Help with the Inlaws

[scanj05]

Merry Christmas to all, I am having the hardest time, my husband and I have been married for seven years, we got our first house this year, and we planned to have christmas with all his family in our new home. My family all live out of state. Thursday night I got a call that my husband uncle had invited everyone to his house for christmas but us. the reason that we were not invited is because we have children four of them. I have been crying all day and I am very upset by this, I just don’t understand.

I became Catholic this year as did my four children, my husband is not upset by this, he says well we will do our own thing, however I have five siblings growing up so I am use to a big family get together for christmas.

Do you have any suggestions how to deal with this, without ruining christmas?
Please help
god bless you all
crystal

 

[kim3260]

((hugs)))
Make this year special as New Catholics and in your new home, start your own traditions. Your children may remember this as the “Best Year Ever” Don’t let others insensitive behaviors get you down.
God Bless You and Merry Christmas

 

[puzzleannie]

If you had already invited these people and they accepted, and then they broke their engagement with you to go to another gathering, that is a shocking breach of etiquette which would have Miss Manners up in arms. If that family is usually so casual about social obligations you may not be missing much.

If you had only planned to do so, and not gotten around to issuing invitations until you were pre-empted I guess there is not much you can do.

Don’t rush to a judgement unless you know from this person himself, not just hearsay, the reasons you weren’te invited. Does he invite other people with children? Or is it a not so subtle slam at your religion. don’t look for offense where none is intended, but on the other hand if you know for a fact there was a deliberate slight, you might want to start cultivating other friends and neighbors to celebrate holidays with, because you don’t need those people.

If you still want to socialize with family, you may have to do what others in large families do, divvy up the days, Christmas eve, Christmas dinner, evening, new years etc. We always had weekend after Christmas at my parents, because his parents had a command performance for Christmas ( each family was 300 miles away, but in different directions). My brother always had our family for New Years, because they were at his in-laws for Christmas, so it all worked out.

 

[Maria3m]

we planned to have christmas with all his family in our new home. My family all live out of state. Thursday night I got a call that my husband uncle had invited everyone to his house for christmas but us.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this right now, Crystal.

Did you already invite your husband’s family? did they tell you they were coming? I can’t imagine everyone would do this to you. Make sure that everyone you invited plans to go to the uncle’s before you get more upset. He might have invited them, but that doesn’t mean they are going. Call each of them to see if they still plan to come.

How to deal with it…well, that’s harder…depending on if you let what he did ruin your Christmas. Family sometimes can be challenging during the holidays.

I grew up with lots of family around, and after I got married it was very strange to imagine it being just DH and I.

Have a wonderful time now matter what. There isn’t much time left, but invite people who may not have family or aren’t planning to travel this year. (maybe someone at church)

You have a right to be hurt, but don’t dwell and let it ruin your family’s Christmas!

 

[Jay2]

You stated that you’ve been together for 7 years. Is this the 1st year you’ve not be invited over? It may just be an oversight… hard to beleive, but possible.

Stop guessing. Give Uncle a call and just ask them “No one ever called and said what time should we come over… is there anything we can bring, or help out with??” Then you’ll know if it was a mistake or intentional.

I 2nd the suggestion about dividing up the Holidays, It really can help with large or long-distance families. Thanksgiving at my MIL’s, Christmas Eve is usually at my Mom’s, Christmas Day at our place, New Years with friends, Easter at my SIL’s.

Why not cut the stress of having a major Holiday (in a new house none the less) until next year. Make your intentions known this year… “We’d like to host Christmas next year. We’ll be settled in, and love to have everyone over…”

 

[scanj05]

Thank you all for your help after I calmed down a little I prayed and this morning when I got home from Mass I talked to my husband and we are going to have a dinner all together after New Years. Yes we did invite them and they said they would be over at our house. I thank you all for your comments, it is time for new traditions in our house. Merry Christmas to all of you

 

[Arlene]

Wow, how rude of them.

Enjoy your first Christmas AS A CATHOLIC :clapping: :bounce: in your new home. What a great beginning to new traditions, a whole new way to celebrate the day.

Make the memories. Start the first annual whatever.

Next year, whether you get invited or not you can say truthfully, we’d love to come but we have our own plans.

Now, the uncharitable me would make some comment about having gone to the expense, trouble etc to have food, accomodations etc for a crowd that decided not to show up. But hopefully you are a bigger person than I am.

Merry Christmas.