I want to find a woman like Mary?

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Carlj1497

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Ok, this might sound weird (especially coming from a non Catholic), but I’d really like to find a girlfriend (and potential wife) similar to Mary. Someone who is spiritually beautiful, has God as the most important thing in their lives, someone who is nice and caring. I want someone pure, not someone who has slept around. Is this odd? Since I was about 14, Mary has been like a Mother to me, so it’s only natural I want to find someone like her. Right???
 
I think that’s admirable!

Hopefully you are as wonderful as St Joseph and that you haven’t been sleeping around.👍
 
Carlj1497 said:
I want someone pure, not someone who has slept around.
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Since you’re new here, I’ll let you in on a little secret: don’t discuss wanting purity in your future spouse on CAF. Just keep it to yourself.

PS. I’d create a new account and start over.
 
Carlj1497 said:
Ok, this might sound weird (especially coming from a non Catholic), but I’d really like to find a girlfriend (and potential wife) similar to Mary. Someone who is spiritually beautiful, has God as the most important thing in their lives, someone who is nice and caring. I want someone pure, not someone who has slept around. Is this odd? Since I was about 14, Mary has been like a Mother to me, so it’s only natural I want to find someone like her. Right???
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Not at all. 🙂

I would caution against completely discounting someone who made a mistake in the past but has since repented and changed their ways, but it is certainly an admiral thing to desire. 🙂
 
When you want to have something happen in your life the very best thing you can do is pray for that thing to be part of God’s plan for you. God will take care of you, have faith and be patient:thumbsup:
 
thewanderer said:
I would caution against completely discounting someone who made a mistake in the past but has since repented and changed their ways,
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As opposed to partially discounting?

I just love these responses. “Yes, it’s okay to want that but no it’s not.”
 
Carlj1497 said:
Ok, this might sound weird (especially coming from a non Catholic), but I’d really like to find a girlfriend (and potential wife) similar to Mary. Someone who is spiritually beautiful, has God as the most important thing in their lives, someone who is nice and caring. I want someone pure, not someone who has slept around. Is this odd? Since I was about 14, Mary has been like a Mother to me, so it’s only natural I want to find someone like her. Right???
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That’s a noble and idealistic wish, but “idealistic” is the key word here. 😃

It’s true that our Blessed Mother is a model for all of us, especially for Catholic women.

But there’s a lovely phrase I came across somewhere: though many of us want to find the “right person”, sometimes it’s equally or more important to be the right person, first. So, as Horselover above me said, take St Joseph (or your favourite saint) as your model, pray, and hope. You’ll find that there’s someone out there for you, even if she isn’t quite what you imagined. 👍
 
Carlj1497 said:
Ok, this might sound weird (especially coming from a non Catholic), but I’d really like to find a girlfriend (and potential wife) similar to Mary. Someone who is spiritually beautiful, has God as the most important thing in their lives, someone who is nice and caring. I want someone pure, not someone who has slept around. Is this odd? Since I was about 14, Mary has been like a Mother to me, so it’s only natural I want to find someone like her. Right???
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Aww. Haha, no that’s not odd. I think most guys want that. 😛 Just remember that you should be like St. Joseph and be worthy of her. 😉 Pray for us, Holy Mother of God that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.
 
Chevaleresse said:
As opposed to partially discounting?

I just love these responses. “Yes, it’s okay to want that but no it’s not.”
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How in the world is that anywhere close to what I said?

My point is that since there are people who refuse to even consider someone unless they have never made a mistake who later go on to regret it I think it iss important to be at least willing to consider your own desire for someone who is a virgin and try to help figure out which you would regret more, marrying a non-virgin or not marrying at all because there is a possibility that one of those will happen and its important to think carefully when making such decisions so that you don’t end up with a lot of regret.

I am not saying that the desire for a pure spouse is problematic at all. It is a very very good thing, its just that sometimes people were impure in the past but have since *become *pure. Sometimes discounting such people completely ends up leaving people with regret. This is something that the OP should be aware of so that he can come to his own decision as to which he would regret more. 🤷
 
“My point is that since there are people who refuse to even consider someone unless they have never made a mistake who later go on to regret it I think it iss important to be at least willing to consider your own desire for someone who is a virgin and try to help figure out which you would regret more, marrying a non-virgin or not marrying at all because there is a possibility that one of those will happen and its important to think carefully when making such decisions so that you don’t end up with a lot of regret.”
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It’s important also for him to realize that once he marries someone, he must not have further issues with her past (should she have one). Once you’re married, you’re married. If don’t marry them, obviously you can find someone else. If he can deal with her past, great, marry her. If he can’t, the “maybe I’ll regret not marrying them” feeling crops up and you risk problems in marriage. There’s very little leeway for regret in marriage.
 
Chevaleresse said:
It’s important also for him to realize that once he marries someone, he must not have further issues with her past (should she have one). Once you’re married, you’re married. If don’t marry them, obviously you can find someone else. If he can deal with her past, great, marry her. If he can’t, the “maybe I’ll regret not marrying them” feeling crops up and you risk problems in marriage. There’s very little leeway for regret in marriage.
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I agree entirely. 🙂 Which is why I only put this foward as a caution, something for him to think about. You don’t want to have him end up regretting his decision whichever way he goes. 👍
 
If you can get hold of a copy, there is a 1950s book by a priest called Leo Kinsella, called ‘The Wife Desired’, which is a book for young women, explaining what makes a good wife. I found my copy when an elderly relative died and the house was cleared. It’s a bit old-fashioned looking and some of the text might not find favour with the PC-lobby, but it’s all solid, sensible stuff. Anyway, the thing is, Fr. Kinsella actually compares the idea wife with Mary…

…and then, you will be please to know, he wrote another book, specifically for husbands and called “The Man for Her” - which is a guide for me as to what makes a good husband.

They are both only small books, but they are packed full of common sense and sound advice and all within a Christian context.
 
I think everyone does that, especially when they’re young. They think of the most perfect person they can and then realize it would be great to marry and have a family with someone like that. For me it was Tom Hanks. (Don’t laugh, I’ll explain). I grew up without a father and as a kid I loved his movies, and in them he always played a strong, funny, smart, committed man. (I actually didn’t see his silly movies until I was an adult). At one point when I was really young I even asked my mom if she could marry him for us. She assured me that if Tom Hanks was half the man in real life that he was in movies she would love to give it a shot, but unfortunately she would never meet him. As a teen I started thinking “I want to marry someone like that” when I would see his movies.

I understand that he’s not immaculately conceived or a parent of god, but he represented what I wanted in my own family, and he demonstrated what as a child I knew was missing. As I got older and started looking to the future he came to be what I wanted to give my own kids as a father, and who I wanted by my side as a husband.

I eventually did find a funny, smart, committed, and strong man with a bigger heart than anyone I’ve ever known. But unlike a movie star he doesn’t have writers going over his every line, he doesn’t get multiple takes to get every word and expression just right, but he doesn’t have a fiance who does either. I had an ideal in my head my entire life, and because I was able to understand that real people aren’t like that I let my ideal guide me, but I made room for human nature and reality.

Look to her as what you want, but always keep in mind that while you may meet a wonderful woman there is no way that she could ever compare to a perfect religious figure. Make allowances for imperfections, it really is the only way.

******DISCLAIMER: There were some Hanks roles that even as a child did not make me want a father like the character. But my mom was a Hanks fanatic so I was exposed to him more than any other entertainer and there were enough roles that did make him look like he’d be a good dad that that’s where my mind went. I promise this was not meant to be creepy.
 
:thumbsup:Great post!

I’ve finally found someone who represents everything that I aspire to be and everything I have always wanted in a man…but finding the right one can also be like reading a favourite novel and idolising the leading man / lady.

When you actually meet someone who has all those qualities, you can throw yourself off the trail by thinking “I never thought he / she would look like THAT!”

😃 I’m not suggesting here you spend your days walking round looking for ladies wearing blue and white robes - but just remember the best definition of a saint I’ve heard…

Saints are ordinary people, doing ordinary things, extraordinarily well.

Your Mary could be anywhere and she needn’t look anything like the image you have in your head.
 
Carlj1497 said:
Ok, this might sound weird (especially coming from a non Catholic), but I’d really like to find a girlfriend (and potential wife) similar to Mary. Someone who is spiritually beautiful, has God as the most important thing in their lives, someone who is nice and caring. I want someone pure, not someone who has slept around. Is this odd? Since I was about 14, Mary has been like a Mother to me, so it’s only natural I want to find someone like her. Right???
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I think it’s cool that you see Mary as an icon of womanhood/femininity given that you are a nondenominational Christian. As a convert, I am just now coming into the fullness of the truth about Mary.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a woman who models herself after Mary, but remember that there will never be another Mary. You should also be modeling yourself after Christ and St. Joseph (as the future spiritual head of your family). Wanting purity in a future spouse is noble and although it’s hard, it isn’t impossible. In the past, I never imagined I would meet/marry a man who was a virgin. I just didn’t think that was possible. Now, I know there are men like that out there. However, even if he has fallen in this area before, I would not write him off. Hopefully, you would not automatically write off someone who many have fallen too. I’ve been thinking a lot about purity lately, praying for my own and my future spouse.
 
There is an old saying: Don’t marry for money. Hang around rich people and marry for love.

Seriously, though, it is not odd whatsoever to want a wife who has Mary as her model! Many men would not be so brave, to tell the truth. You see, to be chosen as wife for a woman who models herself on Mary, God will need to make you into another Joseph: not just upright and pure, but generous of heart and trusting in Providence. When Mary saw what God wanted of her, she did not just say “let it be done.” She “went out in haste” to do what she saw she ought to do. You have to be willing to be the subject of rash judgment, to go places you are not ready to go, to have a wife who will push you to look for acts of charity, and to hasten to do them…and perhaps to have a son who “disappears into Jerusalem” for three days at age 13!

Tradition has it, however, that although St. Joseph is the Guardian of Virgins, he was not a virgin himself when he married Mary. According to tradition (small “t”–this is not dogma!) he was a widower before he married Our Lady. That doesn’t mean that you and your “Mary” might not meet and marry when you are quite young, but only that you really do have to be ready for whatever God asks of you. To those to whom much is given, much is required. None of the saints, though, is in Heaven wishing God had given them less ways or easier ways to give him glory. In the big picture, then, you are on exactly the right track. Be willing to let God make you into another Joseph, and see what God has in store. I am sure it will be beautiful, indeed! 👍
 
Carlj1497 said:
Ok, this might sound weird (especially coming from a non Catholic), but I’d really like to find a girlfriend (and potential wife) similar to Mary. Someone who is spiritually beautiful, has God as the most important thing in their lives, someone who is nice and caring. I want someone pure, not someone who has slept around. Is this odd? Since I was about 14, Mary has been like a Mother to me, so it’s only natural I want to find someone like her. Right???
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Are you a man like Joseph? :confused:
 
Carlj1497 said:
Ok, this might sound weird (especially coming from a non Catholic), but I’d really like to find a girlfriend (and potential wife) similar to Mary. Someone who is spiritually beautiful, has God as the most important thing in their lives, someone who is nice and caring. I want someone pure, not someone who has slept around. Is this odd? Since I was about 14, Mary has been like a Mother to me, so it’s only natural I want to find someone like her. Right???
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It would be tough to find such a person here nowadays. Now, you just might find a repentent sinner who has been made clean in the Lord. Wouldn’t she be good enough?
 
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