Deacons and their Wives

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Deacon2006

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In my formation deacons and their wives have shocked me continually. One wife sits at the back of the church during the mass knitting and tells people a little voice has told her not to convert. Another deacons wife strolled into the sanctuary when a priest was vesting and pronounced that there are too many men here and she will have to change that. The best was when I saw two deacons’ wives adjusting each other auras?? through some astral non-touch massage??? :hmmm:

Most supervising deacons and their wives involved in my formation consider themselves to be deacon couples as if the wife was in some way ordained themselves. The wives take great pains to tell jokes and post cartoons in newsletters that display men in a bumbling light and consider it their responsibility to keep their husbands humble.

We are told that at ordination in many dioceses they have a joint service for the wives investing the husband and wife as a deacon team. They are working on our bishop to bring about the same thing here. I have even heard one wife say she is an equal partner in ministry with her husband as she always goes with him on his diaconal duties. She is bitter that she is denied ordination.

The lack of clarity being exercised on the roles between the clerical husband and laity wife, and in some cases the corrupted spiritual development of these couples have profound implications on the fidelity of a parish. It seems to me that a major problem being faced by the clergy today is this retread counter cultural element in the deaconate. It is shocking to hear what these deacons and wives think of the church. The vast majority of deacon couples I have met at the seminary routinely advocate liturgical abuse denounced by Rome in Redemptionis Sacramentum. More then once these socks with sandals activists have publicly announced to my formation class that Pope John Paul is actively working against the Holy Spirit and Vatican II.

It breaks my heart to hear that deacons have the highest rate of divorce among any catholic demographic, however I’m not surprised from what I have seen. Radical faithfulness and humility to the teachings of the church is what is missing here and not some ultra feminist agenda through the guise of the deaconate. Ordaining dissenters and allowing their wives to believe they have a role that just doesn’t exist clearly would cause tremendous stress on a marriage. Personally I have come to the conclusion that any formation program that doesn’t also perform psychological testing and suitability interviews on the wife independent of the husband is reckless in its selection of candidates.

The good news is things are changing in my diocese. Through our conversations with some orthodox priests at the seminary we are optimistic that it is just a matter of time before the orthodox deacons fill the diocese positions and formation committee roles just as the young priests, nuns and laity are doing all through the church.

St. Stephen pray for deacons and their wives who bear the cross of dissent, by quiet association, in their community and pray also that many more faithful servants of the Church make it through formation. But most of all pray for those deacons and their wives who for whatever reason reject the teachings of the church guide them so they may truly find peace in the love of faithful service and not in the disordered agendas of the world.

God Bless

What my wife and I have found out on our journey is that it really is much harder to be a dissenter then to be faithful but it is even harder still to become faithful once you are a dissenter.
 
I am so sorry to hear that your experience is so tough. There were similar incidents in my husband’s formation. One wife even wanted to go and raise her arms in prayer behind her husband while the cardinal was laying hands on him at ordination. Another man was hesitated in naming someone to vest him at ordination, because he was going to have his wife do it. His theory - “Never ask for permission: ask for forgiveness.” That got back to the formation team, and nipped in the bud. I think in every formation class, there is probably one orthodox man/couple. We were ours. I was the only wife who believed that it was my role is supportive.

Keep your eyes on the higher prize. His vocation has strengthened our marriage. It’s very hard, especially this first year, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Feel free to pm me if there’s anything you would like to ask privately.

God bless. Stay strong.
 
Deacon2006, what you say is indeed disturbing. The more so since I (along with my supportive wife) will be starting the Deaconate formation program this fall. In talking with others who are in their second and third years of the formation program, the only negative comment I have heard is that there tends to be a liberal slant amongst some of those involved in teaching during the formation process.

In our diocese, both the husband and wife do undergo seperate psychological testing. Based upon the questioning which we underwent before the Deaconate Commission, my impression was that the commission, at least, seemed fairly orthodox in their views of the faith.

I pray that we will have a wonderful and authentic faith formation experience during these next three years. And above all, the charity to forgive any of those who depart from what the Church truly believes and teaches.
 
I appreciate the previous two posts. In my heart I always known that what I was witnessing was just a generational thing and probably not just limited to my diocese.

I am also very pleased to hear that some formation programs actual do examine the pychological prespectives of the wives as well. I suspect if this type of review had taken place in my diocese that most of these issues would have been identified at the outset.

Hmhanel>> One last thing don’t take my concerns with the dynamic of my program as as a conclusion that formation is not without overwhelming rewards. You will meet some really exciting and special people in the progarm. You will grow in love for God, Church and your fellow man. These consolations of the program far out weightt the distractions I have previuosly mentioned.

They say no one seems to be more against smoking then a former smoker. I guess the same could be said for me. I was once a pretty liberal, so much so you probably could even say I wasn’t really even catholic. I bought into all the corrupted slogans of the 1970’s. I was making up my own rules as I went along. My wife’s conversion experience at the hands of a very faithful deacon broke me free from my own chains of dissent. Now I am in formation and I can never go back to the way it once was.

This deacon and my wife were the loving instruments chosen by God to open my eyes to Him and the plan he has for my family.

God Bless
 
If this is the norm for Deacons and their wives, what would happen if Priests were allowed to have wives? I guess this is what happens when we leave the path.
 
Thank you for those encouraging words, Deacon2006.

We are looking forward to the formation process. Every couple that I have spoken with who are in the midst of the formation process have told me that it has greatly enhanced their spiritual and marital lives. The formation classes take place in a Benedectine Monastery with NO PHONES, except for emergencies. 👍

God Be With You
 
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Deacon2006:
IHmhanel>> One last thing don’t take my concerns with the dynamic of my program as as a conclusion that formation is not without overwhelming rewards. You will meet some really exciting and special people in the progarm. You will grow in love for God, Church and your fellow man. These consolations of the program far out weightt the distractions I have previuosly mentioned.

God Bless
From a wife’s perspective, Deacon2006 is right. The rewards are mighty. This perspective has also affirmed my position that priests should not be married. The priest already has a family - of hundreds! They come first.

We also had to undergo psychological testing and scrutinies by the Bishop and the formation team. In our diocese, the program will not accept married men who have marriages of under ten years. This is a wise move on their part.

God bless, and good luck!
 
I guess my class was dull. We had very ordinary Catholic people. Everyone conducted themselves with a due reverence for the vocation that we were studying for.

The ground rules were…first comes your vocation as husband and father…then your paying job…then the diaconate. The wives were happy to hear this. Many wives have continued ministering with their husbands, and some do not. There was no pressure to get 2 for 1.

I guess each diocese is like a different world!
 
That this problem exists is not surprising, considering the continued attempt by some to obscure the distinction between the ordained and the laity.

One question for all of you. What do you think of the following situation?

When I was at the Chrism Mass in LA a year ago, the deacons and their wives were in the processional together. Then the deacons sat with their wives. The deacons were vested as ministers of the Mass.

I think that this obscures the distinction between the ordained deacons and their lay wives. Their wives also stood through the entire Eucharistic prayer.
 
To answer your question- at our last Chrism mass the priests all sat together and the deacons all sat together.( Not with their wives.) During mass,the priests renewed their dedication to their vocation and the deacons then did the same. Last year the deacon’s wives sat in the rows directly behind their husbands. I have not seen it done as you mentioned.

Our bishop, however, always expresses his sincere appreciation to the deacons’ wives. He feels that he would not have such dedicated men without these supportive wives.
 
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