Mass-with or without your older children

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What does everyone here think about their teenagers going to different Masses than the rest of the family. I am separated from my husband, and I would like the the teens (both boys) to join their smaller siblings and me on Sundays, but they like to keep to their own schedule.
I have a GREAT relationship with them, and I have no doubts about their Mass attendance or anything. I’m just kind of curious about how other families do this.
It’s good for them to have their own faith, schedules and take it upon themselves to ensure Mass is part of their Sunday. There is also a family bonding that I think we miss out on by not going together.
 
My dad used to force me to get up around 7.30 am on Sunday for 9 am mass. As a teen it was the absolute worst. I wish I was allowed go later! Family bonding… I don’t know. I doubt the teens will experience any family bonding from going to mass they would rather not be at.
 
ShrodingersCat said:
My dad used to force me to get up around 7.30 am on Sunday for 9 am mass. As a teen it was the absolute worst. I wish I was allowed go later! Family bonding… I don’t know. I doubt the teens will experience any family bonding from going to mass they would rather not be at.
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Although I grew up in a protestant home, as a teen I was also forced to get up and go to church at an early hour - after working until 3:00 AM at a fast food restaurant. It was NOT a positive experience nor did it do anything to enhance my relationship with my parents…or God.
 
For years, my family went to 7:30 pm Saturday evening Mass. As we got older, we started getting jobs and having other activities going on, so this meant that sometimes we would go to Mass at a different time, usually at 8:00 am Sunday (or 11:00 am the next town over if we were too tired lol). It just depended on our schedules. But our “default” Mass was Saturday night with everyone else.
 
Once my daughter was old enough to drive, she was going to mass at the time she preferred. I have no problem with this. I didn’t suspect that she was skipping. She sang in the young adult choir.
 
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I cant imagine going to Mass seperate from my kids. The adult in me longs for peace and quiet but the father in me feels incomplete when we are separately worshiping. Having worked in youth ministry, I see teens seperate from families. I dont like it. I understand in the OP case it is a different dynamic though.
 
I agree with TheLittleLady. Let the teens go to the Mass they prefer.

Like it or not, part of teenage normal “development” is more openness to the influence of peers than parents. This is understandably hurtful to parents who have always had the primary influencing role in their child’s life. But it’s normal, and it’s part of a teen growing up and developing independence from their parents.

For some teens, this peer influence has terrible consequences, as they get involved with a bad crowd or individual.

But in the case of a youth group, the peer influence can be the way to keep a teen in church. When other Catholic/Christian kids are the primary influence in a teen’s life, he/she WILL go to church, read the Bible and pray, be diligent about participating in the sacraments and in church life, etc. That’s a GOOD thing, and it’s GOOD to allow the teen to be influenced for the GOOD by their godly peers!

I would suggest that you negotiate an agreement with your teen that on holidays, birthdays, and during visits by out-of-town relatives, the teen will attend Mass with and sit with their family. But on all other Sundays and obligation days, the teen will be encouraged to attend Mass with and sit with their friends.

I LOVED my daughters’ teen years! It was so good to see them growing up.
 
Once I could drive, I was allowed to go to whatever mass I wanted.

Our parish now has very limited masses, so there really isn’t a choice of when anyone is going for my “kids.”
 
I know…it feels good to have ‘the whole family’ together…

But…teenagers are starting to form their own, personal relationships with God, so, I’d allow them to attend separate masses.
 
Thanks everyone, for your thoughts. This is by no means a crisis in our home, or a cause of any type of tug-of-war, so I have no plans or desires to create friction with a hill to die on, as Little Lady said.
It’s more like what Hoosier Daddy said, it seems incomplete without them, but I know they are growing up and have to establish schedules, lives and families of their own.
Thanks all.
 
It’s actually the beginning of the separation cycle. They spent their early teen years starting to separate from us, so that when they are ready to leave the nest, we are more ready as well.
 
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Make plans for special masses, like Holy Week and Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, to go as a family.
 
I prefer going to Mass as a family. The way I see it, you go as a family until the kids are old enough to be on their own. Or they can go to a different Mass if they are staying overnight with friends who attend a later Mass.
 
In general I think it is a silly concept to have masses for people in a 7 year point in their lives. (Teen Masses) My kids would not want to go to Mass separate from the family anyway.

Ah remember the good old days when it was one Mass for everyone and people were unified in worship? Now, we have teen Masses, contemporary Masses, Masses based on music preference, Masses based on language. At my parish there is a polish Mass spanish Mass, teen Mass and basque Mass…
But no latin Mass, that’s too divisive!
 
The domestic Church should model the universal Church, don’t you think?
Worshiping as a family, united at the sacrifice at the Mass is the truest expression of our vocations as spouses and parents.
 
Yea, I don’t disagree, but we normally end up at different masses. Once kids are teenagers, and if you have younger kids, it’s just about impossible to get the Sunday schedules to coincide. You wouldn’t think so, Sunday mornings should be free for everyone, but in our family it just doesn’t work out. Kids have a job, they want to meet a friend to work on a project, a basketball/volleyball tournament. I am just thankful my kids will always get themselves to mass if they don’t go with us. Going to mass and confession is one fight we haven’t had with kids. But it’s to the point that my current senior goes so often himself, he doesn’t think twice about just wanting to sleep in and he goes later.
 
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