Moralizing weight and food

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A while back, another mom at our kids’ private catholic school made a point to tell me that I needed to wake up and realize that I would have to make an account before God for what I feed my children. She also took a stab at saying one day my kids might resent me for their weight, and that its all in my hands to make them healthy.

At first, I told her that she was mistaken to think that we are at a level of friendship where she could approach me about this, and that she should have asked permission to do so. She insisted that she only said anything because she’s so concerned and couldn’t remain silent. Specifically, concerned about my weight and my kids’ weights.

I’ve been a heavy person my whole life. Our three kids are overweight, but healthy. This mom would ask her kids after school- what my kids did at recess. And she came to the conclusion that my kids just sit on the sidelines and won’t be active and she says it because you of their weight. I’ve been a recess monitor, she never has. My kids don’t sit there and stay inactive… But based on what she sees (overweight), she assumes it’s because I feed my kids unhealthy foods. I have a lot of things I refuse to buy, and see a lot of the processed foods as non-nutritional garbage.

Now she is framing all of this as a “fraternal correction”, and she has went on to dig her heels in and say that if she had overweight kids she would admit that it was immoral not to make sure it’s fixed. I’m a nurse, with quite a bit of understanding on hormones and metabolic makeups. She says if there’s a metabolic disorder to blame, its immoral not to have specialists getting to the bottom of all this.

I’m beside myself with all of this. Can anyone help me see what is going on here?
 
Ignore her.

Tell her next time she wants to “fraternally correct” that your children’s doctor is aware of their weight, thank you.

People have some nerve sometimes.
 
I’d tell that mom not to approach me again, nor my children, or I would get the school administration involved and report her bullying behavior.
 
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kittery said:
A while back, another mom at our kids’ private catholic school made a point to tell me that I needed to wake up and realize that I would have to make an account before God for what I feed my children.
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I’d respond “The kingdom of God is not meat and drink but righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost”.

It is not a sin to be overweight unless you make a huge stretch, say a person who has no mental or emotional illness decides to become obese in an attempt to cause their health to fail (but, wouldn’t doing that be a hallmark of mental illness??)

This lady is rude, unmannered and my guess is she is very full of herself. That, or, she has some deep seated issues with her own body image and is projecting it onto you.

Pray for her, do not let her take your joy.
 
Good point, if she says this to your face, what does she say to her kids when you are not there? Speak to the school because her own kids, sadly, could feel that bullying is okay because they have learned it at home.
 
My husband said this same thing this morning! They are also bullying another mom about immodest dress right now. I know this because this mom proudly told me that she has used fraternal correction twice to address this directly and since the mom hasn’t changed the way she dresses, she is taking it to “others who have authority”. I have never noticed anything about this moms style of dress that is immodest. However, I believe that some have extreme views on modesty and this is more likely a matter of opinion and not morality.

Thank you for your response- it confirms what we are thinking, but are questioning whether it’s the right path or not.
 
Thank you for responding. It has been hard to see what might be going on here, because I’ve never experienced this kind of behavior. It’s helping me get perspective, and keeping from becoming isolated in pain where the devil can play.
 
I am strongly considering going to the school administrators. This gives me confirmation that I’m not way out of line to do so. Thank you.
 
I would be careful to characterize this as bullying. Truthfully, it is what we used to call being a butt-in-ski. She sounds like a nosey-body. There is only one way to nip that in the bud. I wouldn’t go running to anyone. I would cordially pull her to the side and look her in the eyes and tell her to stay the hell away from you and your kids. Let her know if you so much as hear she has been disparaging you or your kids to anyone, on any issue, she will be sorry she did. She is weak. She will back down and she will find someone else to pick on.

Truthfully, she sounds insecure about whatever she has going on.
 
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kittery said:
They are also bullying another mom about immodest dress right now.
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Then I would not wait for a next time. I would report this mother’s bullying to the admins now with documentation of who she is bullying and what she is saying.
 
This person is a toxic busybody. Ignore her and pray for her.
If you have a concern about food or weight for your family, speak to your doctor.

If nosey woman keeps hassling you, tell her your kids’ diet is between you and their doctor and you’re no longer going to tolerate her interference with your private family health issues. Then stop speaking to her.
 
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I would do this, while holding either a bag of cheetos and/or a Ring Ding in my hand, just to let that gnaw at her.
 
I haven’t seen any post in this thread where the OP is considering doing a “hurtful thing” back to the nosy lady, or people are recommending any “hurtful thing”.

Standing up to a person who is nosy or bullying, in an assertive manner, is not hurtful, nor is it retaliation. It is normal, healthy behavior.

My mother always said that loving your neighbor doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat. When children are involved it’s also important to protect them.

There’s an awful lot of “fat shaming” and “mommy shaming” that goes on in this society; it’s important to set a boundary when it occurs, and if reporting it would help protect some children (yours or others) report it.
 
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If you have concern about your kids weight, speak to their doctor. If this woman continues to ‘mouth off’, to you or to your children, contact the school administration.

If she calls herself your friend, she’s fantasizing! At this point, you don’t owe her a thing…she’s proved herself, time and again!

Never allow decisions concerning your children’s health to be controlled by ‘popular opinion’. Whenever there is a real concern, consult a physician. This woman seems to just like to criticize. So, let her do it…outside of your hearing zone!
 
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Usually this type of thing is rooted in the insecurity of the person causing the trouble. That doesn’t make it OK, or something that must be accepted by those on the receiving end of the bad behavior.

A bold move may be to have a conversation with her, coming from the right place, about the fact that she may wish to spend her time addressing her insecurities instead of projecting them on to others. Your mileage may vary. She may just need a friend who will tell her the truth in a charitable and loving way to get her started down a path of more healthy interactions. The pessimist in me says it is doubtful the attempt would be fruitful. But I am also the type that may try. Of course that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t let her know of the consequences if she continues, also.

@Tisbearself is right. You don’t have to be a doormat to this kind of behavior.
 
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