Husband remaing Protestant

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TLEtweety

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I am converting to Catholicism (starting classes in Sept, can’t wait, can’t wait, can’t wait :)), but am currently attending Mass and other weekly events, taking part in everything I can take part in. God has led me every step of the way to the Church and I am so excited, however, my husband isn’t. When I first told him, he really freaked out, like threatened seperation if I became a Catholic.

Several months before this we left our church (non denom) that we had been attending for 6 yrs (we even taught sunday school there) and went to a smaller church (free methodist). We left the previous church because I got tired of the harsh judgement on those who didn’t go there and on the catholic church. The new church we were going to was really good. I decided to start studying church history, which of course led me to study catholicism.

Anyway, when he found out that I wanted to become a Catholic, we struggled for several weeks constantly arguing over the Catholic church (he believed what previous pastor had taught). Anwyay, I started going to Mass and he was still attending the new church. Since then we have had some really good discussions, and I think he is a little more understanding, but I’m not really sure. He has never been a real study person, I love theology and studying every part of doctrine and he kind of blames me for wanting to know everything. He keeps aksing why I can’t just have “faith” like him. He isn’t very excited to even go to church anymore because he hates the idea of us going to seperate churches. He also says that now I have brought him to question things, since I couldn’t just believe and had to dig deeper I have now caused him to question what to believe (which I don’t think is a bad thing). I told him I just couldn’t attend a protestant church anymore.

I read him pieces of Kimberly Hahns view point, which really helped him to not feel so alone, but he knew she converted and he was like, that’s not ever going to happen, so its not the same.

Anyway, I guess I was just wondering if anyone has gone through anything like this, and how did you cope? I am trying to be understanding and patient, its just so frustrating when I know in my heart that God has led me to the Catholic Church and those around me think I’ve been “misled” and it’s not from God.

Thanks for any advice.
 
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TLEtweety:
He keeps aksing why I can’t just have “faith” like him.
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Ask him what the foundation of faith is. I’d love to hear that answer.

If simple faith is the answer, it seems that the luck of being born into a Christian family (I’m assuming) is the only reason he is not a Mormon, Buddhist, or Hindu.

I think truth is the foundation of faith. Faith is based on reason. The story of Thomas is not an lesson in blind faith. Thomas had spent years with Jesus. Based on his witnessing all the miracle Jesus performed, he should have had faith that Jesus had risen.
 
Ask him to read the beginning of the Book of James. It’ll put the “should we question?” arguement to rest.
 
I haven’t experienced the same thing but my husband is protestant and pretty much really doesn’t want to hear anything about Catholic doctrine.

The best thing that you could do is be patient - don’t brow-beat him with it. Let it sink in, let him see your enthusiasm. He may or may not come around but from what you’ve said in your post, I think it’s likely that he will eventually come to see what you’ve seen. It’s just too much for him to take in right now. You’ve planted the seed, now let the Holy Spirit do the rest. You know better than any of us when to approach him with the “new stuff” you’re learning.

I know how excited you are right now. I am not a convert but I guess you could call me a re-vert and when I came back, I came back with a vengence! I read anything I can get my hands on, I find our Catholic faith facinating and full of discovery and above all else I wish I could share it with my husband. Sometimes I can but more often I know I cannot.

So hang in there, you have a shot at getting him over to the truth - just be real patient and pray, pray, pray - God will do the rest!
 
Hi!

Continue on your journey, have faith in your husband (let him know that you do), and put your trust in God.

That’s all I’ve got! I’m a revert of a few months, and so is my sister in Christ (with only a few months between us), so I sympathize with your position.

Praying!
lovetony
 
Hi,

My situation is a bit different. Over 20 years ago I returned to the Catholic Church which did not make my Baptist husband very happy but he accepted it. Since then, I’ve attended Mass Saturday nights so I could attend with him on Sundays because I know how important it is for him that we go as a family. In all these years he is still totally opposed to attending Mass with me. Some prejudices are so hard to overcome. You should find it very encouraging in that your husband will have discussions with you. Keep those lines of communication going. I think my mistake over the years is that I’ve been too accomodating of what makes him uncomfortable and in some ways have been an “undercover Catholic”, such as not making the Sign of the Cross in front of him when I pray and not displaying Catholic items like a Crucifix or picture of Mary on the wall. I do now but at the time, he didn’t like it much. I have a feeling your husband will come around in time as he discovers how much your faith means to you. Just continue to pray for him and I’ll keep you both in my prayers too.
 
I went through pretty much the same thing for about six months on my journey back to the Church.

The biggest mistake you can do is not share what you are learning or your enthusiasm. Or on the other hand force him to listen.

If you force it on him, he will not listen.

If you never share it with him, he will retain his bias and possibly never know.

Declare a truce and allow him to investigate the faith with you. Say I don’t want to force you to convert but I want to share what I am learning with you so you know I am following Jesus in this and not just a blind faith.

I ended up instead of researching everything on my own, I ended up starting to watch the Journey Home on my own. I told my wife I was watching it and eventually curiosity got the better of her and she started to watch it with me. At first she barely could believe anyone would convert to Catholicism but this was one important step in the right direction, from suspicion and hurt to a more accepting attitude.

God Bless
Scylla
 
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TLEtweety:
I love theology and studying every part of doctrine and he kind of blames me for wanting to know everything. He keeps aksing why I can’t just have “faith” like him.
Click to expand...
I wonder if he’s ever thought of what the term Protestant means. If Luther had just had “faith” like your husband, he would have docilely accepted everything taught to him by the Church. And what could ever be wiser than submitting to the Church? After all, the Church is the pillar and foundation of all truth (1 Tim 3:15).
 
Very first thing: Pray! Pray regularly for him. Every single day. Every single night. Don’t tell him you are praying for him --(about becoming Catholic anyway)–just keep praying. Personally, I wouldn’t ask others to pray for him in this regard because almost inevitably the person will end up blurting “Mike, we’re praying for you to become Catholic you know. Janice asked us to.” And he’ll feel pressure. One loving wife’s sincere prayers for her husband should be sufficient.

Remember one thing: It is not your job to convince him of anything. Do not try to talk him into anything. He has faith in God–just not faith in the Church. That’s enough for now. Share everything that you’re going through, even the doubts and hard questions. Share your faith and findings anytime, anyplace the subject comes up but don’t do a sales pitch whenever the subject comes up. He will ask questions. Be as prepared as you can beforehand, but admit when you don’t know the answer about something.

As DianJo said, patience is the key. I agree with Scylla–Whatever you do, don’t shut him out of your wonderful experiences, even to save arguments. You’ll just grow apart.

I’ve seen situations like this and sometimes when the husband finally converts he is even more gung-ho than the wife. God bless and BTW—**Congratulations on your decision!!! **
I sincerely hope and pray that your parish has a good RCIA program. Some are great, some are junk. It is a true Catholic embarrassment, I’m afraid.
 
Your story sounds very similar to mine. We have four small kids, so I make a point to go to Mass on Saturday night, or another time that allows me to go to the Protestant church w/ my husband. I still want to encourage him as the spiritual head of our family, even though he has been very angry at God because of my conversion.

I offer up every mass I attend for the conversion of my husband and children. A scripture verse that really has helped me is I Peter 3:1, “Wives, be submissive to your husbands so that,* if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives*, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” God Bless.
 
Just be patient with him. Let him “see” what Catholicism is doing for you. Let him share the benefit of your faith. Give it time. Remember that St. Monica had to pray for twenty years for her son to be saved from his hedonistic lifestyle and come to the Lord.

Her son also became a saint. His name was Augustine.

Thal59
 
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TLEtweety:
I am converting to Catholicism (starting classes in Sept, can’t wait, can’t wait, can’t wait :)), but am currently attending Mass and other weekly events, taking part in everything I can take part in. God has led me every step of the way to the Church and I am so excited, however, my husband isn’t. When I first told him, he really freaked out, like threatened seperation if I became a Catholic.

Several months before this we left our church (non denom) that we had been attending for 6 yrs (we even taught sunday school there) and went to a smaller church (free methodist). We left the previous church because I got tired of the harsh judgement on those who didn’t go there and on the catholic church. The new church we were going to was really good. I decided to start studying church history, which of course led me to study catholicism.

Anyway, when he found out that I wanted to become a Catholic, we struggled for several weeks constantly arguing over the Catholic church (he believed what previous pastor had taught). Anwyay, I started going to Mass and he was still attending the new church. Since then we have had some really good discussions, and I think he is a little more understanding, but I’m not really sure. He has never been a real study person, I love theology and studying every part of doctrine and he kind of blames me for wanting to know everything. He keeps aksing why I can’t just have “faith” like him. He isn’t very excited to even go to church anymore because he hates the idea of us going to seperate churches. He also says that now I have brought him to question things, since I couldn’t just believe and had to dig deeper I have now caused him to question what to believe (which I don’t think is a bad thing). I told him I just couldn’t attend a protestant church anymore.

I read him pieces of Kimberly Hahns view point, which really helped him to not feel so alone, but he knew she converted and he was like, that’s not ever going to happen, so its not the same.

Anyway, I guess I was just wondering if anyone has gone through anything like this, and how did you cope? I am trying to be understanding and patient, its just so frustrating when I know in my heart that God has led me to the Catholic Church and those around me think I’ve been “misled” and it’s not from God.

Thanks for any advice.
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I urge you to contact the Coming Home Netword with your issues and questions. The purpose of The Coming Home Network International (CHNetwork) is to provide fellowship, encouragement and support for pastors and laymen of other traditions (Protestant, Orthodox, etc…) who are somewhere along the journey or have already converted to the Catholic Church. The CHNetwork is committed to assisting and standing beside all inquirers, serving as a friend and an advocate.

The CHNetwork is operated by many staff members who are themselves converts, and would be happy to discuss any theological questions you might have. We want to help you learn more about the Catholic Church, and help you discover the wonderful treasures that it contains.

Here is their contact information:
The Coming Home Network International
P.O. Box 8290, Zanesville, OH 43702

Telephone
(800) 664-5110
(740) 450-1175

Fax (740) 450-7168

Web address:
chnetwork.org/

Electronic mail:
info@chnetwork.org

Yours in Christ
 
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