Controlling Lust

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Kepha15

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Do any guys out there have any advice on how to control lustful thoughts/actions? Not that it’s really a huge problem for me…I’ve had some degree of success, but was just wondering how other guys deal with it.

Specifically, this question is targeted at unmarried guys, because we seem to have the most trouble with lust and really have no form of release for sexual tension. And I know that prayer and meditiation on scripture is a good tool and all…but I’m specifically looking for techniques to keep yourself out of trouble.

Thanks.
 
Hey, Kepha,

There’s just no easy answer for this one, especially for young, unmarried men. When I was in my teens and early 20’s, I actually stopped practicing my Catholic faith because of this problem. I saw the Church’s teachings as completely unworkable in my own life.

It wasn’t until I was in my 40’s, and in a good marriage, that I felt I was getting in control of it. I’m now 55, my marriage is very rewarding, and I’m not bothered much by lust at all. While this testimony doesn’t help you much right now, if you can hang in there it will get much better with time.

I think the Church’s teaching is that sexual thoughts and desires are only sinful when we deliberately try to make them happen or deliberately try to sustain them. If the thoughts happen without our willing them, we are not judged for that. We can do our part by avoiding sensual images whenever possible, and keeping busy.

I work as a tranist bus driver, and even at my advanced age, I have trouble with taking lots of second looks at immodestly dressed girls who board the bus in the summer. This is just something us guys have to work on all the time.

Whatever happens, don’t stop practicing your faith like I did. I got into some philosophies and ideas that were very dangerous for my soul when I abandoned the Church, the Church that Christ infused with his teaching authority. Also, I missed out on a lot of fun & fellowship by leaving.

By the graces won by people who prayed for me, I came back. Back to stay!

Don’t despair in this struggle. Every other young Christian man (and some of the girls, too) has this same challenge.
Set your pace for the long walk, and be patient. The final victory belongs to Christ, in which you will share.

God bless… - Rob
 
I too have the same problem, but I talked with my confessor, and here are the things that I do following his advice and it works for me:

When a thought of lust or action comes to you, try not to fight back on your own - not your own technique - it will make it worse - but say a prayer and bring that thought to Jesus and ask Him to help you overcome the thought.

On daily basic, pray with rosary and ask Virgin Mary to help you in having a pure heart and mind. She is the Mother of God who loves Jesus dearly and she would be helping you please God.

Stop watching movies that rated R or seeing any scenes in a movies related to sexual stuff. I rent Christian movies and cartoons to watch - it is a lot better than others and it helps you grow spiritually as well.

Go to daily Mass as much as you could.

Go to confession more often - it is a great sacrament and God gives you graces to stay away from sins.

yes, it is not a quick fix, but with patience and trusting in God’s Mercy, you will find it work faster than you might imagine.
 
Kepha15 said:
Specifically, this question is targeted at unmarried guys, because we seem to have the most trouble with lust and really have no form of release for sexual tension.
Click to expand...
Keep in mind that lust is like pulling a bow, but are the archer. Therefore, the only to not have to release any sexual tension is to not touch the bow of lust.

You may not be responsible for first thoughts or looks, but your are responsible for second thoughts or looks. That would be a good start.

I recommend you wholeheartedly to join Ken Henderson’s apostolate, trueknights.org, for some on-line fellowship.

:blessyou:
 
I’m tempted to suggest that you should just grab lust by the neck and choke it to death. But absent that option…

I think that we need to remember there isn’t anything inherantly wrong with appreciating the good looks of a woman. As long as that is as far as it goes. Even a second glance may not be problematic. The difficultly, of course, is keeping it from going any further with a wandering mind and attracted eyes. From that standpoint, I can only recommend trying to, more generally, develop healthy relationships with women, learning to respect their femininity and diffusing objectivication. Remember that a body is ultimately just a body, and while a good, we have to try and see the sum of the person rather than the piecemeal parts. Plus, if at some deeper level than the initial attraction, she’s not particularly attractive, who’d want her in the long run, anyway? A good looker may be only that, good to look at but not for much else.

When all else fails, think of Big Bird and sing the Sesame Street themesong!
 
as a woman, I can honestly say that I, too, struggled with this. It’s a very hard stuggle and I will admit that prayer and confession helps alot. I have to admit that some of my older “non-practicing Catholic” time frame habits still linger.

In practicality, I’m not thinking of praying when that urge comes along. So, I’m in the process of developing the habit of getting up from where I was sitting/laying and going to do the dishes, or a load of laundry, or play with my kids, or take them on a walk, go to the store, SOMEthing to get up phycially and put myself in the eyewitness of others.

I can admit that this stuggle has been very hard the past year with my DH deployed, but I can admit that it gets better the more that I phsyically remove myself from the “temptational opportunity” (if there is such a phrase).

I will keep you in my prayers and please rest assured that it’s not just the guys that suffer this… us women do to! :o So thanks to some previous posters on their advice and some good information. 😃
 
This is the one I fight with the most and I am happily married for over 11 years. I work offshore for 28 days at a time, so I am not near my wife for that time. I am a sex addict, this is not a joke, it is sad but true. I have a very loving wife that is very understanding of my problem, thank you God.

For me I can’t stop fighting, I have to fight every day so many times a day I can’t count. And yes the harder I fight the harder the demons push, but it is worth it. When I fight this hard it is like a good workout, I feel great after the workout. But DON’T ever stop fighting. Don’t give in, you must fight as if your life depends on it, because it dose.

Remove ALL temptation from you life right now, don’t wait, clear your computer, you books, your movies, and anything that will invite you to lust. You must do this before you start to fight.

I have had a priest in confession remind me that all women have earthly fathers and more importantly God is there father. You said you were not married so I will assume you don’t have any children, so just imagine how you would feel knowing someone was looking at your little girl (that you don’t have yet) in that way.

Confession is a must

Communion as often as you can another must

The rosery, I can’t stress this last point enough, everyday first thing in the morning, start your day pure in your heart and mind.

Ask Mary and St. Joseph for help, think of what they did and ask for their intercession for purity in you life. - big help

You will fail, you will get beat, I do from time to time, but I pick my self up, wipe the blood off and I vow to be pure in heart and mind. It is a very real sturggle that most people just don’t think about but it is very real.

I fail less and less as time goes on, I just can’t stop fighting.

I didn’t want to ramble, I hope this helps
God Bless
Your friend in Christ, Jim
 
All the answers to this post are great! I would like to add what my confessor told me to do that has helped and that is fasting-it has helped a lot. Most important as everyone said above is Mass frequently, Eucharist Adoration, Rosary, and praying. God Bless you and I will certainly be praying for you.
 
Someone said on this board one day I was reading that your body is the temple for the Holy Spirit, every time I ever think about anything lustful I remember that quote and I don’t have too much trouble not wanting to disturb the Holy Spirit within.

Andrew
 
I do a lot of work on college campuses around our area, and subsequently see a lot of very attractive young ladies…

Yes, I’ll acknowledge the fact that they are pretty, and I find them attractive… I’m a man, pretty women are supposed to “do” something to me… BUT - they are only 5 years older than my own daughter, or some of my buddy’s daughters, and I wouldn’t want any horned-up testosterone driven skuzzz undressing them with their eyes… so leave it at - “Hey, that is a nice looking gal”, not “Holy Cow, there’s a playground missing a swingset!”

Think of gals/women as your sister or mother, and how you would want them looked/thought upon. That should cool your jets about lust.
 
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