Falling in love with a girl..but she is falling in love with someone else

[alitaptap]

She thanked me for the friendship and she said she will always treasure it. But she decided to break all contacts altogether…She requested me not to send her text messages or send her an email. She frankly told me that she is falling for someone, but it’s not me.

It hurts, but I should respect and understand her decision. She has been part of my circle of friends since grade school. Do we need to cut off all our contacts?

 

[Sillara]

Yes.

Continued contact will not help either of you.

 

[alitaptap]

I need to acknowledge and accept the reality, but I am deeply hurt. I haven’t responsed to her message. I don’t know what to say to her.

I am very sad…

 

[ATeutonicKnight]

I think cutting off all contact with her is a bit drastic. She may be falling for someone, but he may not be the one. She may decide you were the right one all along. And even if she doesn’t and she marries this guy, she is still a friend. This is the normal thing to do, anyway. She seems to have decided to be done with you, in which case you don’t want to be anywhere around her. Her behavior is unacceptable and you shouldn’t take it.

 

[alitaptap]

I want to stay friends with her. She will always be my best friend in my heart.

Can it still be considered a friendhip? No contacts at all…

 

[Courtney_R]

You’re stronger than I was. I had that happen a very long time ago, and I was so hurt and bitter that I wanted nothing more to do with him anyway from the moment he told me. I never looked back, and neither should you. Are you sure your desire to keep in touch isn’t just a longing for another chance?

 

[Khalid]

Yes, echoing Sillara.

 

[Rainaldo]

She thanked me for the friendship and she said she will always treasure it.

That’s final language. It’s over. Move on.

But she decided to break all contacts altogether…She requested me not to send her text messages or send her an email. She frankly told me that she is falling for someone, but it’s not me.

That’s final behavior. It’s over. Move on.

It hurts, but I should respect and understand her decision. She has been part of my circle of friends since grade school. Do we need to cut off all our contacts?

Good question, lemme think about that…not

 

[Rainaldo]

I need to acknowledge and accept the reality, but I am deeply hurt. I haven’t responsed to her message. I don’t know what to say to her.

I am very sad…

Don’t matter if you’re hurt. Move on. It’s over. Don’t respond. Say nothing to her.

 

[Rainaldo]

I want to stay friends with her. She will always be my best friend in my heart.

Can it still be considered a friendhip? No contacts at all…

No, it’s a youthful relationship that has come to an end. She’s into someone else. “Friends” is just a euphemism for holding a tragically optimistic torch for her, which, if you are smart, you will not do. Move on, it’s over.

 

[alitaptap]

You’re stronger than I was. I had that happen a very long time ago, and I was so hurt and bitter that I wanted nothing more to do with him anyway from the moment he told me. I never looked back, and neither should you. Are you sure your desire to keep in touch isn’t just a longing for another chance?

Not another chance. We have been friends since grade school. Hope you understand what I mean.

I am whole with my life. Should she love me back, great! I am not going to consider my life incomplete if she don’t. But I admit I am really hurt. She is a dear friend to me…I don’t want to loose our friendship.

 

[phani]

Not another chance. We have been friends since grade school. Hope you understand what I mean.

I am whole with my life. Should she love me back, great! I am not going to consider my life incomplete if she don’t. But I admit I am really hurt. She is a dear friend to me…I don’t want to loose our friendship.

sometimes it good to stay quiet and not worry about that anymore.
i was in your shoes a few years ago, i didnt like the rejection. but with time things heal.
i met a nice girl a few years later and we are happily married. and i never think about the past anymore. i have moved on and good things have happened to me.

 

[504Katrin]

Not another chance. We have been friends since grade school. Hope you understand what I mean.

I am whole with my life. Should she love me back, great! I am not going to consider my life incomplete if she don’t. But I admit I am really hurt. She is a dear friend to me…I don’t want to loose our friendship.

You won’t lose the friendship if you’re willing to take a step back now. But this you must do,. Cease all contact to her, and let it all be for a while. Avoid seeing her either. You were friends, but now there’s romance involved, and this she doesn’t want. If her freindship is really what you care about, you let her find someone else and move on. Ususally, after some time has passed, you both will be able to talk to each other again as friends. Given that you’re over it and she feels it. It would be best if both of you met accidently somewhere, and you could say “Heyyyy (insert name) good to see you! How has life been treating you?!” If this comes naturally, and without any underlying attempt to have a romantic relationsip with her, all will be good and you both will start talking again. I speak from my own experience, and from that of many friends

I understand you’re hurt now, and you can keep the friendship, but the only way to keep it is if you let it go now - for a while

 

[theyoungmonk]

Maybe best to leave it too cool off for now and maybe in a few months it may be apropriate to try and rebuild the “platonic” friendship. If you leave it awhile you should both get other any romance where if you tried now it could quite easily not work out as you would hope. So leave it and see how things stand sometime next year.

 

[blueshells]

You won’t lose the friendship if you’re willing to take a step back now. But this you must do,. Cease all contact to her, and let it all be for a while. Avoid seeing her either. You were friends, but now there’s romance involved, and this she doesn’t want. If her freindship is really what you care about, you let her find someone else and move on. Ususally, after some time has passed, you both will be able to talk to each other again as friends. Given that you’re over it and she feels it. It would be best if both of you met accidently somewhere, and you could say “Heyyyy (insert name) good to see you! How has life been treating you?!” If this comes naturally, and without any underlying attempt to have a romantic relationsip with her, all will be good and you both will start talking again. I speak from my own experience, and from that of many friends

I understand you’re hurt now, and you can keep the friendship, but the only way to keep it is if you let it go now - for a while

This. Once romantic feelings have developed in a friendship, and they are unrequited or the romance otherwise doesn’t work out, at a certain point it is very difficult to maintain that friendship. Having been in her position, I cared about the man who had feelings for me very deeply, but I didn’t want to lead him on or give him false hope by accidentally giving him mixed signals or letting him misinterpret friendly overtures, so I limited contact with him until I knew he was over it. Having been in yours, it was very difficult for me to be genuinely happy and supportive about my friend’s new relationship, knowing that he didn’t pick me and hoping in a secret dark piece of my heart that it wouldn’t work out. I walked away from that one for a while too, until I got over it.

It hurts a lot to be rejected like that, but know that if your friendship or even a future relationship is meant to be, it will happen. Just take some space for a while.

 

[austenbosten]

I agree with the other guys about just moving on without a response. She doesn’t want you to contact anymore and you think she deserves a response? No she does not.

So yes cut off all contacts and move on without any contacting (don’t even bother sending a reply saying “Ah I hope it all works out” it just doesn’t do any good for you or her)

If she does decide you’re the one, let her contact you. She dumped you for another guy, if she wants you back she’s gonna have to reach you not you her. So it sounds cold but take it from experience, just ending it and moving on by not looking back is the best thing one can do.

 

[Kenny_Kamel]

Some of my first posts at CAF were due to a similar situation that I was in. The young lady who inspired my conversion is someone who I still love to this day but at a certain time had to cease contact with and I have not spoken with her for nearly two years now.

Thread link: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=521988

It is hard and it can and will hurt for a while, you and I both still want to be friends with these ladies but believe me when I say that they need all the space and time we can give them. If they want to come back to us well that is their choice and anything we do to influence that may serve to drive them away further.

There was a young lady that I was interested in about a year ago that decided to go with another guy and they had a good relationship for about six months. Now they’re out of their relationship and she seems to be more interested in me. In some instances people just need time to realize what is better for them, like I said we’d do well to give those we care about our time and most certainly our prayers in the meantime.

 

[Moore11]

She thanked me for the friendship and she said she will always treasure it. But she decided to break all contacts altogether…She requested me not to send her text messages or send her an email. She frankly told me that she is falling for someone, but it’s not me.

It hurts, but I should respect and understand her decision. She has been part of my circle of friends since grade school. Do we need to cut off all our contacts?

In the United States if you do not respect her decision to not contact her you would be given a restraining order, after that, jail. So, I think it goes without saying that you should respect her decision. You don’t have to understand it or like it but you MUST respect it.
To do otherwise is a sign of a big problem.

 

[EasterJoy]

In the United States if you do not respect her decision to not contact her you would be given a restraining order, after that, jail. So, I think it goes without saying that you should respect her decision. You don’t have to understand it or like it but you MUST respect it.
To do otherwise is a sign of a big problem.

“Would” is a bit strong. Generally speaking, if you break it off with a friend you’ve known since gradeschool, you generally don’t head to court if he dares to send you so much as an email after that. If that were the case, the number of people behind bars on drug charges would be far outnumbered by those who were in for “coping badly with being unceremoniously ditched”.

OP, I hope she had the good grace to at least break up in person. Having said that, refrain from sending even the one hurt and nasty email or text in return that she so richly deserves. (Years count for something…unless you have been doing something akin to stalking her, you don’t deserve what you got.)

Don’t be afraid to run into her, though. Don’t be afraid to go to parties when you know she’ll be there. You have the same right to breathe all the same air and share all the same friends that she does. If that is inconvenient to her, well, too bad.

 

[Moore11]

“Would” is a bit strong. Generally speaking, if you break it off with a friend you’ve known since gradeschool, you generally don’t head to court if he dares to send you so much as an email after that. If that were the case, the number of people behind bars on drug charges would be far outnumbered by those who were in for “coping badly with being unceremoniously ditched”.

OP, I hope she had the good grace to at least break up in person. Having said that, refrain from sending even the one hurt and nasty email or text in return that she so richly deserves. (Years count for something…unless you have been doing something akin to stalking her, you don’t deserve what you got.)

Don’t be afraid to run into her, though. Don’t be afraid to go to parties when you know she’ll be there. You have the same right to breathe all the same air and share all the same friends that she does. If that is inconvenient to her, well, too bad.

It depends. The OP specifically said she requested no contact. Restraining orders are given often for this sort of thing. In fact the mere fact that he is questioning weather to respect her request publicly is a red flag. I think it is possible that what we have here is a case of misunderstanding what “in love” means. Remember we are getting the side of the story from one person. I look at this and dont necessarily wonder why she is so cold but I wonder what happened to make her cut off all contact with someone whom the OP says she has been very close to since gradeschool. That seems drastic and I would have to consider that something happened to make her take such a stance.

Either way, a restraining order is mild compared to what would happen if my daughter told me she requested someone leave her alone and he didn’t.

What ever happened to gentlemen acting like gentlemen?

It could be that she over reacted and our OPs unrequited love should be followed with all the passion of an English romance novel BUT, I think in this day and age and especially on public forums we should be encouraging the safest, healthiest response.