Discouraged...

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LydiaW

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For awhile now, I have been feeling discouraged in my faith. I am currently on this path to catholicism alone, and I feel very frustrated and upset sometimes. I live with my Mom currently, because my parents are divorced. My mom is non-denominational, and used to be catholic. I started on this road to catholicism about the same time I moved back in with her, after living with my Dad for a couple years. My mom feels that I am just trying to copy her by becoming catholic, and she thinks that catholicism is evil. She called it a disease once. I have been interested in catholicism since I was a little girl, especially because of my mom’s brother’s family. They are catholic, and they have always been devout, and wonderful christians. I remember reading catholic childrens books, admiring their pictures of Mary and Jesus, and just loving visiting them. I got my first rosary from one of my cousin’s wedding. She and her husband gave them out as gifts to all who came. I have cherished that rosary for years. Anyway, after that wedding, my love of the mass and all things catholic intensified, and I started asking questions and stuff. Then, when I was 13, my parents seperated. When I was 14, they divorced. I went off the deep end into paganism. I chanted chants to “the goddess” and all sorts of stuff. Anyway, after about 3 1/2 years, I got tired of it all. I missed God, and I started remembering the joy I had when I was around my catholic family members, and how much I loved it all. So, last year, I started asking around, and found a parish, and started the process of becoming catholic. Right away, I loved the classes I was taking. It was hard, very hard, to tell the class about my spiritual background. Sure, I had been non-denominational as a child, but as a teen, I had practically been a witch. I really was enjoying my classes, but during all of that, I was having problems with my family, and I still am. My siblings and my mother make rude remarks any time I mention anything catholic…They sigh, or roll their eyes, anything to disrespect my beliefs basically. I have cried so many times, begging God to forgive me of my evil, and asking for this path to the church to be easier. I have gone through my Rite of Election, 1st confession, and the 1st scrutiny so far, and many other things. I keep trying to get closer to God through all of this, but the discouragement my family is dishing out, and the fear and doubt in my heart is overwhelming. I know God has forgiven me for things I have confessed, but I feel so lost sometimes, like it’s not good enough. What am I supposed to do? I need God so badly. I need to be part of his church…and I really love the Catholic church. What can I do to feel less…well, bad?
 
I am fairly much in it alone, also. I got tired and discouraged for a while and dropped mostly for several years. After the Pope died, I watched his funeral and got so homesick that I came back, thank heaven. I have been doing a lot of thought about how to avoid this in the future, since I will always probably be a solo Catholic.

I think the main thing is to have a constant prayer life. I am deciding now between Magnificat and Christian Prayer for regular prayer with the Church. That helps me keep connected. So oes the Rosary and prayer to saints who have had similar difficult times. I have found a parish that is a bit of a drive, but has Mass quite similar to that on EWTN. Very reverent. I am in the process of makig some friends in my parish. This was almost impossible in my earlier parish life, since everybody was mostly interested in the next school fundraiser, not supporting each other in the faith.

I hope that leaning on God and his friends, the saints will help me stay the course this time. I found it even lonelier without God in his Church than I did in the Church without support. God bless, and don’t quit.
 
Greetings

Just today I came across Father Cantalamessa’s 1st Lenten Sermon (Part 1) “And Being in Agony He Prayed More Earnestly” and (Part 2) “Life Is Strewn With Many Little Nights of Gethsemane” which you can find and read at zenit.org/english/

He says **"Human life is strewn with many little nights of Gethsemane. The causes can be very numerous and different: a threat to our health, a lack of appreciation of the environment, the indifference of someone close to us, the fear of the consequences of some error committed. But there can be more profound causes: the loss of the meaning of God, the overwhelming awareness of one’s sin and unworthiness, the impression of having lost the faith. In short, what the saints have called “the dark night of the soul.”

Jesus teaches the first thing to be done in these cases: to turn to God in prayer. " **

Also:
"And if one has already prayed without success? Pray again! Pray “prolixius,” with greater earnestness. "

"God, St. Augustine observed, hears even when he does not hear, that is, when we do not get what we ask for. His delay in responding is also him listening, so that he can give to us more than we asked for.If despite everything we continue praying, it is a sign that he is giving us his grace. "

God be with you.
 
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LydiaW:
For awhile now, I have been feeling discouraged in my faith. I am currently on this path to catholicism alone, and I feel very frustrated and upset sometimes. I live with my Mom currently, because my parents are divorced. My mom is non-denominational, and used to be catholic. I started on this road to catholicism about the same time I moved back in with her, after living with my Dad for a couple years. My mom feels that I am just trying to copy her by becoming catholic, and she thinks that catholicism is evil. She called it a disease once. I have been interested in catholicism since I was a little girl, especially because of my mom’s brother’s family. They are catholic, and they have always been devout, and wonderful christians. I remember reading catholic childrens books, admiring their pictures of Mary and Jesus, and just loving visiting them. I got my first rosary from one of my cousin’s wedding. She and her husband gave them out as gifts to all who came. I have cherished that rosary for years. Anyway, after that wedding, my love of the mass and all things catholic intensified, and I started asking questions and stuff. Then, when I was 13, my parents seperated. When I was 14, they divorced. I went off the deep end into paganism. I chanted chants to “the goddess” and all sorts of stuff. Anyway, after about 3 1/2 years, I got tired of it all. I missed God, and I started remembering the joy I had when I was around my catholic family members, and how much I loved it all. So, last year, I started asking around, and found a parish, and started the process of becoming catholic. Right away, I loved the classes I was taking. It was hard, very hard, to tell the class about my spiritual background. Sure, I had been non-denominational as a child, but as a teen, I had practically been a witch. I really was enjoying my classes, but during all of that, I was having problems with my family, and I still am. My siblings and my mother make rude remarks any time I mention anything catholic…They sigh, or roll their eyes, anything to disrespect my beliefs basically. I have cried so many times, begging God to forgive me of my evil, and asking for this path to the church to be easier. I have gone through my Rite of Election, 1st confession, and the 1st scrutiny so far, and many other things. I keep trying to get closer to God through all of this, but the discouragement my family is dishing out, and the fear and doubt in my heart is overwhelming. I know God has forgiven me for things I have confessed, but I feel so lost sometimes, like it’s not good enough. What am I supposed to do? I need God so badly. I need to be part of his church…and I really love the Catholic church. What can I do to feel less…well, bad?
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Lydia, I’m posting this link to the Cursillo Movement in Kansas City. I think you would find this a wonderful way to become a part of a loving community within the Catholic Church that would help sustain you in your faith. The most basic part of Cursillo is “grouping” which brings together weekly small groups of women (men also have their groups) who together nurture the faith of each other in all the various - and often difficult - situations of our lives.

cursillo.net/
 
First off God Bless, and I think in the end we’re all “in it alone”. I’m married but my wife and I have had our hard times, she converted to Catholicism but if it wasn’t for me pushing us to go to Mass she would never go. She has zero interest in reading on her faith, and really to her it’s simply going through the motions, and I’m pretty certain it will always be that way.

The rest of my family are fallen away Catholics with no interest in religion at all. My friends are all agnostic, and I haven’t had luck in making friends in out parrish, I can honestly say that I have no one to share my faith with at all.

My father died when I was 12 so I do know what it’s like having trauma in your formidible years. I too was very lost when young, I turned to drugs, drinking, pretty much every bad behavior you can think of.

Now I’m 28, in a marriage that hangs on by a thread, a past of 1000’s of regretable actions by me, and completely alone in my walk, and you know what I wouldn’t have it any other way, because this is what God has asked of me. Good luck, stay positive, God loves you and you have your whole life ahead of you.
 
I just wanted to encourage you by saying that there is always hope. For many years I too was pretty much alone in my love of the faith, although I was fortunate enough that my dh was with me on it.

As for the rest of my family–there was indifference from one brother whose wife had once again become active in the Church, silence from my sister, and passive hostility from my other brother. None of them came to my confirmation.

Now, though, my brother with the Catholic wife is much more active and attends Mass. My sister is engaged to a Catholic man and attends Mass with him. My other brother has accepted my faith simply because I have never tried to push it on him (not that you are pushing anything on your family, but people can perceive it that way when you are excited about it and they are hostile to it, something you can hardly be held accountable for).

So, keep believing and praying and letting God make you a witness before your loved ones. You are having a greater impact than you realize. People don’t make rude comments and persecute us if they are truly happy where they are. Their consciences are being tried and they don’t like it so they are taking out their bad feelings on you. Let it slide and pray for them, and wait for God to work in their lives. Believe me, he will for he is more concerned about them than you are and just as concerned for your ultimate happiness, which may required suffering as he suffered for the sake of the salvation of your loved ones.

I will pray for you, please pray for me! 🙂
 
Oh, LydiaW, I can just hear the strength in you! It’s wonderful how you are withstanding the pressures of those who would have you give up your great love for Christ and His Church.

Do not be afraid – continue in the way that you are – but try to get a spiritual advisor (a holy priest, perhaps) with whom you can share these things. There’s other great advice here on this thread.

I traveled the road alone also, but I didn’t have quite the experience you are having. I was grown and on my own, but the attitude was similar.

You have all you need in Christ – in fact, I think you are in a wonderful place, because your strength is being increased and you are a light to those who feel led to follow on that same road.

Don’t be afraid, LydiaW. Stay strong and do the things you need to do.

It’s fine if your family’s attitude irks you; but you can continue to love them despite their behavior and thoughts. Think of them as souls who would embrace the truth as you have if only they could really see it clearly. Think of them as secretly longing for what you have, because that is what they really feel inside, regardless of what they say. Everybody, whether they profess atheism or any other view, really wants to know God. I think you agree. Keep that ever-present in your mind in all your interactions with your family and remind yourself that they meet Christ by means of YOU.

You are a model of strength, LydiaW, and I know you’re going to lead many to Christ in your lifetime. I just know it. It comes through what you write. Stay strong and please pray for all of us!
 
Peace to you Lydia: Meditate on the words of Christ – wasn’t he speaking to you?

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you and utter every kind of evil against you (falsely) because of me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward will be great in heaven. Thus they persecuted the prophets who were before you. You are the salt of the earth. But if salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned? It is no longer good for anything but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lampstand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father.
 
:crying: I started to weep when I read your post. I (a fellow convert) feel your pain. There is such strength in your voice. I wish I could hug you and tell you that it’s going to be alright. What the heck {BIG HUG}. What you should do is hang out with other faithful Catholic brothers and sisters. Does your church have a youth/young adults program?

I understand the sibling snipping and rude comments, I am the only catholic amongst my Evengelical brother (who is a non-denominational descon) and sisters (who hate anything catholic).

Do understand, you have friends and family here. We will be praying for you.:gopray2:
 
Reading all of your posts made me cry. It is so wonderful to realize that I truely have support and friends on this forum. It can be really hard for me, especially since I don’t have any friends my age in my area. Thank you everyone for praying for me. I really need prayer…sometimes the devil is so convincing in my head. Having the prayers from all of you will surely help. I in return, as best as I can, will pray for all of you, that God may bless you in your lives, and that he will bless you for helping me.

Thank you so much to everyone! God bless you!
 
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