Concerned about Hubby

[Kanda]

Again I am asking for advice, so here is the setup

My husband is from a very Catholic family, even having a priest as a great uncle. He was an alter server as a child. He recieved baptism and first communion, but never confirmation. He does not practice now, although he is very supportive of my return to the church. He says he did the alter server thing because he figured he might as well be useful since he was forced to go.

My concern is that when my husband does go to mass (twice a year - family reunion and christmas when his great uncle gives a mass for the family), he goes up for communion. I have tried to talk to him about it. I know he has not been to confession in eons.

I don’t want to push him too hard because I am afraid I will just push him away. Does anyone have any suggestions for me on how to express how important this really is?

BTW, my MIL is the person I chose as my god-mother. Do you think it would be appropriate to bring her into this, both as my spiritual advisor, and as my husband’s mother?

Thanks!

 

[Black_Jaque]

I am closely involved in a similar situation where a person I know does the same thing.

Would love to read some advice.

I have at least pointed out the apparent hypocrisy, got accused of being “holier than thou” and all that. I may have lacked grace and tact, but I figure I’d rather face The Judge accused of being a bungling idiot than being accused of abandoning my post.

 

[catholicsingles]

Unfortunately some priests will encourage those kind of folks to go to communion regardless…the reason is often they feel the person should go and not deny themselves the Eucharist if it’s available, however they do usually insist the person goes to confession soon thereafter to get back on track…this seems to be a slippery slope and most feel its up to their own conscience at that point in time to decide…your best bet is to tell him/her that not going to miss Mass on purpose (intent) and then participating in communion is a sin…if they get that concept, then they probably will start to see that they need to go to confession and strive to make it to church each week before considering communion again. Good luck!

 

[1ke]

I would leave his mother out of it.

As for your DH and the Eucharist, perhaps you could start by asking him why he does go up and receive Communion. His answer will give you the basis on which to form your discussion on why he should refrain.

He may go up so that he is not singled out and embarrassed by staying in the pew.

He may go up because he doesn’t believe in the “Real Presence” and thinks it’s just a ritual.

He may go up because he feels pressure when he is at Mass to “act Catholic”.

Who knows what his response will be, but I think that it must be your starting point. Understanding his motivation for receiving can help shape your response to his motives.

 

[leonie]

I’m sorry Kanda. I worry about my husband, too.

I’ll pray for you and your dh.

IMO, you need to just drop it. But, maybe you could leave some literature on the Eucharist around the house–maybe the bathroom?

If he likes the computer, there is a website on Eucharistic miracles.

therealpresence.org/

 

[Rainbow77]

I can relate to your issue.

My husband seems to be Catholic in name but not in deed. He does not go to confession, but goes to communion. But he goes to Mass every Sunday. And if I named off 10 other things he did that he shouldn’t do, I could also name off 10 things that he does do right. But really the answer lies in what he believes about the Church and Church teaching. My husband doesn’t care about Church teaching, he only goes to Mass because I ask him to. He is more concerned about getting into a nagging argument with me than what God thinks about his beliefs.

I get caught up in the “holier than thou” dilemna. On the one hand I want to follow the Church’s teachings on everything, but on the other I tend to get preachy with my husband and that leads to bitterness and arguments. So I am not doing him any favors being judgmental and nagging at him. But my goal is to nudge him in the right direction. If there is punishment for judgmentalism and nagging, I’ll get them both, but my intention to sway him to go to Church for the right reasons. But he decides not to go everyweek and when he does, get communion, I cannot really do anything. It is really between him and God. I have told him everything I know, sometimes in a charitable mood, sometimes not. But he knows what the catechism says, through me. Don’t know if he believes me, since he thinks I know everything.