Is hiding a relationship from my a parents bad?

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Earthlingest

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Hello,
I have 17 years and so does my girlfriend and we’ve been together for nearly one year but the problem is that her parents don’t want her to be in a relationship. So, is it bad for us to be still together without them to know? Help us please ; we’re so lost right now.
Thanks
 
Earthlingest said:
Hello,

I have 17 years and so does my girlfriend and we’ve been together for nearly one year but the problem is that her parents don’t want her to be in a relationship. So, is it bad for us to be still together without them to know? Help us please ; we’re so lost right now.

Thanks
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17 is very young to be in an exclusive relationship. She should not be hiding that from her parents. That’s showing disrespect for them, for one thing. And she probably has to lie to them to hide it, which is also wrong.
Deception is not a good basis for any relationship.
 
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It’s bad to be encouraging a girl to sneak around against her parents’ wishes.

You’d be best off just ending things with this girl until she reaches the age of majority (18 in USA) and then if you still want to see each other as adults, you can do so. Hopefully by then she will also have moved out of her parents’ house.

Many parents do object to relationships under age 18 because they are concerned that their children are too young for the commitment and may engage in sex.
 
Unless her name is Juliet, yes, it is wrong to deceive her parents.
 
Her parents sound oppressive. It’s nice that they’re protective but not to the extent where they forbid relationships.

The choice is between you and your girlfriend.
I’ve had relationships that I’ve hidden from my parents because they’d disapprove. I decided for myself: It’s my life, ergo my choice. Even though I respect my parents, they can be a little overprotective. It sounds like your girlfriend is in a similar position.
 
I’d bring it out into the open whether the parents like it or not. No need to hide in the shadows. You’ll be making lots of decisions soon enough for yourself anyway and mom and dad may not always agree. That’s part of becoming an adult and taking charge of your own life. Many blessings!
 
If you and your girlfriend have already been seeing each other for almost one year, why the sudden sense of being lost? And who are you hiding the relationship from…your parents, her parents, or both?

Forum rules state that we cannot give a legal minor advice that goes against their parent’s or guardian’s wishes.
 
I had a habit of hiding relationships from my parents. They weren’t the usual ones but I hid anyway.

It was terrible. The fear of my parents finding them out and the low quality of the relationships caused me a lot of suffering. My body could not react to the stress properly after a while. So, there would be a lot of weird things my body and my mind would get.

In the end, the relationships all failed.

I have lost a lot of trust in people also and my parents lost a lot of their trust in me.

It is very sad, the way things turned out to be. I wished I had a friend then to tell me that it isn’t right to hide relationships.

But on the hindsight, I did have a friend who was there with me all the time but I never got the courage to tell him my situations and problems.

Thankfully, I am now building my faith and trust in Christ and in other people!
 
When you are an adult, your relationships will be your business to disclose to whomever you want. When you are still young enough that your parents have the authority to limit your social circle and social events, you have to openly advocate for what you want with them. They have their duty towards you and it is not for you to circumvent their ability to do it.

Yes, it is wrong to help someone else lie to her parents by omission. You aren’t lost. You’re just doing the wrong thing and yet have grown attached to doing it. You need to let go of helping her to deceive her parents.

Liking you isn’t the deception. Spending time together in ways they have forbidden her to do is the deception.
 
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My parents already know and they approved. My mum likes her very much. We are “hiding” from her parents. But still we don’t do such things to attract us problems .
 
If she’s a minor we cannot advise going against her parent’s wishes.
 
I don’t even force her to choose between me or her parents. Instead I wanted from the beginning itself to tell them but by the she relates to me how her parents are a bit overprotective we decided to let things go and “wait for a right time” to finally let them know. Moreover she is a good girl and we don’t even have our minds on having sex at our young age even we don’t even hold hands in public we can just say that we are together supporting each other at any time and physical attraction isn’t an “objective” for us at the time being.
 
The thing is that she does not have enough character to do this. And even I don’t want her to go against her parents ; I don’t want to someone to be responsible “divising” her from her parents.
 
But may be you all are right. We shall as from now on suspend our relationship. It is a very very tough decision but after all that I’ve read I “understand” it more. Moreover there are only months before we both turn 18 and as from then we shall decide what to do and I hope that it will be like day 1 (from last year 😅) so thank you all for the advices.
 
I believe you’ve made an excellent choice!! I’ll just raise another point. If your girlfriend is willing to hide something from her parents now, would she be willing to hide something from her future husband later on? It’s important to learn to follow the rules while growing up so that following the rules is easy as an adult. Take care and good luck!!
 
Normally when this situation happens, things start crumbling down. Leading to a breakdown in the relationship.
I say this because I have seen it with my class mates.
And besides the question is are you considering the possibility marriage? Do you have a plan and goals to complete it? Usually a relationship should not last longer than 2 years because of the potential risks at the same tine you do not want to rush it too.

Look go to your spiritual father, a catholic priest, explain him everything but only with the truth, because if you do not then you commit sacrilege which is another level of sin worse than mortal sin, you do not want to go on that path. I am not saying you are, I am just saying that you want to tell him the whole truth.

Once you do that follow his advice and heed to it.
You should be the man and talk to her parents let her know you want to ask her parents.

Whatever happens she must say the truth. You as the man and leader must tell her that she has to tell her parents only the truth. If you truely love her you want the best for her and if you are condering future posibility of marriage it best if you tell them.
In case your parents do not know they also need to know even though you are 17.

Now if you cannot marry her within the next 2 years then why go out and play with fire?
Wait till you have the ability to marry her.
In high school even though most of my friends had girlfriends I did not see the point of me having one although I did have a desire so instead what I did was pray for her for all this time. I am now 27 and now have my first official girlfriend who I am considering marriage.

And of course hiding your relationship is bad.
You have to tell them. It is going to break their hearts that you hid it.
But precisely because you love your girlfriend and want her to be truely part of you and your family you must tell your parents, otherwise matters will get worse and then they blame the girl etc etc and it gets to a very deep mess.
I mean you are already into trouble but it still can get fixed by telling them the truth.

If you do not know how to tell them nor how to approach it tell it to your priest. Tell him you want to have spiritual guiadance.
You can also ask Our Lord throught he priest in confession whether it is bad.
He will tell you but be extremely transparent and honest, remember you are speaking to our Lord in spiritual direction or confession on that moment. That is who the priest represents.

Right now things for me and my girlfriend is going smooth and it is all due to Our Lady in the Holy Rosary and God.
Our Lady will guide you and help you make the right things.
Take her to places in places where it is healthy spiritually for you and her.
Please follow whatever your priest says.
And remember honor your familys name if it were not for your parents love you would have not have existed.
If you tuely love her make sure she is ready for heaven at any moment by your actions. You are the elader do not spoil it more than what it already is.
 
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Eliazer said:
And besides the question is are you considering the possibility marriage? Do you have a plan and goals to complete it? Usually a relationship should not last longer than 2 years because of the potential risks at the same tine you do not want to rush it too.
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With all due respect, the guy is 17. Not all cultures get married that young.

If they are staying chaste then it’s really their business how long a relationship might last.
 
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My point is of they are dating/courting it is with the intent of seeking for someone to marry otherwise there is no point in dating instead they should be friends or special friends and lead a chaste life.

I am not saying they have not been chaste.
But I just mentioened some good pointers to consider the dignity of themselves.

Usually when someone does not ask the parents it is up to no good and I can tell you that due to what I have witnessed in high school that is why I tended to keep myself most of the time.

Yes it is their busines how long they will last you are right not mine, which that is not what I am telling them.
But their main objective is if they are dating they should persue it with the intent of a possibility of getting married and while they date and know each other they should know whether they want this person for life. It is not a garantee for them unless if the gentleman states so. But at least that should be the intent.

Due to not having serious relationships iy is why we have so many problems nowadays. Unfortunately especially my generation the millenials.

They keep all kinds of secrets from their parents is up to no good in general.
In general if when confronted to speak for the truth and the ypung people deny and get aggresive aboit it os a red flag. but not all millenials are like that there is also people of good intent too.
My main message was if they persue a one on one serious relationship they should have in the back of their mind that they are seeking for someone to marry.
And also to keep chaste. If they already are good if not then its their business but at least they themselves will consider all factors of what is essential to go to heaven
A relationship is to help save each other and to eansure one another is getting to heaven if not then there is no point on continuing. Because love is the key and love wants what is best for each others soul.
If they love each other and want to get to heaven they will help each other.

If they are not ready for a commitment then they should not be dating onstead they should be only friends/bestfriends/special friends. Till they are able to make a serious commitment.
Now of they have no intent they can have as many friends and know many personalities. But of they want to have a serious relationship then they need to consider if it is a posibility.
Our Lady will help them through the rosary show them the right way.

Moral liberalism is a desease.
We need to bring back moral conservatism.
I am not talking politics here I am only speaking morals.

To casually date with no purpose of seeking for someone for marriage it is absolutely absurd woth all due respect.
Now when someone has the intention to marry it does not mean it is the first person they see they have to have a set of essential qualities they truely cant live with and they they start finding that person.
 
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