Moving out/living alone as a single young woman?

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abbap

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I’ve been reading The Imitation of Christ and came across a passage that states that it is better to live under obedience to a superior than to be one’s own master - how we should be willing to live under that sort of obedience to someone else, not just deal with it yet complain about it. (Thomas a Kempis:The Imitation of Christ.) -

With all of this being said (I know times have changed since The Imitation of Christ was written, but it’s still filled with good advice), lately I’ve been thinking about moving out of my parent’s home. I come from a decently large family (and get along fine with them) but to be honest, I feel I am busting out of the place. I have the funds to afford my own apartment, and after much thought, I feel I would prefer to live alone rather than with a roommate. Thing is, would this be a prudent move? I know my mom isn’t keen on the idea and would prefer me to live at home until I’m married or can save up for a house, but I’m honestly nowhere close to that point and feel if I’m waiting for something to happen before I move, I’ll be waiting for the rest of my life. I also think that moving out/trying an apartment for a year or so would be good life experience for me. And if I do decide on renting, at least it’s not a permanent move if I hate it.

At the same time I know I should be obedient to my parents…I’m just having a hard time drawing that line.

Any advice?
 
If you are an adult, you are no longer required to obey your parents. Honour them, yes, but you don’t have to make choices based on what they tell you/desire you to do.

There’s nothing wrong with living alone. If you want to do it and you can afford it, I say go for it.
 
TheLittleLady said:
I think everyone should live alone at some point before they marry.
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I completely agree. There may well be some point in your later life when you will end up living alone for a large number of reasons, including your spouse suddenly dying, and it’s a good skill to have.

I lived alone for quite some time before I was married because I had had a lot of roommate hassles in college and did not wish to repeat that experience. I liked having my own space. If you’d like to try it, go for it. If you don’t like it you can always find roommates or even move back with your parents, but in the USA at least there is no cultural expectation that unmarried women live with their parents. Frankly, it’s a bit difficult to be an adult living with parents because it’s still going to be “their house, their rules” even if you are over 18 and bringing money home from a job. And they WILL be in your business while you’re living there.
 
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abbap said:
I … feel if I’m waiting for something to happen before I move, I’ll be waiting for the rest of my life. I also think that moving out/trying an apartment for a year or so would be good life experience for me.
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Exactly, you can’t wait around for something to happen that may be many years away yet. As you and someone else in this thread mentioned, it is great life experience to be on your own for a while before marriage.

I always planned on marrying in my 20s, but for various reasons it didn’t happen until my mid-30s, and I think it would have been really depressing to be still living at home (as much as I love my parents) all those years, waiting for a man to come along.
abbap said:
And if I do decide on renting, at least it’s not a permanent move if I hate it
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True. And owning a house is not all it’s cracked up to be. It can be a good investment at some point, especially once you are ready to settle down in one area, but I would say it is better to wait and get a little more life experience before you buy a house. Renting for at least a few years would be a good way to start out on your own.
 
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Thank you everyone for your replies. They are reassuring. My follow-up question is: would you say that having that life experience of living on one’s own outweighs the amount of money spent on rent? I know I’ll be able to afford living on my own, but is it better if I just live at home and save up?
 
abbap said:
My follow-up question is: would you say that having that life experience of living on one’s own outweighs the amount of money spent on rent?
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This is of course a matter of personal opinion, but my answer would be a definite yes. It is important to keep on putting money into savings whenever you can, too; but hopefully if you have a decent job and reasonable rent, you can continue to do that, even if it as not as much as you would have been able to do living at home.

If you are in a high-rent area, you could always look for a roommate so that you could split the rent payments. Having a roommate can come with its own problems, but it can also work out well if you pick the right person. (I never had one. I almost did when I first moved out and even had started to move my things into her place, but some issues occurred, so I just found my own place, and after that, I discovered that I preferred living on my own. But everyone is different.)
 
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It’s been a while since I read it, but I doubt ‘Imitation’ meant parents when it meant superiors. Most likely, a superior if you’re in a religious order, or a spiritual director.

If you feel you need someone to give you guidance, ask your priest. If he doesn’t have the time, most likely, he can recommend someone. You’re meant to separate from your parents, at some point. It’s really not fair to them, to look to them as religious superiors.
 
For me, coming from an atheist family, living by myself gave me the opportunity to explore my spiritual side and led me to the discovery of Christianity.

Living alone was the start of a spiritual journey towards Jesus as a destination.
 
Yep there are not one size fits all answers but in light of the link the OP posted that would not really be a good example. None of what I was introduced to was Christianity. In fact, when I lived alone after my father passed I became involved in the occult and necromancy. Probably would not have happened if I lived with others…
 
Depends on who your companions are.

If the others you lived with were also into necromancy, chances are you would still be exposed to necromancy.
 
As of right now, I’d be living by myself, as that’s what I think I’d prefer. And I’m a devout Catholic and don’t plan on messing around with anything occult anytime soon 😉 plus I know that I won’t be too lonely- I’m sure I’d see my family and friends a lot through the week.

I guess I just have irrational fears that moving out may end up being a bad idea after all, but something I’d never know unless I try it and find out…
 
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My daughter has lived alone since she was 18 (she had to leave the college dorm because her coaching job started at 6:00 a.m. and she couldn’t get to sleep with all the noise in the dorm.

It’s very worthwhile. She makes friends and has them over for dinner, and she has found a neighborhood coffee shop, a neighborhood bar, and a neighborhood pizza joint that she visits regularly and “everybody knows her name!”

My only suggestion is to live in a safe location. You can find out crime stats at your local police station. Sometimes the quaint older homes/apartments are in really dangerous neighborhoods, so choose carefully–better to live in a boring duplex apartment in a good neighborhood than on the third floor of a Victorian home in a dangerous neighborhood. And practice all the safety things that you have learned over the years! When you live alone, you can’t yell for Dad to check out any weird noises!
 
Sarcelle said:
Depends on who your companions are.

If the others you lived with were also into necromancy, chances are you would still be exposed to necromancy.
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Well statistically that usually doesnt hold. But yes, who you surround yourself with matters. Even if you surround yourself with parents…
 
For me it was a time when if I had been looking forward to a leftover slice of pizza all day long, when I got home from work, it was still there.

Also, the toilet paper roll was never empty or backwards. 🙂
 
abbap said:
My follow-up question is: would you say that having that life experience of living on one’s own outweighs the amount of money spent on rent?
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I think that it is not necessary to live completely alone to be independent of your parents. I had roommates when I lived in an apartment and when I bought my townhouse, to help with expenses. But I still had to learn to deal with repairs, establish credit, obtain my own utilities, insurance, etc. All valuable skills.
abbap said:
I know I’ll be able to afford living on my own, but is it better if I just live at home and save up?
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I think this is an individual decision. I lived on my own after college (lived in the dorms in college) and my younger sister lived at home until she got married. My parents didn’t care either way.

I will say my sister had a ton of expendable income and spent it on all sorts of adventures like travel, learning things, taking pilot lessons. And didn’t “grow up” in ways I did. She still lived somewhat like a teenager well into her 20s with little responsibility.

I did less of those fun things but felt satisfaction being on my own and paying my own way. I still did some cool stuff, though.

My sister and I are very different and we chose different paths, but neither was right or wrong—
Just different.
 
abbap said:
I know I’ll be able to afford living on my own, but is it better if I just live at home and save up?
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What are you saving up for?
I’ve known people who lived in their parents’ home in order to pay off a college loan, or to save up money for a down payment on a house.
Once they had the loan paid or had saved enough for a down payment, they moved out and went on with their life.

From reading your post, it sounds like you really want to move out and have the experience of just living on your own for a while. I don’t see how staying home and saving money is going to compensate for that experience.
 
I lived alone for more than five years before I got married, and it was most definitely a good decision.

I’m a very private person, and enjoyed having my own space. It was a little difficult to adjust to living so intimately with a husband, so I am glad I had some time to myself first. But more importantly, I learned how to be independent and manage a home and finances on my own. When something breaks, you deal with it. When there is a large spider you deal with it. You figure out how to budget and it prepares you for a life with a family where budgeting is more complex. You cook and clean for yourself. I know that if something happened to my husband, I’d be able to handle it. Especially with kids, this is important.

That’s not to say that anyone who lives with their parents can’t learn these things. I don’t think there is a “right” answer, but I do think that if it’s feasible financially and you have self-control, it’s generally a good experience to live out on your own before taking on the responsibilities of a family.
 
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