Help me make sense of things

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hello everyone…
i am annie… i’ve been away from this site for a rather long time.
anyway, i’ve been in america for more than a year now and while i enjoy almost every second here, i have some issues to deal with.

i am a practising catholic and try to follow everything that the church teachers. i sometimes find that its only me who is doing and and then wonder, whats the point???

i’ll get to my point. i have been dating this guy for 6 months now, and all of a sudden, he just withdraw himself from me. after hours of conversation, he finally admited that the reason for him to break up with me was because i was againts pre marital activity. i have to admit, i only kissed him after 4 months and after that i told him that i will not engage in any thing that would lead on to, you know, sex.

i am now wondering, if everyone else is doing, why am i saving myself? while i know he is of no worth to keep, i am hurt. whats the point of not doing it when almost every other male have done it??? its usually only girls who takes vows of chasity … i dont know… i am just really hurt and confuse right now… please help…

prayers are most welcome

thanks and god bless
annie new jersey
 
Annie,

You are doing the right thing, saving yourself. Remember your body is a temple and Jesus dwells within you so you should honor your promise to GOD and to yourself. It’s his loss if he breaks up because you won’t do more than kiss before marriage. I saved myself for marriage and I don’t regret it, my husband and I have the utmost respect for each other. I am praying for you. God bless.
 
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quixotic:
hello everyone…
i am annie… i’ve been away from this site for a rather long time.
anyway, i’ve been in america for more than a year now and while i enjoy almost every second here, i have some issues to deal with.

i am a practising catholic and try to follow everything that the church teachers. i sometimes find that its only me who is doing and and then wonder, whats the point???

i’ll get to my point. i have been dating this guy for 6 months now, and all of a sudden, he just withdraw himself from me. after hours of conversation, he finally admited that the reason for him to break up with me was because i was againts pre marital activity. i have to admit, i only kissed him after 4 months and after that i told him that i will not engage in any thing that would lead on to, you know, sex.

i am now wondering, if everyone else is doing, why am i saving myself? while i know he is of no worth to keep, i am hurt. whats the point of not doing it when almost every other male have done it??? its usually only girls who takes vows of chasity … i dont know… i am just really hurt and confuse right now… please help…

prayers are most welcome

thanks and god bless
annie new jersey
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Dear Annie, I honor you for saving yourself. For not falling in to the trapping of American society. If you are interested, there is a group of young single Catholic men and women who have dedicated to be 100% pure until they are married. 100% pure = No sex, no pornography, no getting drunk or stoned. 100% pure means giving yourself to the Lord first.

NO YOU ARE NOT WRONG. They guy was a jerk. I’m willing to bet he would have left you if you had gone to bed with him…I know, I use to be that guy.

If you would like to know more, either PM or e-mail me for a contact in your area. When did you leave Panang?

You are not alone.
 
Annie:

The man who sees that your chastity is your gift to him for marriage would most probably be the one who deserves the gift.

You are the true romantic in a world full of cynics and compromised morality. Stay that way and trust the Lord that your happiest dreams are his best intentions.

Check out The Good News About Sex and Marriage by Christopher West, this is synthesized Theology of the Body of our beloved John Paul II.

Your title thread is asking for things to make sense…well, YOU IN YOUR CHASTE PERSON MAKE SENSE, the world is the insane one. Keep up the fight. You’re doing well.

God bless you little flower of Christ.

in XT.
 
And ask yourself, now that you know how he feels, do you think he would be a good companion for you in the long run? Disheartening though it may be, this would lead to bigger spiritual problems down the road.

Good for you, you are on the CORRECT track!
 
thank you so much for everything. i am still trying to not cry as i know hhe is not worth my while… but its difficult. its painful as well… i bought christopher west’s theology of the body for beginners… i guess i need more help now… i mean to just stay strong with His teachings…

thank you so much once again…
 
The right guy WILL wait: my dh and I entered marriage as virgins, at the age of almost 30!!! And I think it took us 4 or 5 months to get to our first kiss too, because we both AGREED it was not a problem! We’re 35 now and have 2 beautiful girls, trust me: it’s worth waiting for the right man to come along! This guy obviously wasn’t…

Anna x
 
what is going on? what is going on is that this poor guy has bought into the popular culture hook, line and sinker and is convinced the only way to have a relationship with another person is through sexual activity. He, like most of his generation, have never been acquainted with the idea that prevailed universally before the sexual revolution, that the way to get to know someone is through conversation, shared activities of mutual interest, leading to a deeper more intimate sharing of one’s mind and heart. This led to courtship, where the couple seriously prepared for marriage, and eventually to marriage, defined by the marriage act, which belonged only within marriage, a marriage open to life and all God’s gifts.

as my mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother said, he is only after one thing.
 
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puzzleannie:
as my mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother said, he is only after one thing.
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Yeah … but what do you say??? You never address that now did you???😃
 
Think of yourself as a well with beautiful spring water in it. Everytime you sin you throw waste into it. Keep yourself pure so as the baptismal waters will remain pure. It can be done, but it is not easy. It is easier though to keep the water fresh and pure than to try and purify the water once it is polluted. Others will see your purity and be inspired. How blessed you are. Also, did you know that Jesus is the spouse to virgins? You can keep yourself for your future husband with the graces that God will give you if you ask for them. God Bless You for your Faith, I am sure you are a pleasure for our Dear Lord Himself.
 
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quixotic:
i am now wondering, if everyone else is doing, why am i saving myself? while i know he is of no worth to keep, i am hurt. whats the point of not doing it when almost every other male have done it??? its usually only girls who takes vows of chasity … i dont know… i am just really hurt and confuse right now… please help…

prayers are most welcome

thanks and god bless
annie new jersey
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Please Annie don’t ever second guess yourself when it comes to choose the way of our Lord! This man was looking for one thing and when he got it the chance of him marrying you was low. This is why he did not want to wait because he knew he would not be marrying you!

I think it is so wonderful what you are doing and Jesus will reward you with many special graces. On May 14 of last year I was blessed with a marriage to women that held true to this vow for 36 years! Although my virginity was not intact I wish it was and I know there are many men out there that are doing the same as you just waitng for God to help them meet their wife to be, so take heart and know that not all North American men are so crass as your last boy friend.

Peace 👍
 
You are so smart to let him go if he can’t be the guy for you- the one that will wait. Many young people are not willing to sacrifice for the one special guy or girl. They fool themselves and they get very hurt in the process.

I have four children and when someone breaks up with them, I know how they hurt. Yet I always tell them that God has a plan for them and it is the best plan. If someone walks away from you and all your goodness, then God has an even better person that you will meet at the right time. I also say that it is that person’s loss if they walked away from you.

I believe that if we pray for God’s help in choosing a spouse then we will be making better choices for our future. I will say a prayer for you now as you are hurting.
 
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prodigal-sun:
Please Annie don’t ever second guess yourself when it comes to choose the way of our Lord! This man was looking for one thing and when he got it the chance of him marrying you was low. This is why he did not want to wait because he knew he would not be marrying you!

I think it is so wonderful what you are doing and Jesus will reward you with many special graces. On May 14 of last year I was blessed with a marriage to women that held true to this vow for 36 years! Although my virginity was not intact I wish it was and I know there are many men out there that are doing the same as you just waitng for God to help them meet their wife to be, so take heart and know that not all North American men are so crass as your last boy friend.

Peace 👍
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thats the thing. marraige. he was tlaking about it. and come to think of it…he might be saying that with the intention of me submiting to him sexually… but its did not happen.

you mention that there are guys out there who takes chasity vows as well??? thats really new to me… cause so far, all the ppl that i have met only made fun of me when they find out that i have never did anything besides kissing.

i guess its difficult for me to let him out of my heart as he is also the 1st guy that i kiss… but never the least, i am happy that all we did was just kiss.

thanks a lot for your encouragement
 
of course there are guys that want to be chaste until marriage and more than you probably think. We think the same thing about girls you know. It is just as hard to find girls that want to be chaste and wait until marriage as it is for girls to find guys. I personally have only been in one brief relationship and kissed only one girl and that was while studying abroad one semester. I don’t regret the relationship, since I think I really needed it at the time. For everyone I knew had already experienced what a first kiss was like and all that stuff with relationships and I was beginning to think something was wrong with me since I had not experienced those things yet. However, thanks to me finally experiencing it, I can be perfectly happy finishing college and hopefully meeting someone while in Law School to marry one day and I am going to make sure to be chaste until marriage. The point is, that you should not be discouraged since there are so many people out there who want to be chaste like you and I repeat that the problem is mutual for both genders.
 
oh, and I also understand what you mean by not wanting to let the guy out of your heat because it was your first kiss. I think I’ll always remember the girl I had my first kiss with. I think it is harder when your first kiss is at an older age. If I had my first kiss in my teenage years I probably would have thought nothing of it. However, like you said, just be happy that you did nothing more than kissing since you kept your chastity, and that is what is important.
 
yeah… i did feel like i am some kinda of freak for awhile, since everyone was laughing and making fun of me for being old fashion and a prude. but now, with all the support that you guys have given me… your understandings and empathy, i feel good now… i have finally stop crying and i could get on with life again. of course, there are hours when i get hit by my ‘lost’ but its just for awhile.
once again, thanks a lot for everything and do keep on praying…

god bless + sunshine
annie
 
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dhgray:
NO YOU ARE NOT WRONG. They guy was a jerk. I’m willing to bet he would have left you if you had gone to bed with him…I know, I use to be that guy.
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Move over and make room on the bench for me. I think a lot of us used to be that guy. :o

Some guys are even particularly adept at getting virgins to go to bed, and then lose interest when they find another – you now being damaged goods. 😦

My oldest son has convinced me that not all guys are like that; he was surrounded by attractive women, as he was the computer expert for journalism at his Catholic high school. Somehow he was able to see through their facades and realized how “whorish” (in his words) so many of them were. When he gets into a serious relationship it will be with someone like you are now – not like you feel you have to become to fit in.

Please keep up the good work. It is OK to pray for the boy too because he probably has no clue what he’s doing. If he does come around, though, and you end up back together, your willpower will have saved you both.

Some of us men, myself included, are fairly convinced that we would be pretty uncivilized if they weren’t forced into civilization by women. Since so many women are going the “uncivilized” way these days that makes ones like you all that more treasured a prize.

Alan
 
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quixotic:
thats the thing. marraige. he was tlaking about it. and come to think of it…he might be saying that with the intention of me submiting to him sexually… but its did not happen.

you mention that there are guys out there who takes chasity vows as well??? thats really new to me… cause so far, all the ppl that i have met only made fun of me when they find out that i have never did anything besides kissing.

i guess its difficult for me to let him out of my heart as he is also the 1st guy that i kiss… but never the least, i am happy that all we did was just kiss.

thanks a lot for your encouragement
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Well they are out there… I hope!

There are some very good ways to meet healthy devout Catholic men! St. Raphael is a great help and I’m sure there are other saints that will more than happy to help you out! Also maybe try some Catholic singles websites, I know there are some I’m having a problem thinking their names… Can anybody out there help with this!

My wife whom I met on the internet is from Lebanon! We had a relationhsip like that for 2 years. I was finally able to meet her when I took a trip to Medjugorje then stopped in Beirut for a week! We fell instantly in love just like that. Both of us thought we would never meet that soulmate so you pray & pray… Then when you stop worrying about it so much… BAM! YOu get floored by the graces our Lord loves to dish out in his own time. St. Rapheal helped us along for sure! So did our Lady of course cause I’m her #1 fan!!!

WE were married in May and just had our first baby girl… Yahooooo!!!

Peace! 👍
 
hmmmm! well isn’t that interesting, a good chaste Catholic boy born in 1984 and a good chaste Catholic girl born in 1983 on the same Catholic answers website talking about the same thing with the same experiences… interesting for sure!

Peace! 👍
 
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prodigal-sun:
Well they are out there… I hope!

There are some very good ways to meet healthy devout Catholic men! St. Raphael is a great help and I’m sure there are other saints that will more than happy to help you out! Also maybe try some Catholic singles websites, I know there are some I’m having a problem thinking their names… Can anybody out there help with this!

My wife whom I met on the internet is from Lebanon! We had a relationhsip like that for 2 years. I was finally able to meet her when I took a trip to Medjugorje then stopped in Beirut for a week! We fell instantly in love just like that. Both of us thought we would never meet that soulmate so you pray & pray… Then when you stop worrying about it so much… BAM! YOu get floored by the graces our Lord loves to dish out in his own time. St. Rapheal helped us along for sure! So did our Lady of course cause I’m her #1 fan!!!

WE were married in May and just had our first baby girl… Yahooooo!!!

Peace! 👍
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congrats on the baby… you must be sooo happy and excited!!

i do want to get married and have kids and all… but am getting a little cynical now… but i guess its just a way of me perserving my emotions… i know that god is always looing out for me, but its just that sometimes i feel like i am giving up so much.

dont get me wrong. i take pride in my religion and choice. i just wish that i would be able to meet more people with the same view as me… the church that i go to has either senior citizens of young families… there is no young adult groups as there is no young adult in my area!!!

i have started asking mother mary for help… mommy knows best right???

davis - thanks so much for the sfc contact.

god bless + sunshine
annie

one more question - is it really that difficult to not give in to urges??? maybe because i lack experice and have no idea how it is… but i was told that its a horrible thing for me to do a guy… and yes… he told me that
 
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