I've ruined my love

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jasonmmorales22

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Hello everyone,

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve ruined the strongest relationship I’ve ever experienced. She was my first love and brought me to the Catholic Church. I was baptized a catholic this past Easter vigil and it’s one of the most life changing experiences I ever have experienced. I know God put her in my life for a reason because only he knows where I would be if I continued on the path I was on before we met. But I know I didn’t change enough for us in the 3 years we were in a relationship because I continued to mess things up while she continuesally forgave me. But this past month I feel like ruined it forever and I am hurting badly because of my actions. I struggled with lust issues with other women which is why our relationship is ruined. I truly believe it started from watching pornography at such a young age. I recently went to confession for the first time since I’ve been baptized and want to continue on this path that I know is righteous. It just seems so hard when she isn’t here for me anymore. I can’t seem to find peace after all I’ve done to her even after experiencing reconciliation. I’ve been having terrible nightmares where I end up losing her or myself to demons of some sort in these dreams. I can’t help but to wake up crying horribly and finding trouble falling back to sleep after these nightmares. I want to find grace in her showing me everything she has but it doesn’t feel the same when she isn’t here and after what I’ve done. If any of you have comments, prayers, or questions for me don’t hesitate to say. I’m seeking help any way possible to make it through this and just hoping somehow we can be brought back together. I know we have a love for each other because we were both each other’s first love but it is not that same love that brought us together. I know sacrifices need to be made by me but I just can’t help the hurting in the present moment. God bless you all and I truly look forward to hearing from someone.
 
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She has decided to move on. It would be prudent of you to do the same.
 
While I have never dated (I would feel uncomfortable asking a woman out. Yes I need to get over this.) I am in the same boat as you in regards to lust.

Here’s my advice on overcoming sin and growing in faith and piety. Read the Bible at least 30 minutes every day. Ask God to help you hate sin, and to grow in faith and in resistance to sin. Avoid secular media like the plague, only view content you are 100% sure is pure such as music, and other things.

This strategy may not work for you, but it worked for me. May God bless you!
 
You’re absolutely right and if it’s meant to be it will come back to be. She’s still there for me and at times I don’t know if I’m being lead on or if she’s just being friendly. After all I’ve done, I should probably just take what I’m given and be grateful for that.
 
jasonmmorales22 said:
You’re absolutely right and if it’s meant to be it will come back to be. She’s still there for me and at times I don’t know if I’m being lead on or if she’s just being friendly. After all I’ve done, I should probably just take what I’m given and be grateful for that.
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She’s being nice. 99.9999% of the time, she’s being nice.

It’s not that she’s being generous, she’s being a nice human being. However, any hint you give that you do not understand your relationship is over, I promise that it will go south.

You need to work on yourself. Get a therapist, get right with God. Right now romance should be the farthest thing from your mind.
 
Thank you Xanthippe. That’s truly some of the best advice I’ve been given on the situation. I will work hard on that and hope I can find peace within after all that’s happened.
 
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I was once given good advice in college. We can only give ourselves to 3 major things. Once we’re past that, something looses out.

For a college student, it should be God, School, and Work (if needed) or extra curriculars. See, if one takes on a relationship, it will push out one of those 3.

As an adult, it’s much the same way. I had time for God, Work and “something else”. At times this something else was helping others. Other times it was furthering my education. Sometimes it was my pet. Quite often it was working on myself through therepy. (no shame in that!!!). Sometimes it was furthering my education.

I do not think it was any coincidence that I was in a rock-solid place emotionally, I was solid with my friends, my dog was CGC certified (canine good citizen), and I was nearly done my master’s work that I met my now husband. I could not do more than 3 things and assign value to them all. Almost no one can.

Today, my husband’s focus is God-Work-Family and my focus is God-Schooling my children/being a good wife-helping my community.

It all works out if you’re willing to put in the time.
 
It’s really hard when you feel it’s your fault for ruining something very good.
I feel for you. It tears a person up inside.
It seems that you have perhaps lost her trust, which is very difficult to regain.

The concern is that your emotions are haywire as reflected in your nightmares.
Because I’m not there and don’t know you I can’t say who to speak to, what to do, to try to get to a calmer place. Certainly, Confession on a regular basis, along with humble prayer, is important I think

You say that she is still there for you,
so I could say, please be glad for that, don’t make any demands on her, don’t expect too much.
Try not to drive yourself crazy second-guessing what she feels. You really need to respect her space, her right to be cautious and to draw back.
If you persist in reforming your behavior, and give her time you might regain her trust with time
I wish there was always a way back, but sometimes there isn’t.
I know. I have regrets where the consequences exist, and that’s that.

Now is the time to concentrate on your human and spiritual development.
Sometimes the realization of our mistakes, ill-advised or stupid or thoughtless mistakes only provide a springboard to be a better person. I know it’s easier said that done.

Prayers for you
 
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Look for some hope to Trump. Every time I think, oh now he’s done for. Stick a fork in him–he’s done. And he somehow manages to continue. He hasn’t been impeached. Seems like a cat with nine lives.

I think you need to talk some more with your former girlfriend. If you think she’s leading you on, you have to ask at that moment what she wants. I think if she loves you, she will guide you some more 'til you get things right. But if there isn’t enough love on her part to overlook your problems, you need to let her go.

How can she increase in love? Through the Eucharist. How can you increase in love? By putting your brain on straight. End pornography once and for all. Finished. Done.

You need to spend more time with older men in the Church because you sound like you need some strengthening.
 
If she has walked away and told you it’s over,then it’s game over. Ask God for forgiveness and help you through your pain, but you’ll have to get over her. My experience is once a woman decides it’s over, it is over.
 
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Whats life without a little pain, roll with the punches,time heals all wounds.
 
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