Hurt a friend

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I have a protestant friend who drifts between denominations. He seems to be one of the “Independant Bible Christians”. He seems somewhat liberal-ish in his thought, though his family is conservative so he’s a somewhat moderate, open thinker.

After many sessions, trying to explain Catholicism and help him convert, I pushed too far and hurt his feelings. I had been dishumble in the way I spoke to him, or rather, he felt that I was being a jerk because I was going on about how the Catholic Church seemed to have an explanation for everything.

Besides his small contempuousness for Catholics due to certain dogma disagreements with her, warriness of past evil popes, and the fact that Catholics don’t seem to allow free will of thought and decision, he seems so turned off by the fact that when I spoke to him, he felt like I was “Treating him like a little lost lamb, a silly little boy.”

He hates this attitude of the church (or rather, he THINKS of the Church this way, probably because of the impression I gave him): that we act like we know everything. He says that just because we have apostilistic succession, doesn’t mean we are always right. He thinks that we are like the Pharisees that use our possition rather then our message to tell people what to believe.

My friend’s feeling of faith and Christianity is very different from mine. He is turned off when I use too much logic or reason (such as quoting from the bible a lot or using pure thought), he wants to feel faith and goodness of the “message” too.

But that is not my problem… the problem is that by over-evangelizing him with Catholicism, I just lost a very good friend…

Please, someone, this is what I ask for: Tell me how to practice apologetics on people without hurting them… and tell me how I could possible try to get my friend back.
 
“Whatever place does not welcome you or listen to you, leave there and shake the dust off your feet in testimony against them”
Mark 6, 11
 
I don’t have any advice on how to practice apologetics on your friend, but if you want to mend your friendship I would suggest apologizing to him for pushing so hard and hurting his feelings, and then agree not to talk so much about your faith versus his. Sometimes, you just need to back off. Live your faith, but don’t beat him over the head with it.
 
Maybe you were too tough or pedantic with this friend, but I don’t think it matters if this is true:
My friend’s feeling of faith and Christianity is very different from mine. He is turned off when I use too much logic or reason (such as quoting from the bible a lot or using pure thought), he wants to feel faith and goodness of the “message” too.
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Yeah, too many people are “turned off” by the God-given organ used to discern truth. If he just wants to gorge himself on spiritual bon bons, so be it. You can’t be held accountable for his anti-reason.

I’ve gotten too tough with people, too. I get frustrated when I run into this attitude. When people persistently refuse to carry a thought to a conclusion, and then add smug condescension to it, that’s when I’m less concerned with evangelization than demonstrating how their parents were probably related.
 
Without knowing much of your background with your friend, I would agree with juno that an apology may be in order … not for your beliefs but for maybe inadvertantly acting like you got a leg up on religion because you’re Catholic. You may want to say that sometimes your enthusiasm for your faith comes out too strong because you feel it so deeply but you would never want to hurt your friendship.

Are you a convert? If you are, that may be part of the problem too. If two people have a relationship based on a background that is similar and then one veers off in another direction it can cause some problems with the one that is still on the same path.

As for practicing apologetics, my advice would be ‘know your audience’. If it’s looking like it’s getting to be too much just back off.

Hope this helps!
 
I can’t remember the name of the book, but either Catholic Answers or EWTN offers a book with a title something like “How Not to Evangelize.” One of the cautions in the book was to focus on sharing the truth rather than trying to convince someone. If anyone knows the title, please add it to the thread.

I Peter 3:15b is a good verse for us all, “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give a reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.”

:amen:
 
Appologize to him, and drop the subject. It sounds like he is not anti-Catholic or anything- he just does his thing, and respects your choices too. Just let him be. You usually can’t win people like that over by explaining things.
 
After smoothing things over with your friend, as others have suggested, I have two book recommendations for you, both of which, I believe, are available from Catholic Answers:

How NOT To Share Your Faith, by Mark Brumley
Search & Rescue, by Patrick Madrid

One comment about your friend which I’ve noticed about other people: they want to question everything, but if they don’t like the answers, they seem to get personally offended. Now maybe this may be because of the way it was presented (“If you don’t do X you are going straight to hell!”), but more than likely, they are looking for answers they want to hear. This is an immature attitude and, if you are dealing with a person who repeatedly does this, you may have to preface your future answers with “Why do you want to know?” or better yet: “I’ll discuss this with you if you can do so rationally and not take things personally, because it isn’t personal–I’m only telling you because you asked.”
 
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