Husband is committing Adultery but is going to RCIA

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glxy88

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About 6 months ago, my husband left our family saying that he needed some time to rethink our marriage because he was just not happy. This was a complete and utter shock to our family but, thinking that I was doing right by him, I gave him the “space” he said he needed. He moved in with his friend, who lives about 30 mins from our home.

However shortly after that, I found out that my husband was having an affair that started about 2 years prior to our separation. AND, as details about the affair began to surface, I also found out that my husband and his mistress are attending RCIA classes together at a Church in the town his friend lives in!

I am so distraught and heartbroken, not only by the separation, but by the fact that, instead of going to church with his family to strengthen his faith and keep us closer, he chooses to do this with one who keeps him in sin, every day.

I wanted to have faith that catechism classes would enrich his mind and heart to a faithful and righteous way of living, but instead, it seems like the personal relationship with his mistress is getting strengthened even more by their endeavor.

I am very confused on how to handle this situation because I feel like my husband and his mistress have not been fully honest with the Church. But I am also afraid that the Church may know, and may not be doing anything about it.

Should I contact that Church and shed light on who I am, and who they are?

(FYI- we are both Baptized Catholics and were married in a Catholic Church in 2010. My husband received the sacraments of baptism and holy communion only, and I have received all sacraments except, of course, holy orders and anointing of the sick )
 
I am so sorry you are going through this. It must be very confusing and hurtful.

Perhaps the best thing to do would be to make an appointment with your priest and see what he advises. Tell him everything that is going on and see what he thinks.

Ask St. Joseph to intercede for you, that your husband will see the error of his ways.
 
glxy88 said:
I am very confused on how to handle this situation because I feel like my husband and his mistress have not been fully honest with the Church. But I am also afraid that the Church may know, and may not be doing anything about it.
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I’m so sorry you are going through this. At some point they will need your husband’s baptismal certificate from his parish of record which should also show him validly married to you. They will find out. He probably cannot trick his way through Confirmation.
 
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I agree with@Irishmom2 that talking with your priest may be the best course of action.

You might also let RCIA run its course and see what happens. RCIA is a process of conversion of the heart and growth in spiritual maturity. All through the process people should, among other things, be thinking about their sinful lives and what it means to leave those lives behind in favor of becoming a new creation in Christ… The Scrutinies involve three weeks of acknowledging sin and repenting for it. I’ve seen people decide, for example, that they can no longer live wit a significant other they’re not married to. I pray your husband has this kind of conversion experience.
 
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Just stopping in to say that I feel for you and I’m sorry. St Monica is the patroness of wayward husbands. Her husband was abusive and unfaithful.

St. Monica, pray for us.
 
I don’t know what to say, but I know that when my nephew married a catholic convert (he was baptized as an infant), he was investigated, as a matter of course. If you and your husband were married in the church, I can’t see how he could marry anyone else, unless he had an annulment. And, you would have to be involved in that process.

Maybe you should think about the wisdom in staying in this marriage. If he’s attending RCIA with another woman, he doesn’t understand much about sacramental marriage!

There’s a lot you didn’t say in your original post (I’m editing my last post.). Do you have kids? You were quite vague when mentioning ‘the family’.

How much do you really know about this man? You should speak to your own priest, and hear what he says especially if children are involved.
 
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Have you talked to your husband about all this? If not, this might be a good place to start. I personally would be talking also with a lawyer.
 
Yes, I would send an email to the pastor. He needs to be aware of the situation.
 
glxy88 said:
Should I contact that Church and shed light on who I am, and who they are?
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As the one in charge of RCIA at my parish, I would definitely want to be informed. Don’t presume they know. If he lied about being married on his intake form, then they might have no idea.
Irishmom2 said:
Perhaps the best thing to do would be to make an appointment with your priest and see what he advises. Tell him everything that is going on and see what he thinks.
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This sounds like a good first step. I would make an appointment sooner rather than later. The Easter Vigil is just 2 1/2 weeks away.
 
Joe_5859 said:
Should I contact that Church and shed light on who I am, and who they are?
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@Joe_5859 I agree about contacting her own priest and following his advice. I would make that appointment as soon as possible. I disagree with contacting the RCIA director or priest of the other parish on her own without the advice of her priest.
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First of all, this is terrible and I am so sorry for you 😦 . I agree with the fact that you should talk with a priest.
 
Horton said:
I disagree with contacting the RCIA director or priest of the other parish on her own without the advice of her priest.
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Fair enough. It is something that—assuming this is new information to the other parish—would probably be better coming from the OP’s pastor rather than the OP.
 
I’d call the parish that is delivering the RCIA course. It certainly wouldn’t hurt. He is your husband after all and you have every right to do that.

She doesn’t need the advice of a priest to take action. I’d be making it as difficult as possible to conduct their adulterous relationship and also fool the Church.
 
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This is probably not helpful. But.

I’d just haul kids and self to these RCIA meetings and sit alongside him. Introduce yourself to everyone as his wife? But say nothing to him or her. Cause no trouble? Make no bother.

Let him do all the mumbling.

But then I’m sort of a bit of a scrapper. So honestly I’ll admit upfront this might not be the best for you on any level.

Peace glxy. I hope you get some justice in the end. I mean seriously.
 
Trident_H said:
This is probably not helpful. But.

I’d just haul kids and self to these RCIA meetings and sit alongside him. Introduce yourself to everyone as his wife? But say nothing to him or her. Cause no trouble? Make no bother.

Let him do all the mumbling.

But then I’m sort of a bit of a scrapper. So honestly I’ll admit upfront this might not be the best for you on any level.

Peace glxy. I hope you get some justice in the end. I mean seriously.
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Yeah I think that’d be something I could do in this situation. I would just be determined to not allow them to fool the other people and have them thinking they’re these great aspiring Catholics.
 
AdamP88 said:
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Trident_H:
This is probably not helpful. But.

I’d just haul kids and self to these RCIA meetings and sit alongside him. Introduce yourself to everyone as his wife? But say nothing to him or her. Cause no trouble? Make no bother.

Let him do all the mumbling.

But then I’m sort of a bit of a scrapper. So honestly I’ll admit upfront this might not be the best for you on any level.

Peace glxy. I hope you get some justice in the end. I mean seriously.
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Yeah I think that’d be something I could do in this situation. I would just be determined to not allow them to fool the other people and have them thinking they’re these great aspiring Catholics.
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But please remember this is a process of conversion of heart. Have some belief that it’s sincere.
 
A man who will cheat on his wife will lie to an RCIA team. This is brazen behavior.
 
Well, I am sure the OP thought he was sincere when they married. Her husband’s word doesn’t count for much these days.
 
Ultimately he can lie to his wife but not to God. I guess I’m hoping this will be the thing that changes him so he’s reminded of the vows he made and will live up to them. Maybe you should just call me Pollyanna!
 
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