Difficult COHABITATION Situation

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I am trying to work through a sticky cohabitation situation and am opting for some advice. I left the Faith a little over a year ago. I then met someone, who I have been living with for just under a year. I am now looking to re-enter into full communion with the Church and am trying to do it somewhat together. Only, the other person is not Catholic and does not really know anything about the Faith. The person states that it will be very hard for them to not have sex having had sex with me for a year now. How does a returning Catholc help their non-Catholic partner live a chaste life until marriage? What can one say to strengthen and support them outside of praying for them? HELP!!!
 
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slf:
How does a returning Catholc help their non-Catholic partner live a chaste life until marriage?
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Move out, if at all possible.
How does a returning Catholc help their non-Catholic partner live a chaste life until marriage?
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Sex takes two people- say “no”. Other than that, pray. If they love you, they will be willing to make this sacrifice. Pray for their conversion- but guard your own soul, ending the relationship if need be.
 
You know, this is really a difficult situation-you find yourself being called to the Faith, but your past can not come with you. When Jesus met the woman at the well he knew she had 5 other relationships and never married any of them. Also, when the woman was to be stoned over her adultrous action, Jesus saved her. He told both women to go, and sin no more. You are sinning if you fit into these lifestyles and should not take Communion. Living the Faith is not easy, but you will find much more joy than any sinful life can ever provide, no matter how much you try to convience yourself elsewise. You can change, Jesus can pull you out of the muck and mire, steady your feet on solid ground, and put a new song in your heart. Just pray, pray, go to Mass, sit infront of Jesus in the Eucharist. My prayers are with you-you can make a difference in the world!!! :yup: :getholy:
 
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slf:
I ard for them to not have sex having had sex with me for a year now. How does a returning Catholc help their non-Catholic partner live a chaste life until marriage? What can one say to strengthen and support them outside of praying for them? HELP!!!
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you break it up now and move out. this living situation is a constant temptation to mortal sin, and moreover you are placing the other person’s immortal soul in peril as well. the movement of your heart that is leading you home to full participation in the Christian life is called the process of continuing conversion. This means you must leave behind everything in your life that separates you from Christ.

then you make it your first order of business to educate yourself on Catholic teaching on marriage and sexual morality. A great place to start is Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christopher West. He summarizes the beautiful teaching of our lat beloved pope, which itself is a synthesis of Catholic teaching. Then you also examine your life, with professional counselling if necessary, and determine why you have been content up until now to enter into relationships that deny your full human dignity and worth.
 
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slf:
I am trying to work through a sticky cohabitation situation and am opting for some advice. I left the Faith a little over a year ago. I then met someone, who I have been living with for just under a year. I am now looking to re-enter into full communion with the Church and am trying to do it somewhat together. Only, the other person is not Catholic and does not really know anything about the Faith. The person states that it will be very hard for them to not have sex having had sex with me for a year now. How does a returning Catholc help their non-Catholic partner live a chaste life until marriage? What can one say to strengthen and support them outside of praying for them? HELP!!!
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Start by moving out.

Next, set limits within your courtship-- such as no alone time in any place that can lead to horizontal behavior. Only go on public dates or spend time in the apartment/house with friends there.

Then, read some books together on the faith and on chastity. The website www.pureloveclub.com is a good start. Pray together too.

Lastly, realize that this person may leave because of your change of heart and lifestyle. And, that is OK. It might be hard, but a person who cannot respect you and your faith, and whose primary reason for leaving is that they weren’t getting sex, is not the right person for you.
 
wouldnt it be interesting to find out if he would still want to be with you when you are not giving him sex?

this question is the key to finding out if he is someone you should marry or not. you dont have to do anything, its all up to him…what will he decide?
 
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martino:
wouldnt it be interesting to find out if he would still want to be with you when you are not giving him sex?

this question is the key to finding out if*** he*** is someone you should marry or not. you dont have to do anything, its all up to him…what will he decide?
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You may well be right, but what is it that lead you to believe the OP is female and the “other” male?
 
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CuriousInIL:
You may well be right, but what is it that lead you to believe the OP is female and the “other” male?
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Good question! 🙂

There was certainly no indication whether the OP was male or female…I am guilty of presuming sexest characterizations!!!
 
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CuriousInIL:
You may well be right, but what is it that lead you to believe the OP is female and the “other” male?
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I think the OP is female because she states that she wants to help him live a chaste life UNTIL marriage. I think if it were a 2 guys thing - marriage - as a Catholic - wouldn’t even be asked.
 
carol marie:
I think the OP is female because she states that she wants to help him live a chaste life UNTIL marriage. I think if it were a 2 guys thing - marriage - as a Catholic - wouldn’t even be asked.
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Opps. My mistake… the OP never said the roommate was a “he” so we’re left to guess who is who? The OP may or may not be a female & the roommate may or may not be male. Maybe the OP will let us know?
 
Yes that is difficult. We don’t want to hurt people we care about , yet we must teach them the true way of things.

Father Groeshel wrote a book called the Courage to be Chaste. That might help.

www.sexrespect.com

Tell the person it isn’t about them but about your relationship with God. Tell them it is about Love. You Love them enough to deny them the physical pleasure that is only supposed to occur in Marriage.

www.christopherwest.com

Learn everything you can about God’s plan for sex and marriage. Discuss non sexual ways you can show love to each other. Above all do not put yourself in temptation. You can do this.Jesus is there to help you .
 
You may or may not read the above responses and feel attacked.

If you perceive the above responses as judgemental or self-righteous I recommend you put ultimate decisions aside for a moment and spend some time contemplating the nature of God, the reasons he gave us commandments and the way that He created our sexuality.

It can be very easy to feel as though church teachings on sexuality are arbitrary restrictions on our behavior. If you feel this way, you WILL ultimately succumb to temptations. But when you pray, contemplate and learn more about God and the way he created our sexuality, you begin to see that the “restrictions” on our behavior are not restrictions at all, but necessary joyful disciplines that must be lived in order to enjoy the full fruit of God’s design for our sexuality.

An analogy: I enjoy hiking. Exploring and finding beautiful waterfalls far from the sounds, smells and sights of civilization/pollution. Generally the more spectacular and pristine the location, the harder a hike it is to get there.

I also enjoy junk food and watching TV. But the hikers commandment is “Thou shall not eat excessively or neglect thy regular excercise.” The reason for the command is that if I DO get slothful and gluttonous, my hikes become miserable experiences of huffing/puffing and sweat.

Sexuality is the same way. God’s design for healthy sexuality requires certain disciplines and moderations in order to experience it to the fullest. Church teachings don’t chain you up. They provide you with the discipline and emotional shape necessary for a healthy sexual life.
 
Is this relationship about love or sex?

If it’s about sex, move out and move on. No good will come of it. You’re wasting your time and salvation.

If it’s about love, move out and start building a pure, chaste relationship that will be the makings of a future marriage. If this person loves you, then he/she will stick with you. The sex will be sooo much better when it has been saved for marriage. It will be precious and special.
 
You are in a tough spot.

I was listening to Fr. Corapi’s tape series Immortal Combat this evening, and he said something that definiely applies here.

What is the primary good spouses should want for each other?

Salvation!

Now that you’re returning to the church, you are returning to holiness, and you want it for your roomie, too, don’t you?

Thus, refraining from fornication is more than some silly prudery - it is keeping both you and your roomie from committing a mortal sin. It is a loving decision.

You might want to buy Christopher West’s book, Good News About Love and Marriage, and read it along with your roomie. It certainly helped me understand what, and how wonderful, the Catholic view of marriage is!

You’re in my prayers. Keep me in yours. DH and I are in a similar position, living “as brother and sister,” while waiting/hoping for an annulment.
 
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