later, she has found a man with whom she is in love. He also was married once; I don’t know how it ended. They go to Mass together, pray together - it all looks very good. UNTIL they decided they wanted to have sex. Being good Catholics, they consulted not one, not two, but THREE priests, all of whom told them that since they were adults and not virgins, that it would be OK for them to have sex with each other. **What do we do about this kind of thing??? ** (I know, pray before the Blessed Sacrament.) What’s with this attitude that chastity and continence are OK for the very young, but once we’re grownups, it’s no longer expected??? As noted above, there are no books about living the virtue of chastity written for adults beyond their 20’s. I suppose it’s assumed that past that age, people are either married or consecrated religious or priests - what about the ones who haven’t found the right person, or the gay ones, or the divorced or widowed??? I sent her a note about the fact that she “may” have received some bad advice, and the only thing I could quote was the CCC, because every other chastity resource was aimed at people in their teens and 20’s. Very frustrating.

Betsy
 
JCPhoenix, baltobetsy, Maggie, you all make awsome points! It’s absolutely refreshing to hear other Catholics sticking up for the virtue of chastity.

Now, can you three take that same passion, that same conviction and DO SOMETHING with it? Can you write the same stuff in your parish bullitens or create a pamphlet and set them out at your church? How about having a meeting with single Catholics and speaking about this issue of chastity and how to avoid sexual sins?

We may only be one small unknown person in our parish but we can still work wonders.
 
"What do we do about this kind of thing???"

We take a stand and make our voices heard. Writing on this forum is a great start but we must take this message a step further.

"I pray that we all find the strength we need to stand up to societie’s pressures, not only in our own lives but for the benefit of the souls around us every day."

Well, do it! Take the first step. Speak out, write, do something. No books? Write one! Can’t write a book? Speak instead. Hold a class at your parish about the Church’s teachings on the virtue of chastity and how this applies to adults as well. We all have gifts that God can use - but we have to act on them.

Right now I’m taking a creative writing class so that I can write books (fiction) about chastity and single Catholic adults. What are your plans?
 
As a few of us try to start a young adults’ group in my church, I’m hoping to write a newsletter (I actually offered to do this…amazing, considering how disorganized I am!) But one of my topics is going to be about chastity, and thanks to you, I now have a thread here and comments to help me form the letter!

This is still a thing in the future, but with prayers, I think we can all do something to advance this truth. We know this is what the Church supports, it’s what Jesus preached, and it’s what the Blessed Mother lived…may she Bless us as we try to follow in her steps.
 
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JCPhoenix:
I for one am so tired of hearing about all the gay partners pretending their lifestyle is moral, the shacked up couples pretending their choice is moral, and all the people pretending that abortion is completely OK because the results of their actions are inconvenient to them.

I pray that we all find the strength we need to stand up to societie’s pressures, not only in our own lives but for the benefit of the souls around us every day.
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AMEN! This sounds like a great manifesto. It needs to be placed in every parish bulletin in the country.

JimG
 
The vocation of being Single is one of the toughest lives to lead (tell that to a priest).
In some way we become ‘priests’ too in that our lives have more free time to devote to others. If everyone were married, who would: take care of the poor, the widowed, sick or simple to comfort those who are having a rough time in their daily lives?
I hope and pray that being on these Forums is my way to contribute to helping others through personal comments and reflections!

Besides, if God wanted me to be married, He’d put me in that position!

Go with God!
Ediwin
 
I am so grateful that I’m not the only one who is wondering where the “chastity resources” for ADULT singles are. All the words about the single vocation sound good, but I believe it is truly one of the hardest to live. Where do we fit in? While I accept the Church’s teachings, I struggle; asking an adult male to never have any kind of sexual relations does not seem normal. I don’t say that because our culture is so “sexually saturated”, but it seems that the natural order of things is marriage and family. This is not a singles’ world. Am I the only one who feels out of place when in the company of couples? I just feel that something is missing.
 
Oddly enough, I saw a great program on TV last night advocating Chastity!

I was watching EWTN and got to see an 1956 “Life is Worth Living” episode with Bishop Fulton Sheen talking about the Youth and emphasizing the need of chastity in today’s society. It was great!

My thought at the end is we should have this on the major networks today. The message is urgently needed.
 
Addition to thread #12.
What makes my situation even more difficult is that I (by the Grace of God) broke away from the ‘alternative lifestyle’.
I won’t go into details because it could cause threads to close, but just to say that Chasity is a Vocation as well.

Question: I just wonder when it DOES come to Catholilc Singles, why is age discriminated against?
I know of some groups that put a limit on how old you have to be. I’m 43!

Go with God!
Edwin

P.S. Let’s get this Tread back up and running, it’s an important yet ignored issue.
 
We are called to live chastity according to our state in life, which is non-contracepting, non-in-vitro-fertilizing marriage for the married, celibacy for the vowed and (most) ordained, and, for many of us who are single, a chaste journey of dating and hoping. I agree that we have to avoid the temptations of the modern world, but I think we can be relatively “normal” and give a better witness to single chastity. What do you think of websites that try to match Catholics on dates? I have Catholic friends who swear by this.
 
Good thread! Thanks for starting it!

May I suggest that there be some clarification on terms made.

Although they are related – in the sense that they each have to do with our sexual practice/non-practice – chastity is NOT the same thing as celibacy.

Chastity: pure in thought and act, modest

Everyone is called to chastity, no matter what their life vocation is:
  • single
  • married
  • religious
  • ordained
Celibacy: abstention by vow from marriage and from sexual intercourse

In addition to chastity, Religious are called to celibacy as well.

Just wanted to get that cleared up, because some folks use the word “chastity” when what they more expressly mean is what is meant by the word “celibacy.”

Hope this helps!

:tiphat:
 
Fr. Benedict Groeschel has an excellent book called “The Courage to be Chaste.” I think it was originally written for people who are called to live celibate lives indefinitely (priests, religious, those with same-sex attraction, etc.), but it’s actually very helpful for all single adults.

I agree that we need to hear much more about this issue. Our local Catholic bookshop has plenty of copies of the classic “Clean Love in Courtship,” but it, too, is aimed more at teenagers. (Besides, they need to update the language a bit. “Beware of company-keeping in a saloon or a roadhouse!” Umm, yes, Father. 😉 )

Mrs. R
 
Amen Sister! :clapping:

It’s about time we started taking up the hew and cry on this topic! God gave us 10 commandments, not 9, not 8, 10. They aren’t the 10 suggestions until you can find a way to deal with the consequences.

What we as a Church have failed to do for nearly 2 generations now, is adequately catechise our faithful to the fact that Chastity applies to ALL Christians, each according to their state in life. I firmly believe that it is our failing in communicating this to every person, young and old, that is at the root of the sex scandal we’re currently dealing with in the Church and Gay Marriages in our society. People honestly do not appreciate the sanctity of the marriage act. They do not fully appreciate that our bodies are Temples of the Holy Spirit and as such using them in ways not consistant with God’s Plan is sacreligious.

I also will not share the specifics of ways in which I have erred on this one, but suffice it to say that I have had to learn the hard way, and I continue to suffer some of the consequences of my lack of formation. But, through the Grace of God I have come to believe in the depths of my heart that this is a topic of critical importance to our world and it needs to be shouted from the roof tops if necessary.

As others here have stated, it is not from a position of Judgement of others that this message needs to be spread, but rather from Love, Concern and Compassion. Mary has spoken so eloquently, to so many, about her concern for the world. Is she not the perfect example of a woman who understood the significance of bringing life into the world and doing so for God?

I came to the forum to start a thread because I awoke inspired to write an article for a Catholic Publication (I had another, related topic in mind) and I was seeking additional (name removed by moderator)ut. On opening this Forum I saw this and the request that someone write an article. I will take a stab at it. Would anyone like me to send me an advance copy when I have it? If so, send me a private email (through my profile here) and I’ll forward it to you. I would appreciate any and all comments and welcome you to use it in it’s final form if you like it.

Thank you so much for starting this thread!! :bowdown2:

CARose
 
CARrose,

For me and I’m sure many others here, the problem is not knowing what is right and wrong, it’s the actual practice of chastity. That is why I was so happy to see this thread. Sometimes trying to live as a FAITHFUL single Catholic can seem lonely. I hope this thread provides needed support.
 
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