Husband works with a man who swears all the time

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Marilena

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I spoke to my husband on his lunch break yesterday, and a man he works with walked into his office and started swearing about their boss. I was floored when I heard it ! My husband shrugs it off like it
it is common place for that to happen. It might well be the case, but
this man is rude! four letter this, and four letter that! My husband
never says anything to him, even though he doesn’t like hearing it.
I thought it was absolutely direspectful of this man to walk into my
husbands office and start the four letter thingy! The other day, when the guys were shutting down for the day, and all was done, Frank called me on the cell phone, ( Frank is hubby) and told me he was heading out and would be home soon. This man he works with screamed at the top of his lungs" get the (four letter word) off the phone!" This man is not a foreman, and he has no higher status
than Frank does. Yet, after work, he orders my man around like
he is a dog, and barks at him to shut his own phone off!! How rude! Frank again stayed quiet, and never said a thing to him, as is his right. Iam just wondering if I should ask my husband if I can talk to this guy and ask him to treat Frank with more respect. I cannot handle him talking down to my man like that. I almost
blew a cork yesterday! Any advice as to how to handle it? Should
I just stay out of it altogether? When Frank doesn’t say anything,
this guy just keeps on swearing and barking orders off at him, which is NOT his place to do so. Frank doesn’t want to make waves, and neither do I. So, do I just sit back and let it blow over?
Likely I guess. Jobs are very hard to come by when your in your 40’s!
 
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Marilena:
Iam just wondering if I should ask my husband if I can talk to this guy and ask him to treat Frank with more respect. I cannot handle him talking down to my man like that. I almost
blew a cork yesterday! Any advice as to how to handle it? Should
I just stay out of it altogether?
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Stay out of it!! Can you imagine the flack Frank would get if his wife walked into his workplace and starting telling his coworkers how to treat him?!? Yikes! Frank would NEVER live that down!

I’m sure Frank is a big boy and can handle it if he wants to.
 
Oh no, I would never walk into his work place! No way! I want to say something, but I don’t think so now! Oh yes, he is a big man, and he does handle it his way 🙂 It only irritates me when people disrespect
him. I guess I just needed to vent it. sorry 🙂
 
Does you dh and this other man have a boss/supervisor? Why doesn’t he go to him to complain. After all, it’s against the law for any company to maintain a hostile work environment, or doesn’t his company know that?
 
Frank never goes to his boss and says so and so is being rude.
It isn’t his style. He lets the guy vent all the time. Frank never
swears and never talks down to people at all. No matter how much he doesn’t like the guy treating him rottenly. Yes, I assume there
are laws about work ethics. But no one goes to the boss and says
anything. Frank especially doesn’t say anything because he was
lucky to get the job being in his 40’s. Besides, as I stated earlier,
it isn’t his style to make waves. He is very self disciplined and not
inclined to anger or retaliation. He lets it blow right off his back, and he rarely rarely get cranky. When he does, he frowns, and that is
the extent of it. When he frowns, no one bothers him.
 
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Marilena:
Frank never goes to his boss and says so and so is being rude.
It isn’t his style. He lets the guy vent all the time. Frank never
swears and never talks down to people at all. No matter how much he doesn’t like the guy treating him rottenly. Yes, I assume there
are laws about work ethics. But no one goes to the boss and says
anything. Frank especially doesn’t say anything because he was
lucky to get the job being in his 40’s. Besides, as I stated earlier,
it isn’t his style to make waves. He is very self disciplined and not
inclined to anger or retaliation. He lets it blow right off his back, and he rarely rarely get cranky. When he does, he frowns, and that is
the extent of it. When he frowns, no one bothers him.
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Frank sounds like a good man and is no doubt doing what he feels is right for him, but what about all the other people who have to put up with this man’s foul language and rudeness? Frank may not want to make waves for himself, but he might want to consider what this man is doing to others, as well. No one should have to put up with such behavior at the office. There are programs in place to deal with angry employees that the company can work with. All Frank has to do is suggest they get this man some help before his words become more than words and someone gets hurt.
 
Marilena,
Frank has to decide when enough is enough. I understand that you feel he deserves better and he does! But, it is up to him to work it out how he sees fit to. He is the man, to emasculate him like that at work by telling everyone not to talk to him that way would crush him. I know you know that and you were just venting, but there is something you can do at home; build him up. Tell him what a good man he is, make him feel like he is worthy of respect by respecting him. When he feels worthy, he will politely ask this guy not to talk to him like that anymore. My DH went through this with his exwife. She would call him and yell at him and blame him for everything and just generally bully him around. I could only sit back and tell him what a fine job he was doing with his daughter. He put up with it for the sake of his daughter, but then she crossed the line and told him how he felt about something…that was the end of it…he politely told her not to tell him how he was feeling and she started just screaming and ranting to which he told her if she continued, he would hang up. She continued, he hung up…He felt so much better afterwards! Even though she is now retaliating by taking him to court for more child support (not even close to the issue they were discussing) he won, because she can’t bully him around anymore. Moral of the story is, he will pick when and which battle to fight, he needs to decide when he has had enough…you just need to be there to support him.
 
Indeed, and that is very sound advice. Thank you for that. I always respect Frank, and he knows it too. I would never tell him what to do.
I don’t. I do suggest things though, and leave it up to him to take it or leave it. I was bullied myself in my former marriage, and I left partially because of that reason. I do not tell hubby what to do. Your right, Frank will deal with this in his own way. I tell him all the time how
wonderful he is, that he is a very nice man, because he is, believe me. He will eventually say something very polite to this man at work. Then Frank will ignore him. He is a master of ignoring insulting
behaviour. That is the way he was brought up. He never gets angry or retaliates by saying hurtful things. He refuses to argue with people.
When he is irritated, it usually means someone has crossed the line, and he only frowns. He will not raise his voice or argue. He frowns.
When the man frowns, people do get the drift. Even me. He has frowned at me 3 times in our 8 years together, and he is correct everytime. This man is worthy of respect and love. He gets it
from me, believe me. I will not go charging into his place of work and tell this guy off. I sit in the background and say nothing about it. Frank knows how I feel about it. He tells me that there are people who do not respect others, but simply just pray for them that they may see the light that is Jesus Christ. He is correct.
I might be upset at this man, but that does not mean Frank is.
He obviously is not. Good for him! I wish I could say the same thing about my feelings about this too! I do not go off on the hubvby about this and tell him, well, you can deal with it promptly dear, and you do not hae to put up with this! I simply tell him I do not like th eway he is being treated and hope it ends soon. Frank has acknowsledged my feelings about it, but he will deal with it or not. That is up to him.
 
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Catholic90:
Stay out of it!! Can you imagine the flack Frank would get if his wife walked into his workplace and starting telling his coworkers how to treat him?!? Yikes! Frank would NEVER live that down!

I’m sure Frank is a big boy and can handle it if he wants to.
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My sentiments exactly! There will be never-ending ridicule for your husband if you say something to this guy. To me, this is one of those situations that he has to handle himself. He will, when he’s had enough.
 
If your husband is wants to say something to the guy he’ll say it. He is a grown man let him handle it himself.
 
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Della:
Frank sounds like a good man and is no doubt doing what he feels is right for him, but what about all the other people who have to put up with this man’s foul language and rudeness? Frank may not want to make waves for himself, but he might want to consider what this man is doing to others, as well. No one should have to put up with such behavior at the office. There are programs in place to deal with angry employees that the company can work with. All Frank has to do is suggest they get this man some help before his words become more than words and someone gets hurt.
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Good advice! Your Frank sounds like he is so far above this base behaviour and is probably quite capable of shrugging it off. It is a shame, however, that the environment is so polluted by this one individual.
 
This issue goes much deeper than one person dealing with an obnoxious fellow employee. Any man who would shout obscenities at his fellow workers with no provocation and on a daily basis has got a real problem. I truly doubt this man is treating only Frank in this way. He is also treating everyone else with the same hostility and bad language.

There is a real possibility he could become even more violent. When he brings a gun to the office and starts killing people it will be too late to nip this in the bud. His bosses ought to get him into an anger management program immediately or they could find themselves with a much bigger dilemma than they already have.

No one is saying that Marilena ought TELL her husband what to do, but she has every right and the duty as a wife to let him know her concerns and to make helpful suggestions. Wives aren’t robots, after all.
 
Most people who talk the way this coworker talk don’t even realize what they are saying most of the time. The words have become part of their vocabulary and it is very hard to remove them once they have become habit.

The best way I have seen to deal with this trait in others is to quietly say a prayer for the offender whenever foul language escapes the lips. This tends to not stir up trouble, because noone else knows what is going on, but it does work on the heart of the offender, who will eventually catch himself swearing in the company of the righteous.

My husband uses this method at work (in the military) and he learned it from a friend (a carpenter/construction worker) who also uses it at work. They have both seen amazing results from their prayers.
 
Marilena,
Sounds like your DH is as wonderful as mine…yes I understand the concern too, good luck to him dealing with rude folks at work!
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Marilena:
I do suggest things though, and leave it up to him to take it or leave it.
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Very wise…you are a good wife!
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Marilena:
He has frowned at me 3 times in our 8 years together, and he is correct everytime.
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wow you and he are both saints in my book!!!

Sounds like you have an awesome marriage!!!
 
I just finished speaking to Frank about this, and according to him, the man at his work place does this as a joke, and he accepts it as such. That’s fine, so long as if I see this man, he doesn’t behave like
that around me. Frank is really marvellous for putting up with this
guy. Why did I get so lucky to marry a fine individual like him? :o
 
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Marilena:
I just finished speaking to Frank about this, and according to him, the man at his work place does this as a joke, and he accepts it as such. That’s fine, so long as if I see this man, he doesn’t behave like
that around me. Frank is really marvellous for putting up with this
guy. Why did I get so lucky to marry a fine individual like him? :o
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Thanks for the update. Although, like you, I see nothing funny about this man behaving in this way, especially when you were there. I guess the days of a man holding his raw tongue in the presence of a lady has gone by. Thank you arch-liberal feminists for that little delight! :mad: At least no one is in danger, then, thanks be! But really, it isn’t funny and shouldn’t have to be put up with, IMHO.
 
Iam not even going to bother asking my husband if the man was rude today. Simply gave up on it. So long as this man is not rude around me, it’ll blow over.
 
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