Hatefullness and spite?

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Montie_Claunch

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Hello everyone,

I was wondering if ya’ll could help me with a problem I have. I have a hard time letting go of things that people have wronged me on and tend to hold on to it and be resentful and mad at them for whatever they did. I know that we are supposed to forgive, “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us”. I don’t want to be holding on and doing this. Could someone give me some tips on forgiving people (seriously forgiving)? Thanks and God bless.
 
I can say that I used to have this problem too. It really ate me up inside–inability to forgive punishes us, not the other person. At some point I came up with this idea: whenever I was feeling angry and having hateful thoughts, I would take three deep breaths, and then say, “NO. I love [whoever] and I want to forgive them.”

Even if I really didn’t have a relationship with the person any more, I would make myself say those three words at the very least: “I love [whoever].” It wasn’t easy, I have to say. But the more I did it, the easier it became, and pretty soon, it was like I started to believe it! My anger and hatred were gradually diffused. And I truly felt like a new person because of it!

I will pray for you and ask God to give you strength, love, and mercy to mend this problem. I think that asking God to help you love and forgive will help. Ask Him to teach you. Perhaps confessing it will help you too. The confessor might have many other ideas to help you, or be able to recommend someone who can.
 
Hi Montie, I struggle with the same problem. Everybody does to some degree. Remind yourself that whoever wronged you is still a child of God, and He loves them. So if He can love them, we must love them too. A book that helped me a lot is Story of a Soul by St. Therese, and I agree with Unexpected Dawn…going to Confession helps.

I will pray for you, please pray for me.
 
I have found that it helps to see myself as no different than the person who has wronged me. It is much easier when, as you have done, you recognize the evil in yourself first. That is, you see that you cannot do as Christ commands. But do you thus stop loving yourself and do you withhold forgiveness from yourself? We are the first ones that we forgive, and if we can continue to go through life repeatedly forgiving ourselves – which we all do, over and over again — then how easy must it be to do the same for others! We justify our “evil” and we can learn to do the same for others – not really “justify” it, of course, but understand that those others are as aware of their own “evil” as we are of ours.

So, my suggestion is to simply see yourself as you really are before Christ and recognize the solidarity you have with your brothers or sisters, whether they are believers or not. Their motivation comes from the same place as yours. What is evil, after all, but the lack of what is good?

We are too quick to forgive ourselves and need to learn to grant the same love to others that we find easy to shower abundantly upon our miserable selves.

Don’t you think?
 
Montie,
I have a philosophy…Forgiveness is for me, not for the person I am forgiving. I have had a problem forgiving when it comes to anyone doing something that I perceive as wrong to my children…I used to hold onto it for a long time. I noticed that I was the one being hurt, not them. They go on with their merry lives and here I am sitting on anger and it is damaging my relationship with God. So, what I have forced myself to do is go to reconcilliation and confess that I am holding this grudge, then I go out of my way to be nice or say hello next time I see that person. I feel much better and they don’t even know I was mad or that they offended me. Usually that person doesn’t even know they have done anything that hurt or they don’t even remember the incident that caused me so much pain or seperation from God.
 
NATIVE AMERICAN TALE ABOUT TWO WOLVES:
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between 2 “wolves” inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
Click to expand...
 
Montie Claunch:
Hello everyone,

I was wondering if ya’ll could help me with a problem I have. I have a hard time letting go of things that people have wronged me on and tend to hold on to it and be resentful and mad at them for whatever they did. I know that we are supposed to forgive, “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us”. I don’t want to be holding on and doing this. Could someone give me some tips on forgiving people (seriously forgiving)? Thanks and God bless.
Click to expand...
I remind myself that I do not have to emotionally feel the forgiveness when I desire to forgive someone. All I have to do is will it, because it is right. When I feel emotions of resentment or anger well up inside of me, I again give the person to the Lord, and tell Him that I want to forgive. We can also pray for the person.

So, as we struggle with this we need to remember that as long as we do not desire revenge or harm to the person, and continue to be committed to loving them with Christ’s love, then we are okay.
 
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