How does one move on after a break up?

[morning_star_27]

This past September was difficult because my girlfriend broke up with me just as school was about to start. I considered it the worst thing that could happen to me because our relationship isn’t strong as it was, and my school work often takes a beating. She was the one who brought me to the Faith, which I am now struggling with. She had with her many major flaws that I tried to look past, but she never saw past mine, and in the end she broke up with me. It has left me depressed, and I find myself trying to avoid her.

I know it is best to move on, and God will provide a potential spouse when He sees fit, but how can I get over breaking up with a girl I thought was worth my while at the time?

 

[renee1258]

When you mean move on do you mean seeing other people or living your life to the fullest?
Before meeting my husband I broke up with someone, I was over them. It was over a year before I actually dated again. But since I wasn’t seeing anyone, many people assumed I wasn’t over him in some aspect.

You might have hobbies and interests that have been neglected, focus.

 

[La_Chiara]

Focus on your future. Get involved in new activities that she is not in. Try not to dwell on what went wrong with your relationship with her. Work on becoming the best person you can be for the spouse you want to find. The woman of your dreams will be interested in you if you are the man of her dreams. I guarantee that 20 years from now, you will look back at this and realize that God was right and she was wrong for you. You will be so happy with where you are and who you are with.

PS, when you say she brought you to the faith, you mean to the Christian faith? I see in your profile that you are non-denominational. Have you looked at our beautiful Catholic faith? You should. The Catholic faith is THE most beautiful and the true Chrisitan faith! Bar none. God bless.

 

[dhgray]

Dude,
The ladies are right. Focus on your future.

She was the one who brought me to the Faith, which I am now struggling with.

Praise God. She was an instrument for God. But she is not GOD. Please do not use her (or any of us) as a messure of Christianity. We are all human, we all sin. Your Faith needs to be bound in the fact that JESUS loves you, that JESUS died for you, the JESUS came back from the dead for you. IT’S ALL ABOUT JESUS and the relationship you have with HIM not with others.

She had with her many major flaws that I tried to look past, but she never saw past mine, and in the end she broke up with me.

Yes you miss her and yes her absence from your life is painful but NO you did nothing wrong.

It has left me depressed.

Suck it up and drive on.

God will provide a potential spouse when He sees fit

Start for praying for your future spouse NOW and your future children - if that is HIS plan for your life. Remember: “Thy will be done.”

how can I get over breaking up with a girl I thought was worth my while at the time?

Pray for her, pray for healing … pray and thank God for the time you had together. Thank God for using her to being you closer to HIM.

Get involved in a Catholic Youth ministry like CFC-Youth For Christ (link below).

 

[Sir_Knight]

Having been in your shoes, the advice that I will give you is to pray. Pray constantly. Say the Rosary in the morning upon waking up and upon going to bed. If you can fit it in, even if it is difficult, attend daily Mass and say a rosary before and after Mass. Attend public Novena services. If you look around, I’m sure that you’ll be above to find a couple of them a week.

Pray for help. Pray for guidance. Pray for strength. Don’t give God the solution that you’re looking for because that might not be what is best for you and God only wants the best for us. Let the solution come to you from God. Put your faith in the Lord and He will not let you down but answer your prayers.

My girlfriend ran off with another guy while still wearing my engagement ring. I never saw her or the ring again but my prayers were answered.

I did everything that I suggested to you. I prayed the rosary upon waking up and upon going to bed. I attended daily Mass getting there about 20 minutes early so that I could say a rosary before the start of Mass and I said a rosary at the conclusion of Mass. I found two Parishes that had weekly Novena services and I attended both of them.

The more I prayed, the easier things became. Untilmately, I was blessed with a wonderful wife and I couldn’t be happier after a decade of marriage.

 

[dominosNbiscuts]

These folks have been doling out some GOOD advice - heed it!

Let me also assure you that if you move on with your life in faith - even if you can’t seem to budge you feelings just now, and NEW feels NUMB - the day will arrive for you as it did for me when you will look back and say: “Thanks God for being with me and saving me from that. She’d have been a fate worse than death!”

God bless you, pal

DB

 

[shannin]

morning_star_27:

This past September was difficult because my girlfriend broke up with me just as school was about to start. I considered it the worst thing that could happen to me because our relationship isn’t strong as it was, and my school work often takes a beating. She was the one who brought me to the Faith, which I am now struggling with. She had with her many major flaws that I tried to look past, but she never saw past mine, and in the end she broke up with me. It has left me depressed, and I find myself trying to avoid her.

I know it is best to move on, and God will provide a potential spouse when He sees fit, but how can I get over breaking up with a girl I thought was worth my while at the time?

**The passage of time **and Prayer will get you through the break-up. If she is the one that brought you to your faith, then the relationship was well worth the heartache you are experiencing.

Many many, blessings to you,
Shannin

 

[StephanieC]

Morning star, I’ll share this with you so that you’ll have this married female’s perspective. You’ve gotten some good replies already. Maybe some more of the men on this site would be better suited to answer your post, but my heart goes out to you & I want to be sure you know that 1) others care & will pray for you; 2) you are not alone, even though it feels that way and 3) it WILL get better, and you WILL move on. I don’t know how old you are, but I’m guessing from your reference to school that you’re either in high school or college.

I (eventually) learned how to make sense of my dating days, which spanned the time both before & after my return to the Catholic Church, ONLY through prayer and focus on God in the Eucharist, and through the intercession and protection of His Blessed Mother.

Also, the book of Psalms was/is a tremendous comfort whenever I was too upset or confused to begin my own prayers.

My ears (okay, so online it’s “eyes” ) perk up whenever I hear a young person say that they feel “depressed”—please stay in touch with your family & friends, and let them know that you’re going through a rough time. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a professional counselor–high schools, colleges or even your parish/church can refer you.

Remember that God formed you in the womb and knows you, and guards you as “the apple of His eye.” You are precious in His sight, and He wants only GOOD for you! Sometimes, to help us appreciate what is truly good, He allows us to experience painful, growing experiences. Who knows what wonders God has planned for you in your life?!

God bless,

StephanieC

 

[Finella]

morning_star_27:

I know it is best to move on, and God will provide a potential spouse when He sees fit, but how can I get over breaking up with a girl I thought was worth my while at the time?

pureloveclub.com/chastity/index.php?id=7&entryid=76

here is the link to a question asked on “pureloveclub.com”. The main link is on the Catholic Answers home page under Chastity. I think it will help you…

Everyone here so far has given you great advice. But it is so much easier for us to look back on our past experiences and see the good in them. I understand what you are going through right now, and it is painful…

Browse around the Pureloveclub site and I am sure will find a lot of helpful info on all aspects of dating, marriage etc.

If you have any more questions or start feeling even more depressed, you can always post again here and we will do everything we can to help you through this rough time in your life.

Good luck! Like others have said, it WILL get better…we promise

Finella

 

[LauraL]

Depending on how long you were together, allow yourself a set amount of time to grieve the relationship. Several months ago a man I cared deeply about pulled a nasty turnabout on me – I gave myself ONE DAY IN BED to grieve him (hey! those Victorian ladies knew something to take to their beds when they were upset, didn’t they?) – then the next day I got back up and started looking at my life and taking some action to start building a different sort of life, one I wanted more (I’m speaking of hobbies and aesthetics, not morals) Was that a silly thing to do? Absolutely! But it was what I decided I would “give” as my gesture in honor of a relationship that had meant a lot to me for a very long time. And I must admit, I enjoyed every minute of it!

During your reasonable grieving period (assuming you decide that more than one day is going to be necessary), do what is necessary in your life – your family obligations, work (in your case, school – I called in sick, but again, it was just one day), Faith… but don’t take on additional duties which could distract your energies from the necessities. You should ask yourself what you can do to make yourself feel better, and if something comes to mind – a trip to the State Park to go hiking, or going to a school function that you’d not really thought much about – then do that.

Once that period has passed, evaluate what you have just been through, give yourself some sort of personal, private ceremony of remembrance (I went through and deleted all his email and his address from my computer and purged all the photos and stuff I had in the house, said some prayers for him and his kids…) … then get up and move on.

Finally, remember that God allows nothing to happen to us that He can’t use for our good and for His glory. As your future unfolds, you will see that clearly. Also, He is not just the people who introduce us to Him, but ever so much more. Sure, you’re reeling right now, but don’t make a career of blaming God for the failures of the people in your life, okay? Like the man said, “suck it up and move on.”

I send you a sisterly/motherly hug (if you’re in college, you’re young enough to be a kid of mine) God bless you!

 

[ridesawhitehors]

Sounds like you really got burned!
Shake it off friend, and go forward.
Don’t waste time torturing yourself - Forget about her!
Start dating again soon. Just for fun - nothing serious. Hang out with friends - go do fun stuff - don’t hang out by yourself.
Lots of physical activity, work out, hiking, running, etc.

You sound like you have a great heart. Don’t let it be jaded by this turn in your life. Take time daily and meditate on Our Lord and Our Lady, and heal.

 

[robertaf]

Greetings,

This is very hard. Be grateful you were not further along than you were. Be grateful you had not married.

Last weekend, the wife of someone very dear to me, decided she did not want to be married anymore. There are 4 children whose life, as a family has been destroyed because mom wants to be “free”.

I have no words for this man, nearly 50 yrs old whose life has fallen apart He is depressed and hopeless. His faith in God has been put to the test. This is a good husband who loves his wife, children and the Church.

How do I tell him how to move on?

 

[morning_star_27]

I know that it’s been a while since I wrote in this forum, and I appreciate all the advice, the prayers, and support that you all have given to me. Thank you all so much. God bless.