First post, last chance? (sorry its a long one)

[i_like_clouds]

38 year old UK guy seeks help…
Firstly I am not Catholic, or even Christian. I am very confused about whether God is real or not. I have read some philosophical arguments for and against the existence of a God, but they cannot, of course, prove anything one way or another.
The idea of Hell worries me a bit. Why would a loving God allow anyone to go to Hell? If God created everything then did He create Hell? Why can’t He destroy it?
I do not believe in Creationism. I don’t believe the claims made by so-called ‘healers’. Neither do I believe that we are in the ‘end times’. I think some people are just exploiting fears and getting very rich from it (I am very cynical as well).
I have some mental health issues. Sometimes I do ‘bad’ things (swearing, anger etc). I have some horrible thoughts about myself and humanity. I think a lot of people are full of hatred and have a huge blood-lust (maybe it’s always been that way). Sometimes I think I am truly evil, other times I think I’m an OK person. Sometimes I regret being born, or even waking up in the morning.
I am very distrusting of people and tend to keep myself to myself. I don’t think I could ever go to a church. I don’t have a job because of my mental health problems. I don’t have friends.
Sounds depressing doesn’t it.
I try hard to ignore religion because I find it so confusing. There are so many faiths with so many subdivisions, all preaching different things. How can I be expected to know the truth, if there is ‘a truth’?
But religion keeps popping back into my thoughts. Sometimes I can ignore it for months at a time, but it always comes back. Why can’t I shut it out forever?
I read the New Testament a couple of years ago. I found it interesting rather than enlightening. The bit about drinking poison (end of Mark I think) made me come to the conclusion that the Bible is a load of rubbish. But I suppose I shouldn’t take things literally, in which case how do I know that the whole crucifixion and resurrection things wasn’t to be taken literally. Is it all down to interpretation?
I used to watch EWTN. I liked a lot of the programmes. It made a nice change from the usual violence, nudity, bad language that saturates our screens (I’m not a prude, but too much gets boring).
I even prayed for a while, but nothing seemed to change (I only really prayed for Gods guidance in seeking Him out). I read ‘The Purpose Driven Life’ but it didn’t move me (it reminded me of ‘How To Win Friends and Influence People). I also read CS Lewis’ ‘Mere Christianity’ and that did make a bit of sense (I should probably read it again).
Eventually I drifted away from all that stuff. But like I said before, it wont go away.
Some of you have such strong faith, it makes me jealous and a bit angry. Maybe God knows me too well and doesn’t like me, so he keeps me away from Him. I wouldn’t blame Him for that.
What am I to make of all this. I’m sorry if this is a bit rambling. It’s a bit like a thought dump.
I don’t know why I’m posting here. The Catholic Church has a bit of an aura about it. In a way I find it somewhat comforting.
Even though I’m not sure what, if anything, I’m asking for, I’d be grateful for some feedback good or bad.

Matt
Why do I feel nervous posting this on April 1st?

 

[K-McD]

Matt,

Thanks for your post. Yes, I think you came to the right place. There are many here who can answer your questions. We all aren’t perfect, just love the Lord and wish to serve Him.

You have many questions to answer right now. I think maybe each one of us may take a particular topic and try to answer.

I’ll try a couple of points. You said,

But religion keeps popping back into my thoughts. Sometimes I can ignore it for months at a time, but it always comes back. Why can’t I shut it out forever?

Then you ended with,

Maybe God knows me too well and doesn’t like me, so he keeps me away from Him. I wouldn’t blame Him for that.

That thought or desire is God calling you. The mere fact that you can’t put religion or God out of your mind, to me is God gently calling you to Himself. He wants you to know Him, just like He knows you. As many of the saints have said, there is a void in yourself that only God can fill. And you won’t be satisfied until you have rested in Him.

The idea of Hell is more love than hate. It is a place that those who can’t accept God’s love and forgiveness go to get away from Him. It is the soul that sends themselves to hell because they can’t stand being in the presence of Pure Love. Think of it as light and darkness. Darkness can’t stand in the presence of light. Likewise, when light is removed then and only then can darkness exist. Since God doesn’t create mistakes He won’t destroy the Soul He created. Just gives them the choice to chose Him or not.

Hope this helps.

Kevin

 

[Little_Mary]

Matt,

I just wanted to reply and let you know that I hope you decide to try and stay close to God. Pray to Him and maybe visit a local church where they have adoration - sit a while in His presence. He wants you near him - don’t ever think He doesn’t.

Consider going to confession or make an appointment with a priest to discuss what you are struggling with theologically. He will not condemn you nor try and persuade you to convert or anything like that. But you will find some comfort and direction.

I think you were brave to let us all into your thoughts like that. If you stick around here a while, you will see that we are not a bad bunch and you might even make some friends here. I know I have.

God bless you and reach out to Him!
LM

 

[Little_Mary]

K-McD:

Matt,

The idea of Hell is more love than hate. It is a place that those who can’t accept God’s love and forgiveness go to get away from Him. It is the soul that sends themselves to hell because they can’t stand being in the presence of Pure Love. Think of it as light and darkness. Darkness can’t stand in the presence of light. Likewise, when light is removed then and only then can darkness exist. Since God doesn’t create mistakes He won’t destroy the Soul He created. Just gives them the choice to chose Him or not.

Hope this helps.

Kevin

Ah yes, hell. Hell is a place for people who consciously reject God. Kevin said it’s for those who “can’t” accept God’s love…" I prefer to think of it as those that “won’t” accept it. There might be many reasons why someone "can’t " accept it. But anyway, same idea.

Hell was once described to me as more of a state of mind than a place - once you are in the presence of God you are whole and happy and home. There is no place else you’d rather be. We can’t even imagine it here on earth but once we get there it’s more than anything we’ve tried to imagine.

So, hell would be having seen the face of God and feeling all those wonderful things, and then knowing you have been separated from Him and you’ll never have it or feel it or see it again. That’s why satan and all his demons are so miserable!

 

[RyanL]

Welcome, and please stay as long as you like!

Now…you’ve asked a number of questions here. Typically, you’ll get the best responses with a more focused post. Things being as they are, however, I’ll take a stab at things…

i_like_clouds:

Firstly I am not Catholic, or even Christian.

That’s easy enough to remedy, you just have to want it.

I am very confused about whether God is real or not. I have read some philosophical arguments for and against the existence of a God, but they cannot, of course, prove anything one way or another.

Well, I disagree. I think God can be proved through reason alone. In fact, I would assert that there are over 20 different logical proofs for the existence of a God. You might do a search for the “First Cause” proof, the ontological proof, the teleological, the argument from design, the argument from desire, etc. Theology is just like a laboratory, and you can get things right and you can get things wrong, and it is as demonstrable as gravity - you just have to think logically. You might try www.peterkreeft.com. He logically addresses philosophy and theology.

None of these proofs, however, will get you to the God of the Bible - they will only get you to the existence of a God. After that, it’s still logic and rational thought, but it is applied more to historical analysis.

The idea of Hell worries me a bit. Why would a loving God allow anyone to go to Hell?

Think of it more like this - in eternity, you get what you desire most. If it’s God, that’s what you get. If you desire you, that’s what you get. In eternity, you’ll get the perfect fulfillment of what you desire most. For those who place themselves first, above all others (including God), they will get exactly and only that for eternity.

God doesn’t force anyone to do anything against their will - that would be spiritual rape. God permits us our free choice, and then respects our decision. Forever.

I do not believe in Creationism.

Neither do I.

I don’t believe the claims made by so-called ‘healers’.

Some are definitely fakes. Others…I can’t say for certain.

Neither do I believe that we are in the ‘end times’.

I agree, but again, I can’t say for certain.

I think some people are just exploiting fears and getting very rich from it (I am very cynical as well).

Yup.

Sometimes I do ‘bad’ things (swearing, anger etc).

We all do (it’s called sinning) - but here’s the good news - we are called to more, and by the grace of God we can be better than that.

I try hard to ignore religion because I find it so confusing.

Start small. Pick one, and examine it. I recommend starting with Catholicism.

There are so many faiths with so many subdivisions, all preaching different things. How can I be expected to know the truth, if there is ‘a truth’?

God said that anyone who sought Him would find Him. If you come to believe in God, then I urge you to believe in His promise.

Why can’t I shut it out forever?

Because that’s not in our nature. You might as well try to shut out hunger. Seeking God is part of what it means to be human, just like being human also means to hunger.

how do I know that the whole crucifixion and resurrection things wasn’t to be taken literally. Is it all down to interpretation?

The Bible isn’t the only writing about Jesus we have from the first two centuries AD. We have more, including secular historians, and they all point to the crucifixion and resurrection being real, factual history.

I used to watch EWTN.

I recommend you turn it back on.

I even prayed for a while, but nothing seemed to change (I only really prayed for Gods guidance in seeking Him out).

Be patient - God works on His time, not ours. He also gives the signs He chooses, not the ones we demand.

I also read CS Lewis’ ‘Mere Christianity’ and that did make a bit of sense (I should probably read it again).

I would agree - I think you should.

Maybe God knows me too well and doesn’t like me, so he keeps me away from Him.

I assure you that you’re not the worst sinner in history. Take St. Paul, for example. He used to kill Christians for a living, but God still loved him. Are you worse than that?

The Catholic Church has a bit of an aura about it. In a way I find it somewhat comforting.

I agree with both statements.

God Bless,
RyanL

 

[Mijoy2]

Matt,

Yes, good idea, read Mere Christianity again. Then again.
I can relate to your post. Particularily your doubts. I try to handle my doubts the following ways (in no particular order):

First, I have been assured many times in the confessional that my doubts are not in themselves sinful. Which is comforting, to me. It means God does not expect from me what I am incapable to give.

Second, I try to saturate myself with words from and about the saints. So many people who have lived humble devout and joyful lives in Christ.

Third, and this is not popular, I weigh the odds. Short of a private revelation you and I will never get the court room genetic, conclusive, sceintific, indisputable evidence we await. However God did reveal himself to us. His revelation is documented in what we call the Bible. I find the story from Genesis to Revelation to be something of which I do not think man could have manufactured on his own either intentionally or unintentionally. Particularily intentionally. The Bible encompasses thousands of years and many many generations. Something, Matt, happened. Of this we can be quite certain. If God did reveal Himself to us, then He certainly would not have been unsuccessfull in doing so. Therefore I find it easy to believe the Bible is 100% true, or 100% fabrication. Which makes it fairly easy for me to discount so many of the heresies out there (latest being the DaVinci Code hogwash). In other words my struggle is with; Truth vs. no Truth. As opposed to Truth vs. relativism.

Fourth (and certainly not least to me), Typology. The NT being concealed in the Old and the OT being revealed in the New. Utterly amazing.

Finally, My personal witness to what happens when one lays his life down and follows Christ. I know we are not to put God to a test (as it says somewhere in the Bible) but I don’t think He was upset with me when I, in a way, did just that. Skeptically, I chose to follow Christ. My life made a 180 degree turn for the better. Coincidence? maybe? But maybe not.

I truly wish you the best in your stuggles and will pray for us both.

 

[Thal59]

Start out slowly; take babysteps.

Accept that there is a God, and make Him a part of your life in whatever way is currently agreable to you.

I am very confused about whether God is real or not. I have read some philosophical arguments for and against the existence of a God, but they cannot, of course, prove anything one way or another. <<<

You won’t find God in a formula or philosophical argument. He asks faith from you.

The idea of Hell worries me a bit.<<<

There is nothing to worry about. If you have accepted God and have faith in Him, He will not abandon you.

I have some horrible thoughts about myself and humanity.<<<

We all do. We will never be free of them completely until we are with God. The problem is that we are all subject to the taint of Satan, whether we believe in him or not. But we are not all subject to the grace of God if we have rejected Him. Once you have accepted God, placed your faith and trust in God, and hopefully, received grace through the Eucharist, you will find that although the thoughts never go away, you are in a much better position to have power of them, rather than they having power over you.

I am very distrusting of people and tend to keep myself to myself. I don’t think I could ever go to a church. I don’t have a job because of my mental health problems. I don’t have friends.<<<

You are answering your own observation. You do not trust. But once you have exercised trust, in God first and foremost, you will find it easier to trust others.

I try hard to ignore religion because I find it so confusing. There are so many faiths with so many subdivisions…<<<

Then go back to the first church; the apostolic church; the Roman Catholic church. All others have seperated from her and thus have their confusing issues.

Sometimes I can ignore it (religion) for months at a time, but it always comes back. Why can’t I shut it out forever?

I read the New Testament a couple of years ago. I found it interesting rather than enlightening.<<<

Of course it did not enlighten you. You stated in your previous paragraph that you have tried to shut religion out. You then wonder why religious writting does not enlighten you. It fails you, because you have made a concerted effort from within not to accept it. Start with God. Take those babysteps. The rest will follow.

I even prayed for a while, but nothing seemed to change (I only really prayed for Gods guidance in seeking Him out).<<<

Nothing seemed to change? You prayed for guidance and now here you are bearing your soul on a Catholic website. You spoke earlier that you could not trust anyone, yet here you are asking strangers for help. Things are changing. God is guiding you. Your presence here is proof of that. You have already won a handful of friends here that are willing to help you. Keep the ball rolling.

Some of you have such strong faith, it makes me jealous and a bit angry.<<<

You think I have strong faith? I fell away from the church for 13 years. I have been back for two years and I still have an occasional spiritual crisis. God and Satan are battling for your soul as long as you live. Which side will you take? But remember, you must choose sides for life. It may never be easy.

I don’t know why I’m posting here.<<<

Then obviously “someone” has guided you here. Interesting, isn’t it… you did pray for guidance. You are doing a lot better than you give yourself credit for. Feel free to email me thru the link in my profile. There is no rush; take your time. I’ll chat with you for however long you like. Its up to you.

Thal59

 

[Lazerlike42]

I remember a time when I had no friends. Its really tough, I spent an entire summer in my basement alone for the most part. It can be very frustrating, very angering, and very depressing. But you’re here now, the same place I ended up. None of us have perfect faith, we all go through crises from time to time. Some of the greatest men in the Bible even denied their faith or had doubts. But God was there for them, and He is there for you. He is closer than you think, and I can tell He is helping you, guiding you. Just find a way to ask God for what He wants, for what His will is, not yours. Try, even if only for a week, even if only for a day, to just abandon yourself to Him and to let Him have complete control. You’ve got nothng to lose, so just take one day and ask Him to help you truly and completely give yourself to Him that day, and then really and truly do give yourself, and let yourself be His for that day. You will be shocked at what happens.

 

[Arlene]

Matt
This is not your last chance, it is just your beginning. That draw you have been feeling, that recurring idea of going back to take another look…that is God speaking to you quietly. He doesn’t demand, He doesn’t force or coerce. He offers.
He is offering you more. He is offering you meaning. He is offering you His Love.
And what happens if you say yes? You take a giant leap of faith. I am not a science/logical/mathamatical person. I don’t get into the hairsplitting debates of theology/translation/interpretation. Philosophy makes my head spin and eyes glaze over.
But this I know:
Something had to have started all this. Something has to be bigger than all of us. I cannot believe that the universe is accidental. I choose to believe in God.
But we are not puppets, we are not part of some celestial puppet show. God created us with free will. And sometimes that free will allows us to make choices that God would rather we didn’t make. It sounds like you live alone and don’t have children. But those of us who are parents know that sometimes our children make unwise choices. And sometimes we just have to stand by and let them play out those choices, hoping they will change direction before they are completely lost. I know God is saddened by some of the choices we make. And he is very deliriously happen when we come back repentant and try harder next time.
I agree with another poster: you prayed for guidance. Now here you are. Sometimes God leads us so gently, so inconspicuosly, that we don’t realize we were lead. I guess we expect those cartoon images of a big neon sign with arrows pointing to it. (not making fun of you, please don’t take it that way) But God’s way is more subtle, more still. It will bring you a peace. A comfort, a quiet stillness inside of you.
Keep searching, keep asking questions. Some of it will start to make sense. Some of it never will, that is why it is called faith. There is so much I don’t know, don’t understand.
God loves you. He does not regret making you. He is waiting for you to find Him.
Bless you on your journey.

Arlene

 

[migurl]

The world can be pretty ugly huh? So many horrible things happen every day, sometimes I wonder why, you know…if God is so good, why is the world so corrupt? Well, it’s corrupt b/c we have free will. Do you know the story of Adam and Eve? I used to think it was as simple as disobeying God and that is why they got kicked out of Eden. Then I thought more about it and figured that by eating of the fruit they became aware of evil and therefore could do evil. But then I realized this: It wasn’t just a matter of knowing what evil was, it was the fact that they decided that they were going to decide was was good and what was evil instead of leaving it up to God. THink of it this way, if you went to the doctor and he told you to take some medicine and to stay in bed for a week you would do it right? Why? B/c he knows better than you what to do with your injury/illness. God Is our doctor!

Anyways, the doubts and questions you have are all normal and good. Why? Because we cannot find any truth if we do not look for it. Can I ask you some questions? What is your position on the value of human life? What do you think about being kind and helpful?

 

[jimmy]

38 year old UK guy seeks help…
Firstly I am not Catholic, or even Christian. I am very confused about whether God is real or not. I have read some philosophical arguments for and against the existence of a God, but they cannot, of course, prove anything one way or another.
The idea of Hell worries me a bit. Why would a loving God allow anyone to go to Hell? If God created everything then did He create Hell? Why can’t He destroy it?
I do not believe in Creationism. I don’t believe the claims made by so-called ‘healers’. Neither do I believe that we are in the ‘end times’. I think some people are just exploiting fears and getting very rich from it (I am very cynical as well)…
I used to watch EWTN. I liked a lot of the programmes. It made a nice change from the usual violence, nudity, bad language that saturates our screens (I’m not a prude, but too much gets boring).
I even prayed for a while, but nothing seemed to change (I only really prayed for Gods guidance in seeking Him out). I read ‘The Purpose Driven Life’ but it didn’t move me (it reminded me of ‘How To Win Friends and Influence People). I also read CS Lewis’ ‘Mere Christianity’ and that did make a bit of sense (I should probably read it again).
Eventually I drifted away from all that stuff. But like I said before, it wont go away.
Some of you have such strong faith, it makes me jealous and a bit angry. Maybe God knows me too well and doesn’t like me, so he keeps me away from Him. I wouldn’t blame Him for that.
What am I to make of all this. I’m sorry if this is a bit rambling. It’s a bit like a thought dump.
I don’t know why I’m posting here. The Catholic Church has a bit of an aura about it. In a way I find it somewhat comforting.
Even though I’m not sure what, if anything, I’m asking for, I’d be grateful for some feedback good or bad.

Matt
Why do I feel nervous posting this on April 1st?

There is one saint, St. Isaac of Syria(there might be others but this is the one I have seen) that considered the torments of hell to be love itself. Here is a little quote from him.

As for me I say that those who are tormented in hell are tormented by the invasion of love. What is there more bitter and violent than the pains of love? Those who feel they have sinned against love bear in themselves a damnation much heavier than the most dreaded punishments. The suffering with which sinning against love afflicts the heart is more keenly felt than any other torment. It is absurd to assume that the sinners in hell are deprived of God’s love. Love is offered impartially. But by its very power it acts in two ways. It torments sinners, as happens here on earth when we are tormented by the presence of a friend to whom we have been unfaithful. And it gives joy to those who have been faithful. That is what the torment of hell is in my opinion: remorse. But love inebriates the souls of the sons and daughters of heaven by its delectability.

Place your faith in the Lord, brother, and have hope.

 

[Libero]

Matt, all will be fine…

If you want, write to your local bishop or even Cardinal Murphy O’Connor (Archbishop of Westminster - I wrote to him a little while ago and he gave a great reply, very kind and understanding).

You are beginning your jouney to God (I think) you need to find a place with God which you are comfortable with. For now, do not focus on the idea of hell - you will come to understand with time.

Good luck

 

[i_like_clouds]

Little Mary:

Matt,

I just wanted to reply and let you know that I hope you decide to try and stay close to God. Pray to Him and maybe visit a local church where they have adoration - sit a while in His presence. He wants you near him - don’t ever think He doesn’t.

I went to a Catholic bookshop near a Church and they suggested I sat in on mass. I was terrified! I just couldn’t bring myself to go inside. It was like I had no right to be in such a place.
Little Mary:

Consider going to confession or make an appointment with a priest to discuss what you are struggling with theologically. He will not condemn you nor try and persuade you to convert or anything like that. But you will find some comfort and direction.

Can I go to confession even though I’m not Catholic?
I suppose I could give my local priest a call. But I’m so scared of people and my head is so mixed up that I wouldn’t know where to begin.
Little Mary:

I think you were brave to let us all into your thoughts like that. If you stick around here a while, you will see that we are not a bad bunch and you might even make some friends here. I know I have.

God bless you and reach out to Him!
LM

I can see that you are a good bunch. Thats one of the reasons I posted here.
Thanks for your reply. Indeed thanks to all who replied.

 

[i_like_clouds]

Thal59:

Sometimes I can ignore it (religion) for months at a time, but it always comes back. Why can’t I shut it out forever?

I read the New Testament a couple of years ago. I found it interesting rather than enlightening.<<<

Of course it did not enlighten you. You stated in your previous paragraph that you have tried to shut religion out. You then wonder why religious writting does not enlighten you. It fails you, because you have made a concerted effort from within not to accept it. Start with God. Take those babysteps. The rest will follow.

I think I phrased things badly. The praying was done, then I became discouraged and turned away. Unfortunately I am very impatient about most things so unless I see an almost instant change I get bored and move on.

Thal59:

I even prayed for a while, but nothing seemed to change (I only really prayed for Gods guidance in seeking Him out).<<<

Nothing seemed to change? You prayed for guidance and now here you are bearing your soul on a Catholic website. You spoke earlier that you could not trust anyone, yet here you are asking strangers for help. Things are changing. God is guiding you. Your presence here is proof of that. You have already won a handful of friends here that are willing to help you. Keep the ball rolling.

I see your point, but to a certain extent people on forums aren’t ‘real’. If I set my mind to it I could pretend to be anyone whilst online. My social-phobia doesn’t seem to exist on the internet. If only I was so courageous in real life.

Thal59:

Then obviously “someone” has guided you here. Interesting, isn’t it… you did pray for guidance. You are doing a lot better than you give yourself credit for. Feel free to email me at Bthal59@earthlink.net. There is no rush; take your time. I’ll chat with you for however long you like. Its up to you.

Thal59

I haven’t prayed for a year or so. I’d feel ashamed and embarrased to do so now even though I know, yes I really know, that God will not be angry. I think that last sentence means I do believe something.
Thanks for the reply and the email offer.
Matt

 

[jimmy]

I went to a Catholic bookshop near a Church and they suggested I sat in on mass. I was terrified! I just couldn’t bring myself to go inside. It was like I had no right to be in such a place.

We are all sinners. You are no worse than any of us. You are welcome in the church. To participate in the heavenly liturgy(that is what the mass is) is one of the greatest things we can do. It can bring you great grace from God and He will help you on your journey. Don’t worry, God loves you.

Can I go to confession even though I’m not Catholic?
I suppose I could give my local priest a call. But I’m so scared of people and my head is so mixed up that I wouldn’t know where to begin.

Talk to a local priest. He will welcome you, he will discuss everything with you.

 

[i_like_clouds]

migurl:

Can I ask you some questions? What is your position on the value of human life? What do you think about being kind and helpful?

I think all human life, at least at birth (or conception), is priceless. However, it gets tricky when considering murderers, etc. I’d say that some people should be in prison if they are so dangerous.
As for being kind and helpful, well its a good thing. I try to be whenever the opportunity presents itself, but I am rather restricted due to my health problems.

Matt

 

[migurl]

well, if you believe that kindess and charity are good things and that abortion and mery-killings are wrong you are already on the right path. So many today don’t get that. Punishment for murderers is tricky, there are times when the catholic church accepts it as a valid punishment.

 

[K-McD]

i_like_clouds:

I see your point, but to a certain extent people on forums aren’t ‘real’. If I set my mind to it I could pretend to be anyone whilst online. My social-phobia doesn’t seem to exist on the internet. If only I was so courageous in real life.
Matt

The people on these forums type words; nothing more, nothing less. Any effect of change you may get is from God. So, keep reading; and praying.

 

[LilyM]

i_like_clouds:

I went to a Catholic bookshop near a Church and they suggested I sat in on mass. I was terrified! I just couldn’t bring myself to go inside. It was like I had no right to be in such a place.

Now THAT is the devil trying to get you not to go - at the very least Mass would be harmless (to you, not to the devil though!). It’s not like the priest and congregation will point at you and say ‘SINNER!’ - we all are sinners. Some of the most notorious sins in the Church’s history have been committed by its Popes (sad but true). They went to mass, even celebrated it (after confession and repentance, one hopes), lightning didn’t strike them down.

Just hold on to Jesus’ words that he came precisely to call sinners and not the righteous.

Can I go to confession even though I’m not Catholic?
I suppose I could give my local priest a call. But I’m so scared of people and my head is so mixed up that I wouldn’t know where to begin.

I don’t know about confession exactly - but certainly (absolutely!) talk to your local priest. I’m sure there’s little or nothing you could say to him that he wouldn’t have heard before.

Scared of people you say? Do you have social anxiety disorder or agoraphobia maybe? Talk to a psychologist - possibly you do and don’t know it. Both of those are treatable. If it’s a question of low self-esteem or fear of criticism, then join the club - so many of us feel the same way, including some priests and a lot of those parishioners you may think will judge you

Don’t let it stop you doing things that will help you. Just think of it like jumping into the deep end of a pool for the first time. Just take a deep breath and do it. Even if you can’t swim you can float and you’ll be fine if you just let yourself be.

I can see that you are a good bunch. Thats one of the reasons I posted here.

We can see that you have a good and sincere heart as well, that’s why we’re all backing you all the way

Let us know how you get on.

 

[carol_marie]

Hi Matt,

If you are nervous about going to mass with lots of people (I was too… I was afraid I wouldn’t know what to do & everybody would wonder why I was there?) anyhow, maybe you can do what I did… I went when there wasn’t a mass… the church was basically empty except for a few people praying & they didn’t even notice me. I just came in & sat down. It’s quiet & beautiful & not intimidating in the least. Maybe when you are there you could give a shot at praying again.

I have to tell you that I loved your post. You are so honest with your feelings & your fears. We will all be praying for you and we’re glad you are here. You are now among friends.

Blessings to you,
CM