I come from an extremely dysfunctional family of origin and so did my ex. The dysfunction significantly spilled over into the marriage and really negatively impacted my well-being.
I had the opportunity to have counseling with Dr. Popcak. (He wasn’t “Dr.” yet back then.)
He has a solid understanding of Catholic Theology, and strives to live within the boundaries of it.
My marriage suffered infidelity and my then husband blatantly refused to acknowledge his role in his affair. There were other things in the marriage that my then husband blamed me for and I would constantly try harder to please him and make things right.
I was self-pay with Dr. Popcak, who offered to counsel my husband and I together for some sessions. Like your husband, my husband also refused any counseling. I did several sessions and eventually ran out of funds. I would have liked to continue. However, the work that Dr. Popcak did with me set me on a path to have better boundaries with my family and others.
Sadly, my husband continued on his unhealthy path and no matter what I did to improve, nothing in our relationship changed in my husband’s perspective of me. From his point of view, I was in the marriage, so therefore what he thought was my fault he blamed me for. (Even if someone else did or said something, if he thought I did, he considered it done by me, period.)
I learned from Dr. Greg that while I can change myself and make me a better person, I can’t change someone else. Dr. Greg had basically told me that what I was getting from my husband, I was going to get, because I was being minimized, blame-shifted and gas-lighted. Dr. Popcak was very concerned for me and expressed that concern. But he did recognize and respect that I was also on my own path and was going to do what I felt was best for me and my family (ie stay in the unhealthy marriage).
Nine years later, I had enough and separated and divorced. But I can say that without Dr. Popcak’s earlier wisdom, I wouldn’t have developed the healthier boundaries that I have today.
