Do we Have to Practice NFP

  • Thread starter Thread starter Agent94
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
A

Agent94

Guest
I’ve been making a lot of posts about this topic lately. I’m just trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do, what God’s will is for me and my husband. I have gained some very meaningful advice from this forum. So I thought I would pose another question.
Do we have to practice NFP at all? Can I just say the heck with it and just let God’s will be done in my marriage? Let Him decide on how many and when we have children?
Some things to consider: My husband is the breadwinner in the family. I’m a SAHM right now (I’m not sure if I’ll go out to get a job because I might want to stay home and raise our children). We do have a lot of debts to pay and he makes about $40,000 annually. We do live in a two bedroom apartment that costs $950/month and we have one vehicle that costs $567/month.
 
Of course you dont have to practice it. The default position is to NOT use nfp to avoid. NFP is a Church approved way to space or avoid. The VAST majority of Catholics in the history of the world did not use modern NFP or any real calandar method.
You do what God wills for your marriage.
My wife and I completely abandoned nfp and it has helped our marriage so much. This may or may not be the case for any martied couple.
 
The financial aspect needs a dave Ramsey approach.
What’s up with that car loan!?

Dont be afraid to explore ways you can work part time as well. Pay down debt. Then build up savings… is there potential for your husband to make more?
 
Last edited:
Hoosier-Daddy said:
The financial aspect needs a dave Ramsey approach.
What’s up with that car loan!?

Dont be afraid to explore ways you can work part time as well. Pay down debt. Then build up savings… is there potential for your husband to make more?
Click to expand...
My husband is Brazilian and doesn’t speak English, not yet anyway. He’s working on getting his green card. He doesn’t have a social yet. He works in construction off the books for a friend of his who is also of Brazilian descent. The car loan is outrageous, I agree. Long story short, I have extremely bad credit and the dealership took advantage of me and my situation. Now we’re stuck with this used vehicle.
 
Hoosier-Daddy said:
Of course you dont have to practice it. The default position is to NOT use nfp to avoid. NFP is a Church approved way to space or avoid. The VAST majority of Catholics in the history of the world did not use modern NFP or any real calandar method.
You do what God wills for your marriage.
My wife and I completely abandoned nfp and it has helped our marriage so much. This may or may not be the case for any martied couple.
Click to expand...
By completely abandoning NFP, did you just abstain for very long periods of time until you felt ready to have another child or did you just engage in the marital embrace whenever you both wanted and just accepted what came of it?
 
We did not abstain. We had relations when they naturally occured.
 
Agent94 said:
40.png
Hoosier-Daddy:
The financial aspect needs a dave Ramsey approach.
What’s up with that car loan!?

Dont be afraid to explore ways you can work part time as well. Pay down debt. Then build up savings… is there potential for your husband to make more?
Click to expand...
My husband is Brazilian and doesn’t speak English, not yet anyway. He’s working on getting his green card. He doesn’t have a social yet. He works in construction off the books for a friend of his who is also of Brazilian descent. The car loan is outrageous, I agree. Long story short, I have extremely bad credit and the dealership took advantage of me and my situation. Now we’re stuck with this used vehicle.
Click to expand...
Hmmmm. Perhaps you could move to brazile where he could work legally and communicate. It makes more sense to have the earner in a situation that would lead to success.
 
Oh, I can never do that! Move to Brazil. All my family is here. My sisters and mom have been a great help when I need it with caring for my 2 babies. I do struggle with depression. Having the extra help lifts my burden a bit which helps with the depression.
 
Hoosier-Daddy said:
The financial aspect needs a dave Ramsey approach.
What’s up with that car loan!?

Dont be afraid to explore ways you can work part time as well. Pay down debt. Then build up savings… is there potential for your husband to make more?
Click to expand...
Would working part time be worth it since my checks will mostly go to daycare costs? Especially if I get a job that pays minimum wage?
 
Well we dont want to derail from nfp and this probably deserves a thread on ts own, I will just say that your husband’s first priority should be to legalize himself ASAP and then work on furthering education (Formal or otherwise) that will help him succeed. And that probably includes learning a third language…
 
Last edited:
No. No need to work somewhere you would have to pay to have someone watch your kids. You and your husband can trade off. Many couples do this. Your part time job works around his job…

But back to that car… two months of car payments could buy an old jalopy that would get the job done. If it lasts longer than 2 months you made a better financial decision than your 500 plus car payment. Immediately stop all debt. There is no reason to pay for your bad credit by going further into debt. That car payment is an incredibly bad deal…
 
Last edited:
Agent94 said:
Oh, I can never do that! Move to Brazil. All my family is here. My sisters and mom have been a great help when I need it with caring for my 2 babies. I do struggle with depression. Having the extra help lifts my burden a bit which helps with the depression.
Click to expand...
Back to this… imagine how your husband feels. Completely separated from family, doesnt speak the language, cant legally work, and risks consequences for breaking the law up to and including separation of family!!! Brazile may be the best option for you to consider. Or not. But your reasoning seems selfish.
 
Hoosier-Daddy said:
40.png
Agent94:
Oh, I can never do that! Move to Brazil. All my family is here. My sisters and mom have been a great help when I need it with caring for my 2 babies. I do struggle with depression. Having the extra help lifts my burden a bit which helps with the depression.
Click to expand...
Back to this… imagine how your husband feels. Completely separated from family, doesnt speak the language, cant legally work, and risks consequences for breaking the law up to and including separation of family!!! Brazile may be the best option for you to consider. Or not. But your reasoning seems selfish.
Click to expand...
Women usually like to stay close to their parents, especially their own mothers. Most women like to have the help and guidance from their own experienced mothers in raising children. Besides this, my husband loves his parents but isn’t depressed or mourning their separation. His own sister has told me that the family reaches out to him most of the time and that they’ll go weeks without hearing from him. Me on the other hand, I’m calling my mother every other day.

He is going for citizenship. He has an immigration lawyer. It’s a very long process that will take a few years. He’s trying to learn the language but he’s 33 and he’s finds English to be extremely difficult.
 
Please, speak to the immigration specialists at your Diocese (if Vermont does not have such, contact the Archdiocese), because there is far more to this situation that we can help with.
 
I don’t think you’re understanding my original question. I asked if I have to practice NFP (because I’m not sure I really want to). So, do I have to practice this or can I just forget about it and just let God decide on when He wants to give us children or can we completely abstain until we’re ready for another child?
 
We are to be responsible.

Only you and your husband (with the help of your priest) know what is responsible parenthood for you.

ETA part of that responsibility is making sure you are getting help with the abuse, I know I would feel very insecure if my husband were living on the edge of the laws.
 
Last edited:
It’s not appropriate for you to generalize that way about women. Women frequently move from families. In fact in the USA it is FAR more common for women to leave their countries and families and culture to come here than the other way around. But what you are saying is that is a sacrifice you are unwilling to make. And that is your right. But the solution has moral and practical merit. We cannot and should not advise someone on the CAF boards to continue breaking a law. Hopefully you will relentlessly pursue a moral and legal remedy so you can live your vocation of marriage here.
You’ve mentioned you are a grad student married for over 2 years. If you dont intend to enter the workforce yourself, I’d stop paying for that immediately.

Also, a really simple solution is one my wife and I arrived at some 13 years ago. I’m a stay at home dad. Perhaps this would he a great idea for you and you could legally work and provide money while your husband is a father at home.

But back to the NFP question. No, the Church would never presume to tell a couple they must avoid. Children are encouraged in famine, poverty, war, political unrest etc.

Where were you and your husband married? And was this discussed in marriage prep? I’d think any marriage prep at all would discuss living arrangements.
 
Last edited:
I don’t remember this in marriage prep.

Have you ever tried working a full time job and be 8 months pregnant? On top of being sick and fatigued all the time? Feeling like your hormones are out of control? I don’t think men can understand what it’s like being pregnant and working full time. Then there’s the breastfeeding. Getting up every 2 or 3 hours during the night. I haven’t had to breastfeed and work full time, thankfully, but I’m sure there are women who do and it must be very difficult.
 
He’s not living on the edge of the law. He has a lawyer and the government knows he’s here. He’s not hiding.
 
That is good! I will pray that soon he can get an above board job to add to your family’s security.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top